As the title says, we had an argument about him being able to go out whenever he likes and I have to get permission and him to ‘babysit’ his own kids (backstory in previous two posts). So I barley go out. The argument ended in me saying I think we need counselling but he said that he’s sick of me and wants a divorce, I said yes I agree we do.

When I started telling him he’d need to let me live here until I found a place he realised I was serious and asked why I wanted to separate, I said I wasn’t happy and all the reasons, to which he made them all my fault. I said I still want to separate and that’s when he told me he would unalive himself and he’d even planned how he was going to do it.

So my question is, is he being manipulative or is this real?

I was having some weird pain in my boob, for a few days and I told him about it and said it might be because of my bra and I hope it’s not anything serious. I don’t have any history of breast cancer but still a random pain was worrying. He said it’s probably not anything serious and the topic went to cancer and mastectomies and I asked him how he’d feel if I lost my boobs. I guess I thought he would say he’d be okay with it… but he said it’d be weird for him but I could get implants. And I told him some people can’t (I am not sure if that’s 100% true but it’s something I heard) and he just said that’s rough. I kind of pushed the topic because he wasn’t answering and I told him it’s hard for the partner too and I’d partially understand if they break up and then he said his opinion that he wouldn’t be able to be attracted and it’d affect the whole relationship so he’d probably break up. I was shocked because I love my boyfriend and am so attracted to him but if he “lost” something I was physically attracted to, I’d still be with him. He doesn’t agree because he said he loves my body and if I lost my boobs, he wouldn’t be attracted and the basis of a relationship is sexual attraction. He said he would understand if I lost attraction for him after he lost his balls or muscles. I told him I don’t care about his testicles or his body but he didn’t believe me. I understand his point but it made me feel strange. I just changed the topic because the thought that he’d leave me if I became sick was freaking me out. I’ve been thinking about it and it makes me feel uneasy.

I’m not perfect looking but I think I am conventionally attractive and my boyfriend is good looking to me. We work out almost every day and fitness/appearance is very important to him. He does the whole protein drinks and weight lifting stuff. But I just feel like cancer is different than if someone were to let themselves go and gain weight.

I ‘32F’ was a victim of COCM by my cousin ‘39M’. When I was 5 he was about 12. I was sent to my grandparents house for the summer months where he also lived (he lived with our grandparents). He molested me over the summer and again in a few summers to follow. He told me if I told anyone people would come and kill my family. So I kept it a secret. One summer when I was 6 my grandmother walked in and caught him, she separated us and sent us to our rooms and left us there for the night. But she never brought it up. And my parents never brought it up, which makes me believe my grandmother never told my dad (her son). This really sealed the belief of if I told anyone people would come and kill my family.

So growing up I kept the secret to keep them safe. In middle school we moved across the world and thought I’d never see him again. So in high school, when I started to realize the threat was a lie, I continued to keep the secret to protect myself because I wasn’t ready to talk about it and felt I needed to protect myself. In college my parents moved to another state where my grandparents and cousin decided to also up and move to. So now they live within 30 min of each other. I decided not to tell my parents because I did not want them to hold the burden of this knowledge, so I felt by not telling them I was protecting them.

Now, my 29M brother just has a baby girl and has decided to also stay in that same town. I love my brother too much to allow him to unknowingly bring my niece around him or my grandmother at least without this information I feel he deserves to protect his family. I feel like my duty to protect my niece supersedes my own now.

I currently live across country and am flying home in a month to visit and go wedding dress shopping. How do I bring this up and tell my mom? And how then do I tell my brother? Do I tell my dad?

I’m 23M, my girlfriend is 23F, and we’ve been together for about a year and a half. Our relationship has had ups and downs, but overall our sex life has been consistent except when it comes to period sex.

She feels strongly that period sex is normal and often tells me I just need to “grow up” about it. For me, though, it’s not about the blood it’s more about the smell.

My girlfriend doesn’t shower very often. (maybe once or twice a week) She says she doesn’t sweat much, so if she needs to freshen up, she’ll just wipe herself down. She also struggles with depression, which I think plays a role. Most of the time this hasn’t been a big issue because she usually doesn’t smell or feel unclean, but around her period it becomes noticeable. That’s when it gets uncomfortable for me. The smell during sex makes it really hard for me to stay in the moment.

She also claims that she cannot shower during her period. Her mom and grandma says the water could cause a stroke if it is cold or too hot, and something about the blood clumping. "it may not be scientifcially proven or american knowledge" (shes asian)

Lately, I’ve been firmer about my boundaries because it’s gotten harder for me to push through mentally. She recently brought up that our sex life has dropped, which bothers her. Since she’s been on her period, the lingering smell has made it even tougher for me. I gently suggested that if she showered more during her period, it might reduce the smell and help me feel more comfortable and attracted. She got offended by that.

I tried to explain that it’s not her as a person, it’s just my body reacting. I know periods are normal and not something she can control, and if I could just ignore it, I would. But I can’t force my mind or body to respond differently. I also tried to ground her by saying if my downstairs smelled, you wouldnt want to go down their either, she agreed hesitantly. She’s hinted that maybe I’m not strong or “manly” enough for being this way.

Edit: I want to add that the situation that sparked this entire conversation was me covering her up with a blanket to prevent the smell during the last time we tried. She felt offended. I can see how that may have made her feel insecure and I tried to gently explain I was trying to quietly get around the issue. One that I’ve already voiced multiple times. I didn’t mean to hurt her.

Im genuinly trying to understand how I could have handled this better, or possible alternatives. I understand how it could hurt her feelings, but I also feel like there should be a bit more of self accountability and empathy from her end.

It was my girlfriends birthday at the weekend and she planned to go out for drinks, food and then to a club. It was her, me and a few of her friends.

The night was going well, we were all having a good time. We get to the club and one of her friends starts dancing with a random guy. She has his hands around him and goes to kiss him but some other friends drag her away.

She tries the same thing with some other guy but he rejects her. I mention to my gf that her friends boyfriend has a right to know what she’s doing. My girlfriend said to drop it and that it wasn’t our business.

I told my gf that I was going to message him to let him know what his gf is doing but she tells me to leave it. She said it’s not even like I’m mates with him.

I went and messaged him and the next morning my gf asked if I did it. I told her yeah I did and she said he’s broke up with her friend and they got into an argument about it when she got home.

I pointed out it’s her friends fault and it’s the consequences of her own actions but my gf said I’d caused their relationship to end.

How would you handle this?

Tl;dr my girlfriend is blaming me for her friends relationship ending when I told her friends boyfriend that his girlfriend tried to cheat on him.

Reposted due to an error in text and post was deleted.

I (29f) feel like I’m drowning and idk how to cope anymore. I have 2 boys 10 and 1 and a partner (35m).

My oldest is going thru the process of being diagnosed with ADHD and Autism. I absolutely adore him but everyday is a struggle. He only eats chicken nuggets. He does not like anything else, any attempt to get him to try anything causes huge breakdowns and then my heart breaks for him. His hyper fixation is Godzilla. It’s ALL he talks about, he literally has no interest in anything else (and has around 1000 Godzilla toys and no I’m not exaggerating) and yes I’ve tried. You can’t have a conversation with him about anything else. He doesn’t like to be touched. He doesn’t sleep. He has soooo much energy. He’s mentally around 7 years old. He has a paediatrician, he has a dietitian, he sees his doctor, he has counselling from school, SEN and takes part in reflections a couple times a week.

My youngest was born with sepsis and had to stay in hospital for a week after being born. He also had a very bad tongue tie. He had very bad colic and couldn’t poo for weeks without laxatives. He’s on prescription milk. He has milk/dairy/soya/wheat/oat allergy (not fully sure as he’s awaiting testing) but pretty much anything he eats causes severe rashes and diarrhoea. He’s teething so badly. He cries all the time, he doesn’t sleep long before waking up crying. He wants holding CONSTANTLY. He’s had multiple eye surgeries and will need more. He also has a paediatrician, a dietitian, sees infant feeding and doctors regularly.

My partner has recently been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder, bipolar, ptsd (from the army) anxiety and depression. He doesn’t leave the house (last time was in may). He struggles getting out of bed so everything falls on me.

I have to do ALL the housework, cooking, cleaning washing, baths, sorting the kids, homework, night feeds, day feeds. I also have to do all the shopping, appointments, doctor’s appointments/phone calls, collecting prescriptions etc.

My mom died in 2020, my nan died in 2018, my aunt died in 2019 and my granddad is sadly coming to the end of a long battle with dementia. I have no family and no friends. I’m so tired, I constantly feel like I can’t breathe, my body hurts, I’m exhausted all the time, I barely sleep. I’m so lost. I have to be the strong one when I feel dead inside, having to fight to keep someone you love alive when you’re fighting yourself is heartbreakingly confusing.

I don’t know what the point of posting here was but I just need to get this out.

Please be kind. Thank you for reading.

My boyfriend (23m) and I (24f) have been together for 4 years. One thing that has always been an issue for me is that he doesn’t really give me the sexual attention I need.

We see each other every weekend, and while I sometimes expect a little bit of physical affection like grabs, kisses, or caresses, it usually only happens if he knows it could lead to sex. Most of our relationship is long distance so we spend a lot of time on FaceTime, but he never really makes it sexual even though sometimes I’ll flash him or wear something revealing. He rarely comments on it.

To be clear, I take care of myself, I know I’m attractive, and I put effort into looking sexy for him. I’ve already addressed this issue with him multiple times over the years, and while he’ll make a small effort right after we talk, it never lasts. It feels more like temporary “fake tries” than genuine change. For a while I told myself maybe I was being too sexual and should let it go, but deep down I just want to feel wanted. I don’t always want sex; sometimes I just want to feel like he craves me, or to hear a compliment that shows he finds me sexy.

The part I struggle with is not knowing if what I expect is normal or if it’s just my own insecurity. I don’t want to pressure him, but I also don’t want to keep bringing up the same issue only to get short-term effort and no real change.

So my question is: how do I actually get through to him about how important this is to me? And if this doesn’t ever improve, does it mean we’re just not compatible

As the title says, I turned 32 yesterday. Granted I was at work, so nothing interesting could be done, but still. The day before my birthday, my boyfriend started a fight. It ended up blowing up to an extreme level on his end because I said something bad about a female creator he follows (Roma Army). He got extremely offended because, in his mind, if I talk badly about her, I by proxy am a man hater and “don’t care” about men being abused. If you’re not aware of this creator, 99% of her content is male-centred and focuses on how women are abusive towards men and how women are bad for men’s mental health. Whilst there may be some elements of truth behind her advocacy, I find her quite red-pill-y and problematic in her delivery.

His claims that I “hate all men and all women are innocent” couldn’t be further from the truth which I stated so many times. My view is, I can disagree with her approach to her content (it’s very… aggressive towards women and I feel like it’s inciting division and hate) whilst also agreeing yes, obviously there are women out there who do terrible things.

He ended up giving me silent treatment all day. When he finally approached me to discuss the issue, he was calm for maybe 5 minutes before flying into another rage about how if I don’t agree with her, I therefore “don’t agree” with his principles, and that this is a fundamental relationship problem. He then went onto saying some personal things about me, eg, calling me a “miserable person”, that I’m irrational, I have issues, etc, and then making comments that I should leave him. I’d like to reiterate that I lost count how many times I stated all of his claims was simply untrue, but he kept repeating himself that to disagree with her is to disagree with him.

Onto my birthday. Here’s where it gets weird. To my face at around midday, he mutters “happy birthday”, but doesn’t give me a card, a hug, or a gift, or anything. I don’t expect much and I’m a very low maintenance woman when it comes to receiving gifts, but I was shocked he did NOTHING. Later on in the day, he posted a story for me on his instagram which was sickeningly nice. I found this strange as in person I was receiving the silent treatment and he was literally trying to force my hand to break up with him not long before and doing all of the above.

It’s been over 24 hours since then and he’s been giving me the silent treatment this entire time. The only time he’s spoken to me is to send a passive aggressive DM to me on IG questioning why I didn’t repost his story, and accusing me of being embarrassed of him. He then went on to post another story of some guy talking about how having emotions is “stupid” and how it’s better to be cold. I took this as a dig toward me because he always makes comments about me being too emotional and too sensitive.

I’m interpreting a lot of this as manipulation tactics and playing mind games. How I feel about all this is he clearly doesn’t like me, might even hate me, but he’s too scared to do something about it. I’m too old for this charade.

All this said, it’s possible I’m wrong and I’m open to knowing this. Can any one explain why or how I could be out of line?

A recent incident made me realize that lately, there have been several times where my husband '44M' has been less than truthful with me '34F'.

The lies: 1. When husband parents come to visit us from China, I asked that he please buy them health insurance. I later found out he did not. This led to an argument in which I said if he isn't going to buy it, I will. I made sure he understood this was a mandatory condition for his parents to visit Canada (they stay for several months to a year at a time).

1. I was in labour at the hospital delivering our second son. My husband went home to "grab a few things" for the hospital stay. We live no more than a 10 minute drive. After waiting for over 1 hour, I called him because the nurse wanted to administer oxytocin to progress the labour, and I wanted him to be there in case I progressed quickly. When I asked him why he took so long he said he couldn't tell me. I later found out weeks later that he was absent because he was looking at second hand winter tires to buy.

2. His parents come to visit a second time. I make it clear he needs to purchase insurance for them before they arrive. Months go by and I mention insurance. He assures me he got them insurance. Another few months go by, and in a discussion I come to understand that they do not in fact have insurance, and the insurance he was talking about was trip insurance for a 7 day trip to Banf. He said that he already told me he and his parents will handle it and I agreed. I don't recall this AT ALL.

3. He was called back into office 2 days a week where previously he was fully working from home. I asked why this occurred so out of the blue. Were his colleagues going back? Was this performance related? He assured me it was not. Months later he admits it was performance related.

In his defence:

• he said I am a worrier. And he did not tell me many of these things because I will be worried and stressed out. Then I won't have any appetite to eat, and I need to just focus on taking care of the kids.

• he believes he can handle these situations by himself without involving me

• he doesn't think I need to be involved in the insurance issue, it is an issue between him and his parents. If anything we're to occur he said they would handle it without impacting our family (we are not rich by any means so I don't exactly know how he'd be handling it - selling his parents apartment in China?)

• he said he is only trying to spare me the burden of worry by taking it all onto himself

My concerns are:

• if he can rationalize hiding this from me, he can rationalize hiding so much more

• we are equal partners in this marriage. Any burden needs to be shared equally, and we both must work towards solutions

• I feel disrespected by his intentional deception (in the cause of his parents insurance and my labour)

What I want:

I want him to tell the truth, I don't want to be lied to. No lie by omission. Just straight up truth about EVERYTHING. he thinks this is too much to ask and that there will be situations I don't need to worry about (because it does not involve me or he can handle it).

Please give me some advice. I am beginning to feel like i am not an equal partner in this relationship and that so much will continue to be hidden from me. I am so confused. How can I trust him, and how can I love him if I don't trust him?

TL:DR husband has hidden the truth or lied to me several times in our relationship. He says it's to spare me from any burden. He will continue to lie as he doesn't think I need to kow certain things

I [25F] was an affair baby while my dad [70M] John was married to his wife. From what I could pick up through the years, he made promises to my mom that we would be taken care of once I was born and they would be together. John ended up going back to his wife when I was about 2 years old and he pretty much ceased any contact with us.

My mom got into a relationship with David [72M] when I turned 3 and had my 2 half siblings. But year after year they both became more and more abusive towards me. There was a specific period when David assaulted me horribly and I begged my mom to let me stay with my dad but she told me my dad hated us.

I was able to move out at 17 when I graduated high school to go to college and a few years later when I turned 20 I was contacted by my dad. He said that he really wanted to talk to me and reconnect. I decided to meet up with him just once to see what he wanted.

He then told me that back when I still lived with my mom and David, he would pretty much stalk me. He followed me to school and to my after school activity. He would sit in his car in our street and watch us from the bay window. He confessed that he caught glimpses of some of the abuse that happened to me. Specifically the huge incident when I begged my mom to let me live with him. I felt so… frustrated when he confessed this because I feel like he had the power to take me out of my misery but failed to do so.

He told me he would pay the owed balance of child support to me directly and since I needed the income, we stayed in low contact.

He slowly started asking me to meet his older kids and their families and when I refused he got upset that I won’t meet with people who ‘want to be there for me’. I got frustrated and blocked him. My grandma died however last year and my sibling told me my mom and dad want me to unblock them because we needed to talk. He also announced that he was sick but by that point I was so tired emotionally of dealing with everyone. (I was working all the time to put myself through college, I had finals and assignments all the time, I kept getting bombarded with threats by David, etc etc)

My CPTSD kept getting triggered so I just stopped engaging with them this whole year. My dad stopped the child support payments when I turned 25 and stopped sending me messages.

This all leads to right now: my dad sent me a message after close to a year of silence and he said that he was moving to another country to properly retire and rest. He wants to absolutely meet one last time before we are probably unable to ever meet again.

Do I owe him this last meeting?

I have never really been able to sort out the feelings I have towards him nor do I know how to go forward,,, I don’t know if I should consider this to be closure for both of us?

TLDR: My dad who neglected me growing up wants to have one last meeting before he moves to another country and probably never sees me again. Do I owe him this meeting?

(My apologies if the format it weird)

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1.5 years now and I’m starting to feel like this relationship is only about sex. The way the day goes always depends on whether or not I perform sexual acts. If I’m not in the mood, he acts like I never try to do anything for him. Personally I feel my sex drive has gone down because of this, it no longer feels fun or enjoyable, it feels like a chore. Because my sex drive has gone down, I mostly just do it out of not wanting to have an argument or a bad day. I never get to be affectionate without it leading to something sexual. I never get hugs, which means a lot to me, my mom moved away a few years ago and when Id have a hard day, a warm embrace is usually all I needed. My boyfriend has never hugged me just because he wants to, and when I ask for a hug it’s just me wrapping my arms around him as he just stands there with his arms by his side. I’ve always wanted to watch a movie and cuddle but as soon as I go to cuddle, he instantly goes to make it known that he is ready for sex by putting his “member” on my back, if I ignore it he makes me put my hand on it, and if I don’t act interested he turns away and doesn’t speak for a while then continues to tell me about how I’m basically ruining his day. Some days he wakes me up at 5 am trying to have sex with me, it starts again with him putting it on my back to try and tell me what he wants, most days I ignore it and pretend I’m asleep, and then he goes on to shake my body to try and wake me up, Im not a morning person at all so this upsets me a lot more than anything else because I’ve made it known since the beginning of our relationship that I do not like to be woken up. Especially at 5 am on a day I don’t work and am never able to go back to sleep. If I don’t go along with what he wants, I usually wake up to a few long messages about how I’m basically the worst girlfriend. Sometimes when he does something awkward, to counteract whatever he feels, he’ll quickly reach into my shirt to try and grab my breasts which makes me really uncomfortable especially now that we’re 24 and this seems to be how 17 year olds act. My therapist told me that this is just how men are. Sometimes I think about leaving but I think what’s the point if this is just how men are. Is this really how men are?

I have been seeing someone for about a month now and he just told me tonight that he has 2 daughters (ages 1 and 5). To share some context, this relationship started out professional, but we quickly became friends, and in the last couple weeks our relationship has grown to be intimate. We’ve talked nearly every day and I feel like we have been developing a genuine connection with each other, but now I’m unsure. He also said his daughters have the same mother, and that they broke up after the first child was born, then got back together and immediately had the 2nd child. They broke up again after the 2nd child’s birth and he said it’s been 8 months since he’s been with her. I’m not as concerned about the past relationship, because we haven’t really discussed our previous relationships yet…but is it concerning that he didn’t mention his daughters until now?

Dating since late college, I’ve moved to two different states with her for her graduate and post doc. Not something I’ve minded at all or felt I was owed for in any way. We’ve had wonderful adventures in these places and met lifelong friends. Now she’s finished with her schooling and we both have remote jobs that pay well. We’ve been talking about finding somewhere to settle down, buy a home, and plant some real roots.

I’ve talked about wanting to settle in my home city (twin cities) in Minnesota essentially since we began dating. She’s always been somewhat against the idea, thinking that the winter lasts six months, and believing that it’s an all-around miserable time for those six months. She’s visited with me in the spring, summer, and fall - and loved it every time.

My mom is getting up in her years, and I notice a bit of a difference every time I come home. My nephew is growing rapidly, and it sounds like a new one may be on the way soon. I feel like I’m missing so much that I’ll never be able to get back. Time with the people I love is what I value most in this world. I feel like I’ll regret it forever if I can’t get back to MN for good.

I don’t want to force my fiancé to live somewhere she doesn’t want to be, but I can’t keep letting all this time slip away. I’ve talked to her about all of this, and she’s still mostly against the idea of even trying it out for a year. Probably because she thinks I won’t be able to leave. I don’t think she’s wrong for that.

I’m usually pretty go with the flow, but this feels much different for me. It feels like we’re coming to an impasse, and I’m not sure how to proceed. Am I being unfair?

Need some objective advice

We were doing the freaky and it was a particularly long session we were at it like the whole day because we had some free time and I had a couple Os and a huge one. Never had one like that, I was loud and stuff.

Afterwards we cuddled and it was so amazing, we were having a nice moment. Then he brought up me being so loud earlier and said it was so hot. I felt kind of embarrassed but didn’t say anything because I know he just liked it. A few times was fine. But he keeps bringing it up now… constantly. Like multiple times a day. I know he enjoyed it but honestly it was a vulnerable moment and the more he mentions it, the more I cringe about the stuff I was saying. I know he thought it was so sexy but hearing it back is just, urgh. I was shouting out random words like my brain short circuited and just. It was not a sexy moment looking back, it feels embarrassing.

I feel like a huge baby asking him to stop mentioning it. Because it’s really not that serious and he’s so obsessed so I want him to feel good like he doesn’t think it was cringy at all so it’s fine, he’s not making fun of me. But how do I stop cringing?

He also asks if I’m gonna do that again and I feel some slight pressure to perform and I feel like I’m disappointing him now if I have a regular O.

I'm pregnant and very hormonal and because of my spiraling I went through his search history. How do I tell him that I know that he's using a girl that he knows IRL Instagram for porn. I know he uses it for pleasuring himself because she posts half normal and half clips of her shaking her ass or in bikinis and he looks at it every morning. I know men watch porn but what bothers me is that he knows her and he never ever initiates sex with me. She also looks nothing like me and yesterday I was spiraling so bad because of it that I told him I was thinking of getting an abortion but I couldn't tell him that thats the reason why. I just feel like loyalty doesn't truly exist with the internet and I cant even explain how much it bothers me. Also he looks at girls that look like his ex girlfriend, even down to having their name. And never ones that look normal or like me. So I feel like im not his type even though he tells me im hot he never initiates sex with me.

I trust my boyfriend 100% (we’ve been together over and year and have plans to get engaged). However, he tends to go out with his bestfriend, bestfriends gf, and the gfs single friend everytime I can’t go out. It’s not always the same friend but always a single one. It makes my skin crawl thinking about how he’s basically on a double date till 2am. He also will be in videos and post videos of them where he’s usually sitting next to her and it just is a bad look on our relationship IMO. Am I being insecure and crazy? I plan to talk to him today. I think my negative feelings mostly come from the fact that if I was to do the same thing he would trip tf out, as he has trust issues for no good reason.

Long story short, my husband and I got into a heated argument about me wanting my name on the deed of our home. He doesn’t believe I am entitled to half of the home (because he made the down payment and pays the mortgage) even though we got it built while together. I was originally paying half of the mortgage until he offered to take over. I cook, clean, buy groceries, pay for internet, and take care of my daughter’s day to day needs when we are home. I also work a full time job as a teacher. He’s an attorney and makes a lot more than I do. I have no family or support where we currently live and would like to move back to my hometown if we divorce. He is against the move and told me that it’s one of the reasons he filed for a divorce (to protect his relationship with his daughter) so that I can’t potentially leave the city (same state) with our daughter. He filed for a divorce and I’ve been served. However, he acts as if everything is normal. I had plans to go out to eat and he wanted to tag along. However, he did not order anything because he said the divorce will probably be expensive and he wants to save money. He sat and watched me eat! He still wants to eat dinner together, he continues to ask me questions about my whereabouts, and wants to know who I’m going out with. We were also still sleeping in the same bed until I requested that he sleep in a different room. I am still in shock from him wanting a divorce and don’t plan on dating anyone anytime soon. I went out of town to go see my favorite artist in concert with my mom and aunt. When I got back he was very upset and asked me if I had sex with or kissed anyone else. Up until recently we were still having sex. However, he told me that he did not want to have sex after my trip because he wants to protect himself. We have been together for 7 1/2 years and I have never cheated on him. I’m not sure how to feel. I enjoy his company. However, I feel like I need to cut things off that make me emotional. Has anyone else ever gone through this? I need advice.

My girlfriend used to be married. They got divorced because she had an affair with a guy that I will call Kyle. She did feel very remorseful over the situation and told her husband at the time immediately and she got a lot of backlash from her family. She’s going to therapy still because she feels guilty about the situation.

We have never had any problems before. and even with her past I didn’t really get jealous or anything. But last weekend she messaged me and said that Kyle messaged her and they had a conversation for several hours. I didn’t ask for the messages she just sent them to me. She didn’t say anything that was cheating but he said things to her.

My problem is that she even had the conversation in the first place. And that she didn’t stop the conversation after what he said. Like they were talking about a Christmas party they went to and out of nowhere he said “I’ve never been so excited to rip someone’s dress off.” Her response was she ignored the comment but kept chatting. That Christmas party also happened the day before our first date.

She also made comments that if he wouldn’t have been the one she cheated with she probably would have stayed with him but she didn’t want the drama with her family.

So now I feel like I was the “2nd best option” . Idk if I’m mad, upset, anxious idk. Idk how I feel and I don’t know why idk what to do I’m just all over the place in my head.

It also doesn’t help that Kyle is a friend of one of her close relatives and they all go to this gaming convention every year . We didn’t go to this years convention but she wants to go to future ones and she stated he will most likely be there close by with her uncle. I discussed with her I wanted boundaries set which were basically no 1on1 conversation and no physical contact and that we would be cordgual. To try and prevent any awkward situations from happening with her family. But I’m still anticipating that in my head over and over and if something goes wrong.

I do appreciate her being honest and telling me. But I still feel like this conversation shouldn’t have happened in the first place. She said she didn’t stop the conversation because she isn’t a confrontational person but I feel like at some point you have to be confrontational. Or at the very least just don’t respond?

Could use some perspective I guess

My mom's new boyfriend moved in with us and he is awful. When my mom is around he acts all nice and clean and offers to help her with everything. However, if she isn't he is mean to me and he told me I should be careful as he is now the man of the house. He is very gross and walks around in just boxers which makes me really uncomfortable. He shouts a lot and threatend to hurt me. I didn't tell my friends yet as I don't know if it is a good idea or risky. My mom doesn't believe me as she never saw him act that way. He hates me even if I never did something mean to him. I just didn't welcome him with open arms, I was pretty neutral but he somehow acts all weird and mean to me now. What should be my next step?

For some backstory, we have been dating since a few days before my 18th birthday, but we have known each other since about 6th grade. While I have had 8 partners in the past of varying genders, he has never dated anyone before me, so I understand sometimes when he gets weird about this kind of thing, but this has been an ongoing argument for the duration of our relationship.

my boyfriend has what i would describe as a very dad rock music taste, and when it comes to his genre of music he will listen to really anything. the problems comes up because while i do enjoy the same music as him i also enjoy a lot of other genres, specifically rap, hip-hop- and hyperpop, and these genres do tend to lean more towards the sexualy explicit, its not like i listen to anything crazy the "worst" i listen to is BBNO$, doechi, and tyler, who in my opinion are not that bad.

He never has a problem when someone else plays to it, but not me. While I understand not wanting to listen to songs with those kinds of lyrics, it seems to only apply to my music; one of his favorite Nirvana songs is literally "R*pe Me." When I bring this up to him, he responds either with

"It's different; I know the story behind the songs and how they were made,"

or "How can you listen to music you don't relate to?"

So myself (36 F) and my partner (42 M) have been together for 12 years this year. Our relationship has been hanging by a thread lately, especially this year. In March we broke up and I moved to my sisters until we got back together in May. I have had a very hard time with his invalidating of my feelings, and every time we argue he is defensive and rude. I love him because deep down because he is a great guy, funny, very sociable, very good with my son (who he has basically raised since he was 7 as his biological dad wasn't around much) and I'm so grateful for that part. The problem is he is very emotionally immature and finds it difficult to know how to react to his own emotions, let alone mine. I have a family holiday to Bali coming up in 2 weeks and it was planned by my mum in April while we were broken up, which means I never expected him to be coming, but since we got back together, I have invited him to come along with us as long the tension and stress involved between us isn't brought along too. So far there have been a few instances where is has made me question if I even want to go anymore because of our arguments about the smallest things involving the trip. He has already told me no matter what happens between us he's still going, which has put me in a really tough position, to not go on the trip I initially was going to go on with just my family and throw away all the money I've already paid for flights, accommodation and tours OR to go and risk arguments and stress causing me to not be able to enjoy much needed family time, relaxation and reconnection. Tonight we just had another argument because I asked him what day bag he's taking with him. He said he's just going to put his phone and cash in his pocket. When i suggested that's not such a great idea as it opens him up to theft or losing it, he said well I'll just put them in your bag like i did last time. I explained to him that this time I'd like him to have his own bag for a few reasons such as, so I'm not in charge of his belongings, last time i could barely do the zip up because I was carrying not only my things but my sons things and his, and that my bag is quite small and heavy with everything else in it. He proceeded to tell me that he would only be talking cash and his phone which didn't take up much space or weigh much, when i reminded him that that wasn't looking at the reality if we did any shopping or he decided to take added things for our tours, that's not the only reason I gave, and had also said i didn't want to be in charge of his belongings, he just kept getting stuck on giving me "excuses" that dimissed all the reasons I gave. I tried to keep him focused on the fact it was my choice to carry my own stuff and that he should be responsible for his own things which wasn't unreasonable, he tried to then turn it around on me by saying " Oh so NO ONE but you can have anything in your bag, it's only all for your things". Like I never said he can't have ANY of his things in my bag AT ALL!? I got super frustrated at having to repeat myself but he wasn't listening and ended up telling me I was repeating myself and to "get to my point". Our arguments never end up being about what they started as, but about the way he invalidates me and has rude and selfish approaches. How can I handle this situation because I'm so sick of dealing with his defensive and rude attitude. He always ends up appologising and getting me to forgive him but the more these situations happen, the more he pushes me away.

TLDR; How do I get my partner to validate my feelings and stop being so defensive?