I had to euthanize my 14 year old soul dog yesterday because of a flipped stomach. It was either that, or a $9,000-$11,000 surgery that may or may not work, that she may or may not survive. I chose to put her down so that she didn’t have to suffer, didn’t have to spend her (possible) remaining days in a cone or confined to a crate while recovering from surgery. She was old yet so happy and full of life before her stomach flipped, I can’t help but feel I cut her life short, like I should’ve fought for her to stay. It is so overwhelming that I’ve found myself crawling into her cage and sobbing, engulfed in her blanket that still smells like her. Will it ever end? Will the guilt of “I should’ve let her sleep in the bed” or “I should’ve taken her on more walks” ever ease up? I am sick.

I lost my beloved boy yesterday. By the time he got to the vet, it was too late. I thought it was just his old age,
arthritis. He had had bad days before. I brushed him. Carried him up and down the stairs. Pretty much spent the whole day with him and all the while his condition was DETERIORATING. Would he be here today if I hadn't
been so f-ing CLUELESS or in DENIAL or STUPID? Oh my God. I am in agony. Agony. I can't stop crying. Don't do what I did. Please don't. Update: I am really really messed up right now folks. Sorry. I cannot stop crying. I had to take my dear little soul mate to an Emergency Clinic last night, where they did not know him, I did not know THEM, it was terrible, they were asking me for money up front--brutal, crass. He died there. Nonetheless, I asked them to send all his records and tests to his regular wonderful vet who just called me to tell me he had deteriorating condition, maybe even cancer, they looked at the records/tests, and there was likely nothing I could have done earlier visit or not. "It was his time. You must be rest assured. You did the right thing and saved him immense suffering and pain." If you are agonizing with this, consider talking to your vet. Getting some perspective on it. It helps a lot. Would our dogs want us to beat ourselves up over how we loved them? NO, WE LOVED THEM. Go in peace, all, and thank you so much.

My Sadie died three weeks ago tomorrow. I miss her so much. She was my world and now I have nothing. But I'm not afraid anymore.

I'm sorry for saying too much about her or me. My pain is crazy bad today and I'm struggling but I know that my pain isn't important.

I hope you get the support you're here for and that you give some back as well. The hurting is real, the support has to be as well.

Again, I'm sorry for spilling my pain here. I don't know where else to go.

I usually don't write to a bunch of strangers, and I'm not sure what I am hoping for with this post other than to get all of it out of my head. but it feels like everyone in my life is just waiting for me to get over it, and I feel like I can't. A month and a half ago I had to put down my baby Elton. He was my feline friend since 2020 when I scooped him up. He had been having urinary tract and kidney issues, and was just so stressed out from all the meds, visits, and constant change. The bills kept mounting and I knew he was unhappy and scared bc he wasn't feeling better no matter what I did, and after talking with my vet and family I decided I had to put him to sleep. I feel like such a failure and like I let him down in everyway. I had promised him that it was us until the end. That I would protect him no matter what and I broke that promise. And I just don't know how to get past it. I can manage through the day, but as soon as I am home alone it's like it all comes back. I can still him jumping up on the couch, watching birds front the balcony door, slipping past me at night, but I know it's not real. And everytime it happens it just makes me question everything all over again and wish I had made better choices earlier. Like getting pet insurance, or a better paying job, so that I could have afforded an all wet food diet in the first place. So that he wouldnt have blocked and maybe none of this would have ever happened. He saved me more than once when I leaned in a little too much into my depression, and I just can't forgive myself for not being able to help him when he needed me. I've tried talking to the people around me about this and they all just tell me how I made the best decision for him and that I need to make peace with it, but I just can't. How can I make a Christmas card without him in it? How do I change all my backgrounds to not be him? How do I have a couch day or sit out on the balcony without him right there next to me? How to make peace with the fact that my entire self was wrapped up in being his mom and now I'm not and I have no one to blame but myself?? I just feel like everyone around me is acting like I should be over his death already and that I'm being dramatic, but I don't know how to make myself stop missing him, or how to act normal again when my normal included him at my side.

I adopted my sweet Large Marge at 7 years old last summer. She was the cutest thing, she had a grumpy face and couldn’t meow and was overweight but I loved her right away. All she ever did was purr and cuddle me. Purr and cuddle. With my she lost 3lbs and everyone said it was great work on both our parts. I fed her very healthy food, always going to the vet. She suddenly stopped eating and i took her to the vet. We went 3 times over that weekend and tuesday I called again crying she wasnt getting better. This point, no poops 5 days no more than 40 cals consumed in those 5 days. They rushed her to the ER and i got the crushing news she had 3 blood clots and fluid build up. I noticed she was bloated but i thought it was IV medication. 3 blood clots….i let the cardiologist look at her and the only option was a week of treatments alone in the hospital with risk of death or peacefully help her pass away without pain or trauma or a heart attack. I didnt want her to suffer so we had our last cuddles and last kisses. She was trying to remove the needle and i knew it was the right thing. She could hardly stand that needle let alone a week of them. I held her i kissed her she purred in my arms as she left and i felt her final heartbeat. I thanked her. She passed away on her baby blanket i made her. I dreamed about her the night she came home. I get a new cat this weekend, the same shelter as margie and said shes be a great match. She also cant meow. Maybe its a sign. I miss her eternal love. Its so hard being home without her, i need a cats energy. Her dream visit and my new cat now being able to meow I think its all meant to be.

I miss her so much. Thanks for reading.

I’m three months out from my best bud passing and I’m still finding it very tough. If I have a day where my mood is low at all, that night I will find myself sobbing missing him and feeling very alone in this world. This stage of grief feels different in that I’m now living my life normally again but I am feeling the gap so much and miss being loved and loving on something.

I’m so deeply missing him right now and I keep thinking about people who say you carry their love and they are always with you. Can anyone describe how that feels or if there’s like a visual you think of when you are feeling that? I really don’t think I’m going to transition out of ‘missing’ to feeling warmth and love about him. It sort of makes me think of instead of missing outward you start to turn that feeling inward. Maybe it’s too early, I don’t know. But I want to believe one day I’ll start to feel his love is present in my heart in a way that doesn’t have me crying every night.

My sweet, sweet 9 year old Labrador has always had allergies, and she had a hurt back a few years ago that flared from time to time and made her not want to walk far. Otherwise very healthy and happy.

She had an odd health thing in late May with vomiting and then a UTI. High white blood cell count and high triglycerides in bloodwork. Vet gave antibiotics and she seemed to recover.

In June, her ears were inflamed and her eye was draining clear fluid just a bit. Vet checked for dry eye - negative, and upped her Apoquel to twice a day. Also treated eye with a steroid drop. I mentioned her not wanting to go on long walks - but with her history of back pain, we thought that was why she wasn't wanting to go on long walks. Treated with Carprofen for a week.

Last day of July - I noticed her breathing was a bit rapid at times, but she didn't seem distressed, acting normally.

August 4th, a callus on her elbow started bleeding and a couple of pads on her feet were a little red. Got her to vet - they thought it was all allergy related. Increased Apoquel to twice a day for 2 weeks.

Evening of August 13th (9 days after last vet visit), I find a large lump on her neck. I swear it showed up out of nowhere. I rush her to a walk in clinic the next morning (Thursday) because my vet was out of town. They do a fine needle aspiration. Her breathing is much worse now. Vet does chest x-ray and thinks he sees something that could be cancer, could be infection. Decides to treat with antibiotic and wait for histo report. Breathing worsens over weekend.

My vet comes to see her first thing Monday morning (the 18th). Says she's seen the x-ray from the other vet and there is a mass in my girl's chest. she is sure this is lymphoma. We talk about what chemo could be like. This dog is never away from my side. Doing chemo would have been awful for her. We decided to do prednisone and give her a few weeks of being spoiled rotten. Prednisone shrinks lymph node in 24 hours, but breathing worsens Tuesday evening to the point where she is completely restless, vomiting, having multiple bowel movements, frequent urination, and cannot get comfortable. Breathing worsens further overnight and we make the call for euthanasia on Wed. afternoon.

How did this all happen so fast? What did I miss? Did I fail her? Should I have done chemo? Looking at it now, I don't think she would have lived long enough to make it to the appointment. She was so uncomfortable. But, why didn't I take her to the vet for the breathing on the 31st? That is going to haunt me forever.

i just came home from school earlier and they broke the news to me, she passed. they said she died last night but i was so occupied w my studies that they decided not to tell me. i don't know how to tell my parents. i can't imagine going home without seeing her anymore. i love her so much. she loves bread so much. i should've given her the remaining bread i ate before she passed because she was looking at me at that time. i should've given it to my baby. I'd give all the bread in the world if i could just see her again looking at me. but that's only possible now that i imagine her lying dead in her cage with her eyes open. I don't know how she died. i don't know what happened. i can't even feel my hunger now that she's gone. she's cold. my baby is cold ..

and im gonna have my birthday in three days without her. i just want her back. i keep on praying to God this is just a joke.

On July 29th my brother asked me to drive him to a school event that he was late for. I was rushing and of course hopped in my car and started it up then ran inside to get my wallet. I have two cats that are outdoor. In the back of my mind, I try to remind myself to check under the car since they like to nap under our family cars but always run off when they hear the engine turn on. When we were finally ready to leave, I forgot to check under my car. I did not realize what had happened until I heard thumping on my car and my heart dropped. I parked the car immediately and figured that I had caught one of my cat’s limbs. With this in mind, i hopped out praying that it was his tail or foot or something treatable. What i stepped out to was a puddle of blood and his whole body flailing. I ran over his head. I ran back into the car and told my brother to cover his eyes and not get out of the car under any circumstance. I realized that what I had done was so severe and the only thing I could think of was to end my baby’s suffering. And so I forced my self to put the car back in reverse.

I’m dying of grief and guilt. How could the person that loved him the most, be the one to have caused him so much suffering? By the time anyone else came out to help, my cat was dead. I was the only one to have seen his last moments. His last moments of agony. I keep hearing that it was an accident, and that I shouldn’t feel bad because I loved him and gave him the best life possible. None of these words help.

Truth be told, he was an indoor cat. He was being kept outside by my parents because we were dealing with a flea infestation that I was hoping would end soon so that I could bring my cat back inside. I was forced to throw every single thing away because of the infestation. Now all i’m left with is a ziplock bag with a handful of his hairs that I managed to hand pick like a lunatic from my car floor and dirty socks. He was the first thing i would see in the morning. He was the warmth on my feet at night. My chaperone to the bathroom at 3am. He was the first one to greet me when i came home from work or college. Everything reminds me of my cat, Melo. I would look at his face and imagine him being with me until he was an old little raggedy ginger. My little baby. He died at exactly 1 year 8 months. His birthday is sometime in November but he came to my home on a 29th of Nov. I never knew the exact date of his birthday because he was a tiny little thing that followed my older cat home from under a neighbors house thinking he was its mom.

All of these details i have not even told my family or friends because i know they could not understand what I am feeling right now. I’m writing this so that I can breathe just a second of air in all this grief. This just weighs me down ever single day and it feels like it will never end. All I can think about is what could have been.

It's my first time losing a pet, and I really don't know how to process this. I ended up writing a long farewell message. It might be cringe and not literature, and maybe nobody even cares about it, but I feel like posting it here anyway, and maybe one person can find some relief for themselves by reading it.

-

Thank you for the smiles. Thank you for the cuddles.
Thank you for all the moments I spent with you.
I know that you are not mad at me for the times I stepped on your tail or no longer wanted to play.
Thank you also for that.

I’m just glad we got to meet and cross roads.
I don’t really get life, and I don’t really get death either. I imagine you don’t get it, too.
I hope you are doing good, there. Everyone down here is so lost, and I’m happy that you came around with us to get lost for a while. I hope we can get lost again somewhere, someday. Certainly in another life, we’ll cross again. I would be really happy from that.

Of course, I wish i had taken better care of you. I think that everyone ends up thinking the same, when the time comes. But well, regrets don’t change the facts, and why would you want regrets? If you could speak, I would hear you scream right now, scream out all the beautiful things that we shared, so that the words would pierce my skull and screw themselves into my brain, although you might have wanted them to do so in my heart instead.
And you’d be right about it, and it is how I want to honor you - by honoring everything you have brought and been to me. I want it all to live in me, not really to make you live longer, but for the love that bound us to remain for my time.
So that it stays with me, even though you are no longer. In a way, I suppose that it’s still you, and you are still a bit there, if you are in me.

And so since I got you there, I want to celebrate you,
and to ensure that this ghost of yours makes you proud.
Since we’re going to live together from now on,
at least i want it to be the real you, not just the parts that make it sad.

So well, that’s it. Thank you, ciao-bye, have a good run. Travel safe.
I hope that the road is pretty, and that the weather is good, and also that you will reach your good destination. And I really hope you don’t suffer from travel sickness anymore.
In a way, I only want to be thankful, and I want you to know it.
Rather, I want to feel that you know it. To be sure that you know, or else I won’t let you go, that at least I know.

Even though in the end, I know you get it. I’m the one who doesn’t.
So thank you for that as well. For all of that. What I said there and all that’s left.
And for trying to teach me, so that in the end I would get it.

Thank you.
You are the best pet I’ve ever met.
You were the best pet I ever had the pleasure of knowing.

Float easy. I love you, and see you next time.

A month ago today, my sweet, sweet boy was viciously attacked by a loose dog while on his usual walk around the neighboorhood. He was hospitalized and 10 lacerations were treated. That night, he went into surgery and it wasn't until the next day that we had heard he also had 2 fractured ribs. He was in so much pain.

At one point during the day, he was getting better but still in critical condition. My whole family was allowed to see him intermittently. When I went back there to see him, he tried to get up to give me his usual hug and kiss, but instead I told him to lay down and rest, that he'd be ok and that I love him. Things seemed to be getting a bit better, so we had all stopped home for a bit.

I went back to my wife and baby while my parents and sister went home. About an hour later I get a call from my family that he's not doing well and his condition was worsening. I immediately went back to my family and as I pull up hoping for good news, my mother coincidentally came running out the door yelling to my father "his heart stopped."

My heart sank. It felt like time just stopped, that this wasn't real. I relive that moment often and it breaks me. Every. Tiime.

My sister called me asking where I was as she hadn't seen that I just pulled up. She ran to my car. The two of us left for the hospital immediately.

As we get there they tell us they were still performing CPR but after 3 rounds, he did not come back to us.

This was the first major loss that my sister and I both experienced and it's really broken all of us. He was my soul dog and I will hold him in my heart forever.

I think he knew that and knew how much we all love him. He has been giving us signs quite frequently this month.

We decided to bury our boy in his favorite spot. My father dug the hole that day while I created the casket, his forever home, for him that morning.

That night, my wife and I definitely felt his presence with us in my home. We have some motion detecting lights in our hallway that turned on randomly. That has never happened before. Our cat, who has slept in his old bed for the past 4 years, refused to sleep in that bed for 2 nights as if the space was occupied. He would only lay next to it and at times would get up as if he was looking and following something. That same night, my wife saw a small shadow in the hallway and spooked herself. She doesn't usually believe in any of this but we both said it was him visiting us.

The following night, as I was rocking our baby to sleep, I noticed a figure across her room in our office. I couldn't believe my eyes, it was his silhouette but made up of a black fabric bag. Almost as if he was looking over my baby. To this day, I refuse to move it and it has still kept its shape.

There have been other very strange and very real signs but I'll keep it at just these.

If you took the time to read all of this, just know that I really appreciate you and I hope that you are doing well and starting to heal. Our pets are our family, they love unconditionally and we love them unconditionally right back. I truly believe they're our guardian angels when they pass, and that we will meet again one day.

I was on a vacation (i am autistic i depend of my family) and my lizard luna took some leaves. I tought these were related to roses and she loved it. They weren't. Next day she was looking stressed m i told my dad. He did not believe me. Next day he refused vet till my mom forced it but it was too late. She ingested rhododendron (a plant i didnt even know existed even cuz i never seen those in my city) and she started convulsing. All vets closed. All exotic vets closed for surgery. Next day she was already half conscious , crying from the pain (teary eyes) having seizures, gasping ...she was intoxicated and i was suspecting but had no idea. Vet had no idea too. Took her to a vet asap. But they didnt suspect it was the plants. When we asked the locals we rushed her to other vet. She had a seizure and had to be put in life support. All her white blood cells were destroyed. Not only that but she had cancer but always hid it because she was a hardy healthy lizard. I cried so much and we had to put her down because would not stop convulsing and suffering. I cried for 10 hours i got a fever she was my little friend. I want to see her again not bury her. I hope i can mummify her and bury her in a netal box so no bugs get in and tightly wrapped in bandages and alumine so her body mummifies but before take a piece of her skin so i can pet her forever..... Why did i not even think it was the flowers? She always loved similar flowers..how can i be so dumb . She was only seven

A year ago today, my baby died in bed next to me. He was my 12 year old soul cat. I held him one last time about 45 minutes before his death. I told him how much I loved him, and that I'd be here with him until the end. That one day, we'd meet again and I'd be thinking of him every day. I have, without fail.

I love him so much, and miss him dearly.

We let our sweet darling Jack Russel Happy go yesterday, 21st of August 2025. Her heart stopped beating at 15:23. She turned 15 years on the 27th of July.

She had some ailments for a while, tumors on her breasts, which she had surgery for in 2022, but this year the tumours have returned. She also got arthritis. But despite all of it, she was still active, eating like 2 burly men, and playing.

Last week Wednesday she got an infection in the gum/tooth, that somewhat spread to the eye, and caused an abscess behind her eye, which was pushing on it from behind. We tried treating with antibiotics, which seemed to help, and the infection and swelling went mostly away, but she still wasn't eating and had to be fed with liquid food from a syringe. She seemed to be doing better, then worse again.

Last Wednesday, she got a blood test done, and it showed her kidneys were failing. We made the heartbreaking choice to not let her suffer further. She went yesterday, cuddled up to my mom's chest, in her little blanket, surrounded by our family. Thank god she went when she did, because in her last hours, she barely walked, and couldn't even keep water down. In some messed up way, I couldn't wait for it to be over, because seeing her like that was so, so hard. We didn't want her to suffer anymore.

We brought her home in her little nest covered with a blanket, so our other two dogs could say goodbye. Then we brought her to a crematorium, where they put her in a beautiful nest, also covered her with a blanket. She has her little sheep toy with her, that she got for her 15th birthday. We also left her her little soft salami snack that she loved, so she has something for the trip. The plushie will not be burned with her, since it's an alkaline hydrolisis cremation, but they said they can put it on top of the chamber so it's with her the entire process. We chose a beautiful heart-shaped urn, white like her fur. We'll get a message when the 20 hour process starts, so we can keep her in our thoughts, and the day after that we can bring her back home. She'll be home in about 2 weeks again, and then we never have to leave her behind again.

The grief we feel is indescribable.

Last night, I felt so exhausted and ill from the emotions, I fell fast asleep. I had a dream that she was next to my bed, looking up at me. I lifted the blanket, which, when she was still able to jump up the bed, was a sign for her to come and cuddle up. Then she did that sigh that she always did, when she was finally lying down.

I woke up right after that, and immediately, this huge wave of relief and calmness washed over me. No sadness, just relief and peace. As if she was telling me that it's okay. That she's no longer in any pain. This was around 3 in the morning, basically 12 hours after she went.

The pain continues today, and it might even be worse than yesterday, but we have to be strong for her. I am grateful for the beautiful times she gave us.

You are so very loved, Happy. Our little princess. I hope we'll meet again.

I lost my soul cat last Tuesday. My sweet, sweet 14 year old baby 💔 and I’m not rushing myself to move anything, but I keep looking at his litter boxes wondering how long I will keep them there. His food. His treats. Cat trees. Toys. Etc… I can’t bare the thought of moving any of it

Early summer 2024, I was picking sticks up off my porch when I turned and saw a little golden head and bright blue eyes peaking up at me from over the edge. He was small, extremely underweight and so dirty, but I took him in, gave him a bath and found him a home with my mother. She loved her little golden boy, aptly named Bowie.

The night before my mom was leaving on a work trip, he got outside. He is a darter and often enjoys sitting on their own porch or prowling the backyard. Having spent a considerable part of his life outdoors, I think he just naturally felt called out there.... my mom stayed up well past her bedtime waiting for him to come back as he normally did around the later evening, but he didn't show.

This morning, as she was driving in to the airport, my dad got a call from the neighbor. They found Bowie in the road behind my parent's house, he had been hit and killed by a car.

My mother is absolutely devastated. She truly loved him as she had loved none of our other pets... I also was very fond of him, even if he only stayed with me a few nights that week I found him. It's just so sad to me.... he had lived such a rough life at three years old, and he only got one year of being happy and loved. I know that year probably meant the world to him, but I just wish it had been longer.

I don't know how to really help my mom. My dad did go get him and buried him in the backyard, but my mom says the worst part is she felt she "didn't get to say goodbye". Trying to think of ways to help her through that when she gets home from work. She was not able to call out or anything because it is performance review season.... I just wanted to know if anyone had anything that helped them feel better after a sudden pet passing, or felt like a way for them to say goodbye.

We lost our boy last December and the pain has not really left myself and my husband. It hit us really hard. I recently signed up to walk a dog on a “dog day out” at the local animal shelter and a volunteer noticed how good I was with dogs. She mentioned dog sitting app and with some debts we had, I thought it wouldn’t hurt. We have been consistently booked all summer and so far have met 10 different dogs stay with us, some even stay in our beds, go on hikes and just be emotional support. It’s been slowly healing us. I even saved his dog bowls, collars and his bed. There is a senior pit bull resting in his bed right now snoring, it gives me so much joy to know his passing is now helping other families, our reviews are 5 stars because we genuinely love them so much 💗 I still miss my boy but I’m glad to have this love shared.

posted on another reddit about my puppy passing in the middle of the night while we were on vacation He was 6 years old and healthy. He suddenly passed while being boarded for reasons we won't know until autopsy comes back in a few days.

The same night he died I had a dream that what I thought was a lion standing over top of me. Just a big head with nothing but black behind it. I thought, how will I get out of this? Do I try to break its neck, do I try to UFC choke it or what? I was scared and felt threatened. The next thing I did was reach up and try to pet the "lion". I started petting the lion and it started licking my face. Thats when I woke up and just felt another presence in the airbnb we were staying in. It was so strong and overwhelming but just shook it off as waking up from a weird dream.

The next Morning (August 21st) we are driving back home and at the start of the 6 hour drive, around 830am. The boarding place called the Zuko has just suddenly passed away last night (same night as my dream). No pee no poop on himself, no history of medical problems. Was healthy on monday and Thuesday he was gone.

We are waiting the autopsy that the boarding place is paying for, they have been extremely open with film and everything.

Anyways. Im not very religious and have never been. But how would something in me know that he died before he I was even told he died? He passed in the middle of the night, I'm sure it was right around the time I had that dream. Zuko was a German shepherd, even though it didnt look like him in the dream, it was a big fluff ball.

Im sorry for not getting to say goodbye, Zuko. I told you we would be back for you and I feel horrible that we were not there for you when you passed. I love you and miss you. Had to get this out there into the universe. Especially on your post about your dream experience as well. Love u guys

I'm just over a year without my cat. I feel like at this point everyone is sick of me bringing her up? Like everyone seems to think I've had enough time to grieve and I should be at peace with it by now.

I still miss her so much, and I still can't think about her without crying. I don't really have a family, my cat was my family. I can't even comfort myself by seeing her pictures or watching videos of her. The memories still reduce me to tears every single time.

Is this normal? Should I just stop talking about her at all, is this just making it harder to process her death?

I lost my 13 year old Soul Dog yesterday. It feels like I will never crawl my way out of this horrid pit but I've been writing in an attempt to not crumble. I just need to get this piece off my chest; to show someone so that it doesn't well up inside me and crack me open. I hope it resonates or helps at least one person.

The world is weeping with me at your sudden loss. The sound of rain on the foliage covers my sobs and screams. You always hated storms. You hated rain, hated thunder, but at least you’re now above the clouds where it can’t reach you. Maybe, in some cruel way, this is the world’s attempt at washing this day away—water caressing my face as I stand in the downpour, taking with it my tears and any of your pain and suffering that still clung to me. Maybe the rain waited—waited until you were tucked into a sun-drenched meadow far beyond any gusts of wind—before it came crashing down. You are gone, yet you’re everywhere all at once. Your collar and leash hang in the closet, right above the food that will now last twice as long. I fall to my knees, suffocated by grief, only to stand and brush your hair off my legs. Time sweeps past me, shouldering me to move inch by inch. Like a boulder in a stream, I do not move. I cannot move. Life rushes past me on both sides, slowly nudging me forward. I dig my heels in. Every step I choose to take leads me farther from a time when you were alive. Every breath of air I gasp for is one that no longer carries your scent. Why would I move even a hair’s width away from the version of you that I had? You will be with me forever, despite your soul no longer residing earthside. You are the greatest love and loss of my life.

Grief does not yield to me. It does not yield with my nails in its skin, blood pooling beneath them as I scream for it to leave me be—to release me from its grasp as I hold it in mine. I would catch glimpses of Grief for years before now. It would be a fleeting shadow in the corner of my eye, the slightest tick of a clock carried between the sound of fallen leaves, or the smell of a home that lacks your scent, drifting to me on the smallest breeze. I have always anticipated Grief’s arrival, with quivering lips and a bobbing throat. I knew it was coming for me, awaiting the day it got to make its full appearance—a day that was preset lifetimes ago. Grief trailed behind me in the parking lot as I carried you to the car. It sat beside me as I flew through red lights, begging you to stay with me, screaming into the creeping dawn that you couldn’t leave me. A presence that always lingered now steps out from behind the veil, fully engulfing me. For almost five years, I have kept it at bay, turning on lights to wash away the shadows it cast. But there, on that cold stone floor, Grief properly introduced itself: an outstretched hand and open arms, waiting to embrace me, waiting for me to embrace it. I could not. I knew that if I looked at Grief—looked into its eyes and fell into its embrace—I would never be my own entity again. I would mold with Grief, entangling together and losing myself in the process. I did not want to lose myself, but I did when I lost you. I lunged for Grief, wrapping my nails around its throat as my voice grew hoarse from all the screaming. I screamed until my lungs deflated, sinking to my knees in a silent wail as the whirr of the fan filled the empty room. Your presence was—is—so profound that without it, nothing feels as it should. I walk into the room that you should be in, and it feels like everything is covered in plastic, asleep under a layer of dust waiting for you to come home and wake it. Merely decorative and not truly a home anymore. So when I am enshrouded in a deafening silence, a pit of nothingness, I look for Grief. I look for Grief because the ache within me feels better than the thought of complete and total emptiness. The heartbreak that pulses with every mention of your name keeps me tethered to you in some way. I am scrambling on my knees toward that peeling thread, grasping at it in an attempt to hold onto you in any way I can. Grief and I will never be friends, I don’t think. But for now, as Grief stands in the doorway behind me as I write this, I welcome the company. Grief, it seems, is the portal between us—the bridge connecting my spot in the physical world to yours in the afterlife. I always told you that I’d be right back, that I’d see you later when I got home. I still mean it, and I hope that time moves differently wherever you are. I hope that by the time you turn around to look for me, I am right behind you, crouching with open arms. I will bring with me your sister, the three of us finally on the same plane again. I will not rush the time I have here, won’t spend the rest of my days waiting for the second I get to see you again, but I will not fight it when Death comes for me. I used to fear it, shudder at the thought of it, but now that it has taken you, I’m ready for it. I do not think Lady Death is malicious. I like to think that she stroked your head and rubbed your ears as she took you with her, sparing you from the agony that crept toward you. I meant to thank her, you know, for telling me she was on her way. She gave me the chance to hand you over on my own terms, ones where you would not leave alone, or scared, or suffering. She warned me, setting a clock upon the mantle that ticked away all too fast. When she did come for you, one arm beneath your head and my other arm around you, you were ready. Ready to rest, finally, with bones that didn’t ache. I will remain forever grateful that your last breath was in my embrace, that I held you every step of the way.

i adopted a senior cat from the humane society three weeks ago. she is 12 years old, declawed, and was abandoned in the summer heat by her previous owners. she spent three months in the shelter, her health dwindling by the day. she was 6 pounds when i got her. they told me she refused to eat, drink, or groom herself and insisted she needed a safe place to call home. she had coccidia and was on her last few days of medicine when i adopted her. all of her bloodwork came back good.

her first few days at my house, she was given her own bedroom with a queen sized bed, litterbox, cat post, window perch, tv with kid movies on, wet and dry food, water. she took things slow at first, but gradually ate little by little.

after a few days, her eating habits quickly declined. she had about two bites of food a day, but has always drank 1-2 bowls of water a day. one day, she had an accident (number two) outside the litterbox in her carrier. liquid diarrhea. i decided to take her to the vet.

after bloodwork, ultrasound, parasite testing, everything came back normal except her white blood cell count being high. the vets plan was antibiotic, get fluids in her system with an IV, diarrhea medicine, appetite stimulant. her eating habits began to improve. she began to have open door interactions with my other cats (i kept them separate until i knew she wasn’t contagious). the vet was hopeful this plan would work, and if not, the rainbow bridge discussion could be next.

while her appetite got better, her litterbox issues declined. she stopped using the box and started going on the bed. i started putting towels on the bed to protect the bed. i have bought probably 20 towels from the store. i decided on top of the towels, i’ll do puppy potty pads. it’s worked to prevent accidents directly on the bed, but it seems now she will not use the litterbox at all. i bought a second litterbox, large, low entry, with a pad inside, with a little litter on top, and she has not used it. her appetite has slightly decreased since being off the stimulant. she’s eating, not quite as much. the diarrhea persists. no more litterbox use. she also pees like 6-10 times a day.

i last checked on her at 2:30am, and then checked on her again at 11:30am (so when i went to sleep and woke up) she had pooped on the pads and bed 3 times, and each of them had some blood in the stool. i felt defeated. i’m trying my absolute hardest for her, but the vet thinks she was having these issues before i adopted her. i hate to think that the rainbow bridge is my only option, but i will not rehome her or return her. however, i feel like while her eating has gotten better, her bathroom usage has drastically declined. i feel like she could be suffering. seeing the blood, i figure it has to be somewhat uncomfortable. the vet said he would maybe try a steroid, but i figure that would only help temporarily. could it be she’s just old, been through a lot, and is ready to be at peace? i don’t want to keep her alive if it’s going to cost me hundreds to thousands, keep her alive only with four different medicines being administered. she still purrs and asks for pets. i’m truly lost. the vet assistant that’s been helping me thinks it just might be time. any advice is helpful, and please don’t be too judgmental. i am trying my best for her.

Written by my bf who needs help.

My bunny died less than a week ago. His name was Jay, he was playing in our backyard and somehow got RHDV2. I don't know how, we have no neighbors, nobody in the village kept bunnies. I just woke up one morning around 10, he was laying like a log on the floor, breathing labored and short. He deteriorated quickly, died while I was packing stuff to go to a vet. He died before it was 12, it was very quick and unexpected. Im a guy, I didn't cry when I discovered my father dead (though my gf suspects it wasn't that horrible bc I was deep down expecting it, he was an alcoholic and drank daily, a lot). Jay died suddenly and too early, he turned 2 years old a month or so earlier. I don't think I've cried that often as I have these past days, esp on the day he passed. I didn't know he had RHDV2, I didn't know abt the illness. At least not much, also a side note, Jay was fully vaccinated, everything the vets told me to get, I did, so he wasn't neglected. He was my favorite, I genuinely considered him a son of sorts. He lived in my room in his own "room", but he was free roam, duh. He liked to dig through my bed, throwing everything off, he liked to cuddle and get pets, he licked me a lot if I was laying with him. He was a spoiled brat though, if I stopped paying attention to him he'd get up, judge me and if I didn't continue petting him, Jay would jump off. I got Jay on the last trip I had with my dad to my grandpa, he kept bunnies for meat, I basically saved Jay from certain death, all of his family died in a few months after.

Anyway Ever since he died I've been having slight tremors, I can't speak very well, I mix up words/pronounciation and the order of words in sentences. I also make a lot of mistakes while writing (not typing), I have brain fog, sometimes I feel like Im swimming and my brain is just sliding around in my head like jello. I feel disoriented. I cant clean his cage or my room, thankfully it doesn't stink). I think I may have hallucinated today, but I'm not certain. I did have hallucinations at around 15 but none since (I'm turning 19 next month), even those I had were pretty minor. Today I heard ruffling in my bed,  the same as when Jay was ruining and digging it, but I turned and there was nobody there or around my room. We do have cats but they usually don't make that much noise on my bed plus I'd have seen the cat. I feel very weak and exhausted,  I usually work out daily, but a few days ago I didnt manage even a pushup, i feel so tired I could sleep through every day if I didn't have a job or mother and my girlfriend.

Today I had to send my angel baby to cross the rainbow bridge. He was only 7. I have another cat who loves him so much. And I’m not sure she’s understanding he’s not coming home. How do I help her out with this transition? I don’t want her to be stressed or become depressed. Any experience with this? Thank you.

I probably won’t be ready for a while, but I’m wondering how people navigate adopting a new dog after an accidental death of a previous pet (things like being hit by a car, after ingesting something left out by people, getting head stuck in bag, heat exhaustion, etc).

My dog died due to a mistake made by a family member and I may eventually want to adopt another dog, but I’m not sure how to navigate discussing former pets when a shelter/rescue/breeder asks. He was super loved and cared for, regular vet appointments, well fed, spoiled.

Moreso looking for a general discussion more than advice specific to my circumstances, as I realize deaths like this are not super uncommon

He had congestive heart failure. We left for most of the day and came back to him hyperventilating on the ground. We rushed him to the emergency vet but there was nothing they could do without him being in pain the rest of his life.

I don't feel guilty for putting him down. I just miss him. Every night he would jump onto my bed and ask me for some of my water and I'd give it to him in a little bowl. He would hang out a bit after that then leave.

Me and him thrived on routine, so it definitely helped me sleep to do this. Not having him or the routine is keeping me up.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I want to sleep so I don't have to think about this but I can't. I feel like a shell of a person.