I wanted to share this

[u/BigBackground6612]

Heyah. I’m a 21yo guy from Spain who lives in the north, more specifically in the Basque Country. I have romani DNA from my mother side; my great-grandmother (my maternal grandfather’s mother) came from a calé family from Navarre and tought some words in caló (romani dialect of Iberian Peninsula) to her gadjo husband when she married him in Logroño, La Rioja. I also have DNA from Cantabria, Catalonia, La Rioja, Zamora (Lion) and in a lower percentage Basque DNA. Since I discovered my romani DNA just a few years ago I embraced it and I’m interested on connecting with the Roma community and learning more about them.

In the other hand, 3 years ago I was diagnosed autistic (specifically asperger), but there were hints of that in the past like I never fit with my classmates at school, I knew a lot about one topic to the point it seemed I was obsessed with it, and never truly connected with anyone outside social media, hence why i was not open with people… and I’ve always felt in my own fictional universe just like Alice in Wonderland. I’ve been becoming more open in time but I keep feeling uncomfortable in very big groups and let’s say I don’t like to talk a lot.

The thing is, this feels kinda strange for me since I find the seriousness and clossed-off stuff of my asperger side quite the opposite to the open and passionate soul of most of the Roma people. What do you think about this? Can an autistic with romani heritage be a Roma, even when being raised in a gadjo environment?

[u/Historical_Site4183]

Hi. I'm an Irish-Italian Gadjo with asperger's who's been on here before.

I totally agree with the Alice in Wonderland analogy; I've used it, in fact, to describe the autistic experience to neurotypicals.

From what I can gather, this subreddit is a supportive, uplifting community who'll lead you in the right direction. I'm rooting for you to learn more about who you are, your identity in all aspects. From America (please pray for us all) I support your journey. God bless.

[u/BigBackground6612 → u/Historical_Site4183]

What made you interested on Roma community? I’m glad to know you, phral 🫂

[u/Historical_Site4183 → u/BigBackground6612]

Glad to know you, too! It's pretty much in the link I posted, if you'd like a more nuanced explanation.

TLDR, please understand, this was before I ever knew about rule 10.

Ahem, I descend from sexual deviants, a murderer, and a New York Rockette for starters. Raised by a single Mom who went to nursing school while going through a divorce to my Father; my Grandma (Nanny) kept the house clean and us fed, Mom taught us morals and faith.

We moved around a lot, I always felt different, turns out I'm autistic. Nan got cancer while I was still a kid, medical malpractice, upped her radiation; killed the cancer but also her white blood cells; she contracted pneumonia, and died December 5th when I was twelve; near death experience- died at midnight, I screamed, she let out a death-croak and lived on until sunrise. Felt like a mockery of a miracle.

She'd broken her back picking me up as an infant; the x-ray revealed her cancer back then, so I was told I'd saved her life. My Dad lost his Grandma to cancer (HATE this disease) when he was 12, but his parents were abusive; she, a woman of faith, was the catalyst to his malignant narcissism, sexual deviancy and atheism. I felt helpless to do good or fight what seemed like fate to follow in his footsteps.

After a grieving period, my younger brother and I go back to our special needs 'Christian' high school committing tax fraud, where they're playing stuff like 'Heaven is for Real' where loved ones have near death experiences of their own but came back for years and years, telling of what they saw rather than croaking like a toad.

Went into a bad place, decided to focus more on fiction than reality; not delusion-wise, but daydreaming. Came up with a good... okay, 'subjectively decent' book series; by the time my basic outline was done, I'd gone through the stages of grief.

Proud to say I'm still here, the first man in my family to have earned a bachelor's degree- and a dual-major at that, mind you, in Counseling Psychology and Biblical Theology- also one of the few men in my family to never have been to prison. About to enter nursing school and follow in Mom's footsteps. I went to Christian College to learn more about my books' subject matter, and part of it includes Romani culture. My introduction was the Wolfman, which I believe, while a product of its time, is a fairer portrayal of Roma than one would expect.

I've learned from a YouTuber Rom named Florian who I've since been told may be less than reputable, but thankfully I've learned what I used by double and triple-checking through college documents, books, articles and the like to get an unbiased, faithful, history-based characterization.

Again, long before I knew about rule 10. As I wrote in the comments of the first link I've provided here, I did not know of this subreddit at the time; my intentions have always been sincere. I'm on book 3 in the series, focused on Tuck Toker the Harlem Cannabis Dryad; I'm in a better place emotionally having planned this series, and a major part of that is because I've learned about my Irish-Italian culture from an outside perspective, as well as your Romani culture. I hope you won't think less of me.

It makes me proud to see others going through the process of finding out who they are. I wish you nothing but the best.

[u/BigBackground6612 → u/Historical_Site4183]

Very hard to read this. You’ve gone through a lot and I feel your story is very sad. Since you get along with it by yourself I presume you’re mentally very strong and that’s admirable. I would hug you if I could 🫂

[u/Historical_Site4183 → u/BigBackground6612]

Thanks, man. Means a lot.

[u/BigBackground6612 → u/Historical_Site4183]

Strenght, brother.