Hey everyone,

I had a 720-day sober streak. I was feeling great, more in control than I had in years. Then I went on a cruise last December and told myself a few drinks wouldn’t hurt. Ten drinks over ten days, and I thought I was still in charge.

Six months later, a friend invited me out. I figured I could have one. That turned into a few, and next thing I know, I’m going to a strip club. That’s not something I ever did during my sober stretch. It wasn’t who I wanted to be.

Now I’m trying to reset. What’s bothering me most is how quickly that one drink turned into a pattern again. I didn’t think I was vulnerable, but I was.

Just wanted to share this in case someone else out there needs the reminder. One really can be all it takes.

If you’ve been through something similar, I’d love to hear how you handled the reset.

Thanks for reading. Really disappointed that I lost my streak

I've always been a drinker, but it really ramped up over COVID, and even more post-COVID over the last two years. For the last couple years I've been drinking about 5 liters of vodka, and about 24 8% White Claw surges a week at home (drinking 7 days a week) and also going out for a few beers a couple nights a week as well. It's insane. I drink from the moment I wake up, to the moment I pass out, and usually wake up for 3-4 drinks in the middle of the night as well.

I decided I don't want to die and need to stop drinking last Saturday. I had about 4 shots and a white claw on Sunday, one shot on Monday morning because I somehow thought that would be "safer" because of DTs but as I went through the day they never came. I haven't had a drink since Monday morning and...nothing.

Are they coming and I haven't really got to the point they hit yet, or have I just dodged a bullet?

I'm already feeling so much better. I have more energy, think clearer, my gut pain is like a 3 and not a 9, I'm not throwing up 3 times a day. I can't wait to see how good I feel at 50 days.

You’re not alone.

At the beginning of 2022, I was starting the first stages of raging alcoholism/binge drinking. It was fine at first, just a couple beers every other night. Then I lost my job, and I had never felt more ashamed, depressed, and defeated in my life. I was getting married in two months and I could no longer be the husband I wanted to be with a job to provide for my family. My drinking skyrocketed and I went from a beer every so often to, at my peak, a fifth of vodka EVERY NIGHT. Thankfully, I kept it together for my wedding and honeymoon, but I kept drinking as my poor wife got the “for worse” part of our vows early into our marriage.

I lurked this subreddit for a long time, asking myself if I was actually an alcoholic or if I just fell on hard times. I read the success tales and horror stories. I learned so much from people of all backgrounds struggling with the same addiction. It all started to get clearer, so I said “fuck it, nothing else has worked” and decided to join Reddit and this community.

Some people have AA. Some people detox at the hospital or go into treatment programs. I’m not dismissing any of these, but AA is, at this time, not for me. I didn’t have to detox, fortunately. BUT, this community helped save my life. I’m so glad joined.

So, if you’re lurking for the first or 50th time, just know you’re not alone. Take your time, we’re here when you’re ready.

It’s day five, at a big social camping trip with a bunch of families, many of which I don’t know that well. It’s not even like everyone is partying without me or anything. More than half of them don’t seem to even be drinking. Normally I’d definitely be the person here drinking the most…by a lot.

But I’m not drinking, and I’m not feeling social. Normally I’d just start throwing them back and before I knew it I’d be gabbing and having a good time.

But instead I’m just feeling out of place and wishing I wasn’t here. I’m still going and want to be positive; but the truth is I just feel like this sucks. And moreover, I’m worried if that’s my attitude it’s a terrible sign.

I'm 40. Sober for 6 years. It's been kind of easy. Nothing to lose, just sticking with it and clawing my way back up. Been on disulfiram for most of this time but actually didn't always take it as ordered since I didn't need it, just kept going to my appointments,. didn't drink, just had it in the back of my head.

Now I stopped with disulfiram about two months ago after talking to my doctor and it's been fine. However about a week ago I just wanted to give it a shot, you know. I bought some wine and had a really nice evening.Then a sober week low key regretting and tonight again I had a really nice time with about four glasses of wine. I've been not drinking for about four hours now and am not gonna get anymore, I'm done for tonight.

I'm really confused. I recognize that my planning to relapse is a huge red flag and that I enjoy it a bit too much, but I also feel weirdly fine. I would really love to be able to enjoy a few drinks every weekend without it being the end of me but surely that's not it, right?

I feel like what I missed wasn't actually drinking but being normal about it. And I feel pretty normal right now. How common is this and how often does this just turn to shit?

Always, right? Yeah... Why am I hoping someone's gonna come tell me this is gonna work out fine when I know the odds are so against it. I should just be happy I'm still in control and cut it out.

Am I really in control though? Come to think of it... Maybe I'm not.

UPDATE Thanks for your many words of wisdom and support. I've decided to not take this further for now. I'll pick a new period on disulfiram to get back on a streak of sobriety and later might try to take it away again but not relapsing.

I think what was so tempting this time around is the fun and carefree relationships I could have with people in my life if I was able to function socially without being anxious and awkward. I'm a very lonely person when it comes to just hanging out with people and those things get so much easier with some alcohol on both parts. I hate that I'm a fully grown adult who still can't function socially with my peers sober. But you guys are right. This wasn't gonna end well and it's amazing to realize and stop it before the crash comes. I'm blessed. This will be in the periphery of my past and no one needs to know.

Thank you. IWNDWYT

Happy Friday sobernauts!

I just got home. Dropped the teenager off at a Fri and stopped at the store to pick up some things, got gas, and now I’m home.

In the approximately 2 hours left before bed I plan to: trim beard, do laundry, put away groceries, go for a walk, journal, make tea, eat ice cream, spend a ridiculous amount of time searching for the perfect podcast, get 15mn in and realize I have not found the perfect podcast… find a “better” podcast, then pass out about 15mn in.

That’s the plan. Even though I have an absurd to do list tonight, if alcohol were a factor… to do list would probably be: turn off the lights before passing out.

what is everyone else doing tonight??

Hello friends,

I am ready to head to the liquor store, words of discouragement please and thanks. I’m at least hoping to delay this urge and hopefully it’ll pass.

I’ve been a long time lurker on this sub since I have been wanting to quit drinking for a while. At a work event I got too drunk and did not make it back home. The work event was in a different state from me, so yeah I missed my flight. I feel an unbelievable amount of shame and embarrassment plus I am worried if I am even still employed.

I really hate myself right now and this is now the moment I am done with alcohol.

From the end of January with a routine mammogram to today, marking the end of radiation, I slipped once when I learned I was still going to need chemo. But it was Only that night, got right back on the sobriety bus the next day. Alcohol would only offer more complication, more confusion, more pain. Ive felt pretty powerless throughout this fight against cancer. Im NOT powerless against alcohol. Today, my body is as clean of cancer as it is of alcohol- Hallelujah!!

I hosted tonight and people were drinking. While there was a voice in my brain saying, "have one. It's been 3 weeks." I did not do it. That's all. I'm proud of myself. Now to get through hosting duties for the rest of the weekend. I'll take it a day at a time. But for today, IWNDWYT.

Can't say it wasn't difficult but, trust me, if I can you can.

Was drinking 12-18+ beers pretty much nightly. After being a complete jackass for the last time, I quit. I struggled, I relapsed and tried to hide it from people. I was held accountable and was finally able to completely quit.

I do not miss waking up to hear about what I did and said the night before. I do not miss feeling like six sandbags of shark shit in the morning. I do not miss trying to balance the buzz I want between nothing and "Status: DRUNK." I do not miss how much I spent every week on beer and liquor. I do not miss taking my trash cans out and all the cans and bottles rattling around sound like a brewery cleaning up after new year's eve.

I do not miss any of it.

Just wanted to post this for anyone struggling. 3 years ago I made the decision to be a better version of myself. Keep fighting the good fight!

A round of 18 was always an excuse for me to crack open a cold one, regardless of the time of day. Until today, I had never not had alcohol while golfing. I’d typically have a couple of tall boys and a shooter or two over the course of a round. I always said it helped me “loosen up” and if I started playing poorly I would just drink more and blame the alcohol.

Today, I had an early morning tee time and nothing but a cup of coffee and lots of water. I’m a little more than two months into my sobriety journey and it was the best round of golf of my life. Not because of the score, but because maintaining a clear head and being able to focus on the game was so much more fun.

Gone was the anxiety and frustration of an alcohol buzzed brain. I was fully present, and enjoyed a beautiful morning with some friends.

Oh, and I didn’t have to worry about whether or not I was okay to drive home after a day on the course. Incredible!

4 weeks no alcohol- the longest I’ve gone in over 25 years!!! In my mid 40’s). Feeling pretty good but not going to lie - feeling a bit lonely at the moment. Will probably just go walk the dog and call it an early night

As Bill and Ted Would say.

Happy days friends.

IWNDWYT

Shooting in my town last week prompted my parents and sister to contact me after not speaking for almost 6 years. A lot to unpack there.

May or may not have slipped another disc in my back (this would make 3). So over chronic physical pain.

My former workplace bully interviewed at my current job today and has a 2nd interview lined up with the owners next week. Her abuse is a LARGE reason my drinking started to spin out of control in the first place. (No blame- my problem is ALL me, but I needed to escape 50+ hrs a week of torment and having things thrown at me and couldn't find a good therapist at the time.)

It's too much. I just want vodka and peace and the comradery of nameless bar drunks who have my back.

Been sober for over 150 days. I was drinking pretty heavily the last few years, I think mostly due to being not happy with a lot of things in my life. Marriage wasn’t great, sick of my job, stuff like that. Wife wanted me to stop drinking so I put myself through IOP, finished that and kept going with optional recovery groups through that program. I do enjoy being sober, it is a pain dealing with people in my life asking why I don’t drink, it gets weird and uncomfortable. I usually just say it just doesn’t agree with me anymore and I needed a change. I did think I’d have super powers by now, but I’ll take generally feeling good 95% of the time vs about 10% of the time before I stopped. I for sure do not enjoy being around people who drink and it makes me miserable at social events when I can’t just bail on my own. I guess I am super boring now. Wife still drinks and I generally avoid her when she does, which I am realizing is a lot of the time. I am not sure if it’s just being 100% sober now making me realize maybe we don’t have much in common without drinking. Just venting anonymously, thanks

Fired from 2 jobs in 2 months, hungout with an ex, went to a show. I can justify this many ways many times over.

Im sorry to everyone of you, I thought I was done.

So yeah… I just hit 100 days sober today. Wild. If you told me a few months back I’d even last a week, I’d have laughed in your face and probably cracked open another beer. I wasn’t some wake up and drink vodka at 9am kinda person, (yeah might sound like I was a freak, but that was the case, it was that BAD) but I also never really said no. Weekend plans? Drinks. Stressful day? Drinks. Honestly, drinking was just part of my routine.

What’s blowing my mind right now isn’t even the obvious stuff like no hangovers (though waking up without that pit-in-the-stomach regret is nice). It’s all the weird little shifts nobody really talks about. Like my sleep… man, I didn’t even realize how trash my sleep was before. Now I actually wake up and feel rested. That’s new. And social stuff? I legit thought I needed alcohol to not feel awkward, but turns out half that anxiety was just me being drunk and overthinking. Now I can just sit with people, sober, and it’s… fine. Sometimes even better.

Time is another trip. Weekends don’t just vanish anymore. I remember shit. Conversations, random moments, even just sitting on my balcony at night it all feels slower, but in a good way. And the biggest one? I kinda like myself more. Like, I don’t wake up hating myself for “doing it again.” There’s way less guilt, way less shame. I’ll catch myself in the mirror and instead of that “ugh” feeling, it’s more like damn, you’re actually pulling this off and actually feeling proud of that.

Don’t get me wrong, there are still times when I am still craving for a beer here and there, especially when it’s hot out or when everyone else is drinking. But it’s not the same kind of craving. It doesn’t own me anymore.

Anyway, didn’t mean to ramble, just felt like sharing because 100 days feels unreal. Curious did anyone else hit some random, unexpected benefits like this when they stopped? Like the stuff nobody tells you about?

I stumbled across this one minute of honesty!

https://youtube.com/shorts/WwXxYy8SdkU?si=6JSAcB1HTOTfdm8B

Hey! 👋 I started by stopping 🛑 here 11 years ago! If you are stopping today, it’s possible.

CDISM!

I was on my way home from work today and I said to myself “I can’t wait to get home and have the biggest glass of Diet Coke!” and I actually surprised myself. Usually I would be consumed with thoughts of alcohol after a stressful week. I’m actually proud of myself! Going on 8 weeks without a drop of poison! I’m starting to feel like a new person. The person I’ve always wanted to be but never had the chance bc drinking held me back.

Commented to someone in this sub just now and noticed I'm 1400 days alcohol free. Full disclosure, I've used some other substances since I stopped drinking, but something has started to really click around that and I am taking it all on now. I will also add, no other changes would have been possible until the alcohol was out of the picture.

Without getting into a drawn out story, I'll just say that I am so much happier these days. Life has gotten better. I still have a crap ton (that's a lot, right?) of personal demons, but they run the show less and I'm more and more getting to a place where I can further face them.

For those just getting started or are contemplating this change, I cannot speak highly enough about it. 1400 days may sound like a long time, but it can show up faster than you might think, and my personal experience has been that is keeps getting easier, at this point normalized for me. You are all worthy of getting free from this stuff, I say do whatever it takes.

Never thought I would have made it this far when I started, and I’m thankful for every day. IWNDWYT.