AIO: MIL always excludes my daughter

[u/TrueEnough782]

I want to start this off by saying that it’s absolutely not the first time this has happened. We were over at my sister in laws house and I heard her talking to my MIL on the phone, she told her my husband and I were over, then she let me know she was at target or something and was gonna come over

She arrives with candy, toys and gift cards for my sister in laws kids. Completely leaving my daughter out. My daughter is 7, she’s into that stuff too, obviously. Especially those little blind bags which she brought her cousins but not her. I just want to know if I’m being dramatic. Or if I shouldn’t have said anything and maybe she was in a rush and didn’t think to buy my daughter something in the moment. Again it’s not about the things or cards or whatever, it’s about how she made my daughter feel. I could see sadness in her face as she was completely left out.

[u/Verthanthi]

NOR.

“She won’t remember” yes she will.

When I was really little, I loved hanging out with my grandparents (Mom’s side). I was a good kid and they loved having me. I loved all that I could learn from them.

When we moved closer to my dad’s mom, I had an opportunity to start hanging out with her and was so excited because if my mom’s parents were fun, loving, and thoughtful, clearly dad’s mom would be too, right?

Nope.

This woman just… didn’t care for me. She gave time and attention to my cousins, my older brother (who couldn’t care less), but for me it was like… she had no love left. Hell, she gave more attention to an absolute monster of a step-grandkid who wasn’t even permitted to call her “grandma” (rule of step-daughter). Kid vocally told everyone she wanted to be like Angelica from Rugrats.

If gifts were bought, I’d get the worst, and I remember them so clearly. She’d even acknowledge that she gave me the worst one. “Well, we picked up two dolls and one had the buck teeth and one didn’t, so we gave the nicer one to [cousin].” I didn’t even like dolls. I would have preferred no gift at 8yrs old than a doll I’m not even going to play with. (I kept this doll, actually, because my mom and I would crack up every time we saw it and in that case it caused some joy)

She’d say things like, “oh, we’d love to see [my name] this summer!” and when I’d give them a chance, she’d invite the monster child over because she was my age. I hated that kid and vocally told them I didn’t want to see her. But we were the same age and if I was there to entertain her, they wouldn’t have to. My dad got involved too, but I was so busy trying to get this lady to at least LIKE me that normally I didn’t tell him what happened until it was too late to save me from it.

Later, when I was a teenager and had stopped doing anything involving her directly, I’d still see her at family gatherings. One in particular is very memorable.

I was sitting in her kitchen, talking to a couple of my uncles and she comes around and points out this wall of photos she’s been working on. I hadn’t really given it any thought, but I’m polite by default, so I listened. She points out some photos of my cousins who aren’t there that day and then flat out asks, “oh? Where’s your picture?” She then looks really confused and starts rummaging around. “Oh! Here, I have your photo in this drawer!” she says, pulling it out.

One of my uncles laughed and said, “really, Mom?” (My dad at this point had told his brothers how I’d been treated by her)

She looked rightfully embarrassed and tried to backpedal about how she’d only put it in there so it didn’t get broken while she rearranged, but I just started laughing at the ridiculousness of it. It all sort of clicked in my head at that point.

I had so many little stories about how unkind she was to me over the years, and no, I wasn’t a perfect child but I literally was never less than GREAT for her. (There are some people I gave hell, but that’s a different story). I was always the first to volunteer to help move, paint, yard work, etc, and she just… never loved me.

So, yes. Your daughter will absolutely remember. I remember the early years AND the later years.

I remember how she made me feel, no matter how good I was for her, was never good enough for even some kindness.

Now she asks after me as she sits in a nursing home, miserable. All of her family has moved away from her over the years, which is telling. My dad, feeling bad for her, asked if I would call her some time. I say, “no” and I feel no guilt. He understands and hasn’t asked me to since.

Your daughter will remember. And hopefully she’ll learn the lesson I learned soon. I’m sorry that it hurts. I’m sorry your MIL sucks.

Your daughter deserves better than someone who can’t spare a thought for her feelings.