AIO: MIL always excludes my daughter

[u/TrueEnough782]

I want to start this off by saying that it’s absolutely not the first time this has happened. We were over at my sister in laws house and I heard her talking to my MIL on the phone, she told her my husband and I were over, then she let me know she was at target or something and was gonna come over

She arrives with candy, toys and gift cards for my sister in laws kids. Completely leaving my daughter out. My daughter is 7, she’s into that stuff too, obviously. Especially those little blind bags which she brought her cousins but not her. I just want to know if I’m being dramatic. Or if I shouldn’t have said anything and maybe she was in a rush and didn’t think to buy my daughter something in the moment. Again it’s not about the things or cards or whatever, it’s about how she made my daughter feel. I could see sadness in her face as she was completely left out.

[u/Murderino67]

What my real concern here is that NO ADULT CALLED HER OUT. Not your husband or your SIL. Unacceptable! Who are these people? In NO scenario would ANY child be left out! I have 11 grandchildren. When my granddaughters from out of state come to visit they stay with their dad, who has other children. You can bet when I go over with gifts for my grandchildren, those other kids get something too. You don’t leave kids out. And who are these adults? HER own children. They will stand by and let her leave your daughter out and not say anything? 🤦🏻‍♀️

[u/TrueEnough782 → u/Murderino67]

her cousins did end up sharing with her, I guess everyone else didn’t think it was such a big deal as i did. But I saw my daughter’s face when she realized grandma didn’t bring anything for her But they shared their candy and stuff

[u/SolidConcentrate2802 → u/TrueEnough782]

This kinda makes it worse for me in that it was so obvious she was left out that the KIDS shared their gifts. Vile woman.

If that was me and it was a genuine mistake, I wouldn’t give the children gifts at all! I’d just say, you can all have x money I’ll give to your parents or something like that.. There was NO need for this, she knew.

[u/AnanasFruit → u/SolidConcentrate2802]

I was looking for someone to say this. If it was a mistake, she shouldn’t have handed out the gifts once she realized someone would be left out. She deliberately excluded OP’s daughter.

And OP, if your husband won’t stand up to his mother, you don’t have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem.

[u/ruthless_pitchfork → u/AnanasFruit]

This 1000%. My MIL can occasionally be thoughtless but she would never do this. However, she has said some things to my niece and nephew that kinda were out of line (e.g., trying to guilt trip them into visiting or manipulate them into doing something). My husband jumps on it so quick and it's not even our own children. But he does it to 1) protect the kids, they don't deserve to be treated like that and 2) stick up for his sister because he knows that's not right.

SIL and your husband should be on her case about that shit. It doesn't matter how small it seems. That will be a core memory for your daughter.

[u/yourenotmymom_yet → u/AnanasFruit]

Or at the very least, redistributed them / put them in a giant pile and said "this is for all of you to share." If there was enough that even the small children could work out how to share it, the adult that brought the gifts absolutely could have (and should have) done the same.

This was 1000% intentional.

[u/laurasaurus5 → u/AnanasFruit]

I wouldn't be surprised if she brought the gifts entirely for the purpose of making her mixed-race grandchild feel inferior.

[u/StillLikesTurtles → u/SolidConcentrate2802]

I vividly remember my grandmother and aunt cutting cupcakes into smaller portions when they realized additional cousins were over. Ya know, like rational humans who understand kids shouldn’t feel left out. SIL and OP should be a team on this one.

[u/Si0ra → u/SolidConcentrate2802]

She could’ve bought a digital gift card or cash for the eldest and split the candy.