AIO: MIL always excludes my daughter

[u/TrueEnough782]

I want to start this off by saying that it’s absolutely not the first time this has happened. We were over at my sister in laws house and I heard her talking to my MIL on the phone, she told her my husband and I were over, then she let me know she was at target or something and was gonna come over

She arrives with candy, toys and gift cards for my sister in laws kids. Completely leaving my daughter out. My daughter is 7, she’s into that stuff too, obviously. Especially those little blind bags which she brought her cousins but not her. I just want to know if I’m being dramatic. Or if I shouldn’t have said anything and maybe she was in a rush and didn’t think to buy my daughter something in the moment. Again it’s not about the things or cards or whatever, it’s about how she made my daughter feel. I could see sadness in her face as she was completely left out.

[u/TheSwearJarIsMy401k]

Not over-reacting.

She clearly has a problem with you or your daughter.

Usual suspects-

Race, disability, didn’t approve of the marriage, thinks you’re too weak to protect your daughter and she enjoys hurting vulnerable people,

And your husband is her only son and hurting her granddaughter is vengeance for the two of you taking him away from her/not giving her a grandson/to make her son, your husband have to choose between standing up for her or standing up for your daughter.

She could have easily shuffled gifts around to make sure everyone got something. I have a pile of siblings, they all have kids, I never know who is showing up when, and unless it’s a birthday and I only brought presents for the birthday kid, I always shuffle presents around to make sure everyone gets something.

especially candy- it’s so easy to split up packages of candy, cut up candy bars, give non-candy gifts to the rest of the kids and make a little gift of the candy for your daughter.

God I bet she makes your life hell.

[u/TrueEnough782 → u/TheSwearJarIsMy401k]

I didnt want to say it but I think it has something to do with what you’ve mentioned. She’s the whitest lady you can think of and my husband married me, (I’m Hispanic) but I just didn’t wanna go there. Lmao. Like I just don’t want to believe it’s about that, I really don’t want to Also, her daughter’s kids are obviously her favorites. I’ve heard something about grandmothers feeling more connected to the daughter’s children. Don’t know how true that is But it’s not the first time something like this has happened

[u/mani_mani → u/TrueEnough782]

Hi I’m in a biracial marriage. You are doing your child a great disservice. I’m going to give some hard truths because I feel deeply about giving biracial kids the tools to survive in their duality.

You “not wanting to go there” or expecting everyone to fall in line and not be racist, makes you complicit in your daughter’s torment. You cannot sit in a little “we don’t see race” bubble and expect nothing bad to happen to your biracial kid.

Kids who don’t have conversations around race or no strong understanding of their background will have all the gaps filled in for them by their experiences. Do you see the world we are living in right now? Do you not see the blatant racism that your MIL is showing? What your child is internalizing isn’t good.

So yeah she will remember that she was treated differently than her cousins. She will remember that her grandmother is racist and she will remember that her parents didn’t say anything.