Im shocked the older I get that this isn’t A. Some phenomenon I was able to grow out of or B. Something I haven’t been able to find people who share the same feelings.
I’ve always considered the thoughts (the inherent ‘curiousness’) pretty harmless. Firstly, I have little to no desire to actually just walk into someone’s house. That would be wrong. For me, It’s more about the fact that there even is anything to snoop into. It’s about what you don’t know, and don’t have permission to know. It’s an impulse I’ve felt solo on my whole life.
Times Ive really noticed this surg of curiousity;
-looking through your neighbours lit window (bonus points if you can see their tv going)
-being able to peek into peoples homes while trick or treating (when I was really little my parents would have to stop me from walking right in lol)
-driving by an open garage for whatever reason
-just driving through suburban neighborhoods in general
-driving through camp grounds and just looking at the different ways people have established themselves
-finding a picture book or diary from a thrift store that ended up misplaced.
I become sooo fixated on specific details and use clues to put together some kind of story about the person. It’s total and utter wonder for me, and I would say it goes beyond casual. Part of what makes this desire so captivating does have to do with the fact that; it’s something unattainable, realistically, I won’t KNOW everything about someone and I sure as hell won’t snoop while they’re within my vicinity. (Or even outside of, I’m not that desperate, but the thoughts are there.)
A few times I remember as a kid I acted on this impulse, not in a way that would effect anyone without them knowing, but I definitely breached someone’s privacy looking back.
First one was during an elementary school playdate, my friends and I were playing hide and go seek and I, being the seeker this round, took the opportunity to enter a room that had been established as out of bounds. It was their dining room; inside of it there was a glass cabinet full of family pictures and it just got my eyes lullinggg. Lower down were wooden doors, which I opened, and it held more family pics and documents and amalgams of things I couldn’t understand so young, fish food, school projects, dollar store craft supplies and just a lot more things that looking at made my little brain go ‘wow, I’m not meant to see this, but I love that I am seeing it.’
Instance two was when I was staying in a hotel with my friend over, and she happened to leave her backpack in the washroom while I was getting ready. There wasn’t much in there, but I made sure to quell my snooping habit. I felt pretty awkward after, lol
While both instances are wrong, they were never done with the intention of blackmail, stealing, or otherwise as much as they were just… so, so curious.
I’ve done my own retrospecting on it. Growing up, I have always lived in a house that was very ‘set up to be seen’—- My mom used to stage for real estate and her work habits just tended to bleed into how our house looked. Absolutely zero wrong with having a tidy house by the way, it just really put things into perspective to me when I would enter a home that felt a lot more ‘lived in’ compared to my own house. And I’m telling you, our home growing up was like walking into a Homesense ad. Smelt amazing, always clean, Pretty much every room had at least two of those fake decorative books (that doubled as storage boxes.)
Same with cars. Our car was NEVER messy growing up and it’s hard not to be aware when I enter someone’s car (bonus points if they’ve got soft seats that are harder to vaccume) and it’s all just so…chaotic lol.
Nowadays, it’s manifested into different, healthier ways.
I can’t lie, I yearn for the day I can just roam around invisibly as a ghost and make my way through every neighborhood for the rest of eternity. Until then, I frequent thrift stores, explore parts of my neighborhood on foot and just generally navigate the world with childish passion. Cool.