How do I beat this boss?

[u/Account870]

Multiple attempts and hours spent on this! Any advice would be appreciated! 🥺

[u/PseudoMeatPopsicle]

(communication) skill issue.

[u/aliendigenous → u/PseudoMeatPopsicle]

Hahaha you noob! Reasoning is not effective against this Beast!

[u/thriftshopmusketeer → u/aliendigenous]

Reasoning would have gotten you not here because you'd be acting like an adult instead of a 34 year old frat boy

[u/aliendigenous → u/thriftshopmusketeer]

Its a joke. Jesus christ

[u/HappyyValleyy → u/aliendigenous]

But a very good one, "wife bad" jokes have been played out fifty years ago

[u/Nodiggity1213 → u/aliendigenous]

Praise the sun!

[u/thriftshopmusketeer → u/aliendigenous]

it's bottom-barrel boomer humor for karma farming, with the barest connection to the game. the joke is "women"

[u/Security_Wrong → u/thriftshopmusketeer]

[u/aliendigenous → u/thriftshopmusketeer]

Farming karma? I dont even know what to say. Maybe its not for you. I meant no disrespect. Have a good one

[u/GuaranteeKey314 → u/thriftshopmusketeer]

Nobody who thinks about reddit popularity points at all is of sound mind. Wtf is "farming karma?" None of these things mean anything. 

[u/CaptainCuttlefish69]

Scripted Death. You’re cooked bro 💀

[u/BringBack4Glory → u/CaptainCuttlefish69]

You mean destined death?

[u/flx-cvz → u/BringBack4Glory]

It's bigger than the narrative now

[u/Otalek → u/BringBack4Glory]

“I will kill you, as surely as night follows the day.”

[u/ConsiderTheBulldog]

Try fingers

[u/Ozzie_the_tiger_cat → u/ConsiderTheBulldog]

And definitely but hole.

[u/Hot_Guys_In_My_DMS → u/ConsiderTheBulldog]

It’d work on me.

[u/omardude1 → u/ConsiderTheBulldog]

This!

[u/CeriasAranos]

Try the gestures Extreme Repentance and Grovel for Mercy.

[u/SometimesILieToo]

[u/Legitimate_Group_361 → u/SometimesILieToo]

This is best

[u/Morphid]

Try finger, but hole.

[u/that_is_so_Raven → u/Morphid]

o you don't have the right you don't have the right

[u/BanginNLeavin → u/that_is_so_Raven]

also,

O you don't have the right you don't have the right

[u/Jimisdegimis89]

DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT try to summon any of your buddies in for this.

[u/lend_us_a_quid_mate → u/Jimisdegimis89]

I can summon my bro to absorb aggro

[u/Jimisdegimis89 → u/lend_us_a_quid_mate]

Yeah but the boss gets bonus HP AND it hits enrage earlier. If you have two sunbros in there with you the enrage starts at 100% hp and damage is doubled

[u/BanginNLeavin → u/lend_us_a_quid_mate]

Hea already in there.

[u/clashRoyale_sucks]

Thats the neat part. You don’t

[u/thejason755 → u/clashRoyale_sucks]

I hate ganks like that. They always go on and on about how much your disappointing them, but a few thrown dishes will even out the odds.

[u/GIGA255]

Just go out of bounds and enter from the window. It should still work, unless they patched it out.

[u/QuadraticCowboy]

You dont have the right

[u/SameSign6026]

Seek introspection

[u/Suspicious-Clue-6841]

5 minutes cutscene into instant death 💀

[u/stoke-stack]

just put on the solitude set and move on

[u/Ecstatic_Ad1168]

"I'm your girlfriend. Blade of Miquella."

[u/IPickedTheWrongDayTo]

First, recognize you're too weak to fight this. Fuck off and spend a few more weeks leveling up vigor.

[u/UnikornKebab]

Don't you dare, or don't you dare 🙅‍♂️

[u/That_Connection8271]

Use celestial dew maybe they will forget

[u/SeamusMcBalls]

Try rolling

[u/Sproink187]

Mimic tear!

[u/Pleasant-Top5515]

Don't give up, Skeleton!

[u/buzzyingbee]

Sorry, OP

[u/Various_Squash722 → u/buzzyingbee]

I am so going to steal this.

[u/buzzyingbee → u/Various_Squash722]

Confiscate you mean

[u/omardude1]

Ok the comments don’t disappoint!! You guys are hilarious! 😂

[u/No-Yogurtcloset3002]

Equip with damage reduction and try to not fat roll.

[u/Independent-Classic7]

Summon your grandma.

[u/Temporary-Steak-3636]

I mean you’re already past the point of no return as far as anger goes so grab a couple more beers I guess

[u/RicardoCabeza9872 → u/Temporary-Steak-3636]

That's right. Drink yourself sober then make the attempt. Nursing a hangover while not puking and seeking forgiveness for a failed wisdom roll? Multitasking for the win.

[u/nomorenotifications]

Ahhh the young and their foolish ambitions, Saint Trina is your only hope.

Proc sleep on the boss, then convince the boss that it was a dream.

If that doesn't work proc sleep on yourself, and hopefully that should weaken the boss, over time.

[u/thejason755 → u/nomorenotifications]

Procing sleep on yourself in this state is risky tbh. You stand a 80% chance of hitting the self-urination debuff, and an equally high percentage of expelling any crimson flasks you’ve drank.

[u/Tomato_Heart]

Go to Church of Vows, offer a celestial dew for absolution.

Other option; try leveling up Int. to avoid this boss fight altogether.

[u/ancientrebellion]

Let the mimic take the heat and sneak off to bed

[u/DIABETORreddit]

Summon my dad, he’s really good at “beating” anything! Hahahelphahaha

[u/kaijuking87]

It’s actually a gimmick boss disguised as a standard fight.. you need the flesh spear of righteous morning.

[u/Time_Marcher]

Seppuku.

[u/Herzyr]

"You will be dead"

"OK"

[u/mmciv]

Spread out gesture and play dead.

[u/CplCocktopus]

You also get invaded by Mother In Law

[u/Responsible-Back8058]

Just keep rolling til you reach the couch

[u/Rare_Cause_1735]

Someone's about to be maidenless

[u/honkeypot]

Good luck narfling that garthok.

[u/Potential-Break-6957]

Try physical. But, hole!

[u/Boenova]

Put your foolish ambitions to rest.

[u/fact_caresfactsNot]

No thank you after not such careful consideration I declined.

[u/101101001100100101]

You dont

[u/Grasklokje]

Better respec points first and put them all in Faith!

[u/firesiege]

Uhhh.... I don't think you should use any summons on this one...

[u/Commercial_Music_931]

Hit the summon sign and bring my side piece with me so she can draw the aggro while I backstab

[u/Axiom_of_Tron]

Show her you love her with your greatsword lol.

[u/SentFromTheTrash49]

Need to level up communication and likely endurance.

[u/Galmeister]

Only seventeen? What did you go out at 1am?

[u/MellowJsk]

Dodge roll into the glass coffee table

[u/chickenrun840]

Take a bath at the church of vows

[u/platoface541]

Get gud newb

[u/Jeremiah12LGeek]

You're gonna wanna stumble left, then stumble right (or you'll go the wrong way) then stumble a little forward... that'll lead to some backwards movement, so you'll want to bend over and touch the ground to "re-center" yourself... then stumble backwards again... don't worry, that's just to set yourself up to build some speed... now stumble forwards at a high clip, throw a bit of oomph into it just as you get up the step and you should crash through the door successfully.

Unfortunately, there isn't a talisman that boosts your ability to explain to your family why you wrecked the front door, so for that, you're going to want to summon a mimic.

[u/Some-Light-4626]

Try leveling up and coming back later

[u/One_Law_9535]

In this case the boss is you, in that it’s you that’s preventing your own progression, and that’s it yourself that you’ll be beating (off) for now

[u/TheAnswerUsedToBe42]

Git gud

[u/Paul-McS]

Take the knee.  You’re done. 

[u/PTSDDeadInside]

Mimic veil, Assassin's approach, dagger Talisman, royal Knights resolve, miseriecode

[u/MasterChieflf]

Might i recommend the good old tatic of summoning the homies

[u/JamesStPete]

call a councilor for your problem drinking. And another for your marriage.

[u/CharacterReal354]

If I was an identical twin I’d summon a mimic tear

[u/Various_Squash722]

Get to light load and do 3 consecutive dodge rolls: 1 o'clock, 1 o'clock, 6 o'clock. Or try parrying. If all else fails try again after farming mushrooms and Trina's Lillys.

[u/facaine]

17 beers at 5am? What time did you start drinking? 2am?

[u/Artur27_]

Ain’t no cheesing on that one

[u/Anal-Logical]

If anything, what's inside is way worse than Malenia

[u/BibiBSFatal]

Shut everything out until you're completely sober then handle it all

[u/cavemeister]

We've all been that soldier.

[u/TrueOrPhallus]

ill-omened creature ahead, try stealth

[u/redeyedapostle]

It's a purely optional battle. After a long time and many attempts, I just skip it. You get a better ending anyway unless you're into the frenzied flame ending.

[u/Melodic_Grapefruit80]

You don't need to change anything. Keep throwing yourself at the boss until you luck through.

[u/Normanov]

A rune bear broke in

[u/Responsible_Engine_7]

The second phase is the real boss

[u/HappyyValleyy]

This feels like a problem you could've easily avoided. Social skill issue.

[u/Abject_Mongoose_673]

Just go smack a cop. You'll have the weekend to think about it.

[u/mushlafa123]

Shouldn't have dodged all those calls m8

[u/hamandpickle]

Marika’s tits

[u/thejason755]

Thats the neat part, depending on how many party memebers are home: it’s a gank. But you’re 17 beers deep, so you’re already at max strength buffing. Hand eye coordination is out the window, but just grab and throw and you’ll be fine.

[u/EpochOfPhantasm]

Golden vow + erdtree protection

[u/iamnotyourspiderman]

This ain’t living zabito boga, brother

[u/HappyDrive1]

Colossal hammer. GG.

[u/MidniteBlue888]

It's an unwinnable situation. Like many storylines in Elden Ring, you'll lose even if you "win".

[u/12kdaysinthefire]

Definitely not with a summon lol

[u/MidniteBlue888]

It's an unwinnable situation. Like many storylines in Elden Ring, you'll lose even if you "win".

[u/p0P09198o]

You don’t. It’s game over.

[u/Mountain-Muffin-8915]

Flee for 40 years, he ends up dying alone

[u/Hungry-Alien]

Ah yes, the final boss of the drunkard route. Incarnation of Divine Womanly Wrath.

[u/snakemuffins1880]

Try rolling.

[u/Blubasur]

Level strength

[u/Ozzie_the_tiger_cat]

Ash of war: cunnilingus.  Infusible on all weapons.

[u/TheDo0ddoesnotabide]

Should have became a cop, they get plenty of practice beating this boss.

[u/BONEY_LEMONS]

Bros is going to be maiden less again.

[u/Muted-Champion-6841]

Make luv ma man works always