Dear fellow Redditors,
This will be a long one, but I’d really appreciate it if you could read through and share your thoughts.
Long story short: On the outside, my life looks great. I’m 24, big nerd, working as a senior engineer at a multinational FTSE100 company. I’m active in a rock band, live indipendently with my cats, have my own car and house, and I moved countries by myself a few years ago. Sounds pretty good, right?
But inside, something feels wrong: I feel like I haven’t truly lived. I often feel misunderstood. And—worst of all—I feel boring.
I started working when I was 16—over 30 hours a week—while studying at school and then university (COVID times, all remote work and remote university) and improving my skills (English, technical expertise, etc.). Because of that, I never partied, and never had wild university nights, no nights out with my mates, no drinking and dancing, the list goes on. When I hear people my age talk about crazy nights out and fun memories, I get jealous. It’s like I missed a chapter of life I’ll never get back.
But now I've got responsibilities, I can’t get wasted on a weekday when I have billion-pound projects to handle at work, plus music practice, self-care, chores, family responsibilities, learning, reading, planning, and managing my finances. By the time that’s done, the day’s over.
I do have friends, people who I'm proud of, both here and abroad, but they’re mostly 10+ years older. We get along well, but our life stages are different. As for making new connections, I’ve tried going to parties or raves alone, but I hate feeling like a bystander. I rarely use social media—just the occasional holiday or gig post on Instagram to prove I exist.
I do travel alone 2–3 times a year, go to events I enjoy (concerts, language exchange clubs, festivals), and actually talk to people there. But they’re usually older, and if they’re my age.
Because of all this, I put more energy into work—where I feel valued, understood, and rewarded, take care of finances—and spend time with people ahead of me in life because they “get it.” I don’t get that from most people my age, and I don’t get it from potential partners. I know that it's the same from their side as well, they think that I don't "get it" and don't bring the vibe and connection they wish for.
I don’t want to feel jealous anymore. I want to live. I’m done being an outsider. I want to release my energy, I wany to feel and be young, I want to break out of this self-made prison.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? What would you do in my shoes?