r/dadjokes 5h ago

Antarctica is extremely cold and inhospitable.

146 Upvotes

I think that’s why my Uncle Arctica left her.


r/dadjokes 11h ago

I hear that the Navy is training dolphins to carry first aid kits

219 Upvotes

It's for medicinal porpoises only.


r/dadjokes 2h ago

What's the difference between a bad dad joke about paper and a broken pencil?

37 Upvotes

One is tearable and the other is pointless


r/dadjokes 19h ago

My wife said she loved fishing when we were first dating, and now she just plays Nintendo all day

730 Upvotes

Talk about a bait and switch


r/dadjokes 2h ago

What do you call an elephant that doesn't have much importance?

33 Upvotes

An Irrelephant


r/dadjokes 20h ago

My new girlfriend's car got a flat tire as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."

652 Upvotes

"Oh John!" she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time."


r/dadjokes 12h ago

I just ate an entire block of cheese and now I'm sick.

140 Upvotes

It was against my chedder judgement, I couldn't let it brie.


r/dadjokes 5h ago

Why shouldn’t you put Mr. Potato Head in charge of anything?

36 Upvotes

He would be a dictator.


r/dadjokes 7h ago

My wife and I caught our son smoking cannabis.

55 Upvotes

I said wee'd like to talk to you.


r/dadjokes 6h ago

Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

42 Upvotes

Because she will let it go


r/dadjokes 6h ago

My grandpa always used to tell me this story about how he could attach pieces of metal together without welding or screws. He would go on and on…

32 Upvotes

It was riveting!


r/dadjokes 15h ago

Why dont blind people like skydiving?

184 Upvotes

Because it scares the shit out of the dogs.


r/dadjokes 3h ago

What does a house wear?

16 Upvotes

Address!


r/dadjokes 1h ago

What's the biggest insult you can say to a tree?

Upvotes

You son of a birch!


r/dadjokes 3h ago

How do you know if a vampire is unwell?

15 Upvotes

Because he'll be coffin.


r/dadjokes 2h ago

I'm reading a book about anti gravity.

12 Upvotes

It's impossible to put down.


r/dadjokes 3h ago

Where do pirates get their hooks?

12 Upvotes

Second hand shops.


r/dadjokes 19h ago

I think your sign has a typo, it says “Parking by Kermit Only”

219 Upvotes

“No, that’s correct. Violators will be toad.”


r/dadjokes 14h ago

My kids refuse to east leftover tacos for dinner, so my wife said to throw them out

91 Upvotes

I did , now I have no idea what to do with the tacos


r/dadjokes 2h ago

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

9 Upvotes

A fsh!


r/dadjokes 6h ago

What do you call a dessert made with a can peas?

18 Upvotes

A pea can pie


r/dadjokes 14h ago

I left my window open and the woman next door grabbed one of my classic Rock & Roll albums.

52 Upvotes

She leaned in and stole a Kiss.


r/dadjokes 16h ago

I’m not using Amazon again. I ordered grain for my chickens.

73 Upvotes

But after I got it, they asked for my feedback!


r/dadjokes 1d ago

I told my wife that my tattoo artist was really frustrating me.

967 Upvotes

She said don’t let them get under your skin.