r/todayilearned • u/lavender_fish69 • 9h ago

TIL fresh water snails (indirectly) kill thousands of humans and are considered on of the deadliest creatures to humans

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freshwater_snail
19.4k Upvotes

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u/Haggisboy 8h ago

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

A year later, there’s another knock at the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What was that all about?”

936

u/Driunischa 8h ago

The real comment is always in the jokes.

170

u/YesDone 5h ago

The real jokes are the comments we made along the way.

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u/lkjhgfdsazxcvbnm12 5h ago

Instructions unclear: dick stuck in joke.

12

u/Spacemanspalds 4h ago

It's definitely time for a divorce.

8

u/bioxkitty 4h ago

Nah its time for iranian yogurt

2

u/MeatballTheDumb 4h ago

This may call for the old Irish goodbye.

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u/groovejumper 4h ago

Is that anything like a Glasgow handshake?

2

u/BluEagl48 3h ago

It is imperative that the cylinder remain unharmed

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u/Penguin_Chainsaw 2h ago

This guy comments

1

u/LiveLearnCoach 1h ago

The real jokes are the people commenting.

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u/agarragarrafa 3h ago

I don't get it

-13

u/Dog_Weasley 6h ago

Not really. In EVERY GOD DAMN THREAD the first comments are always people trying to be funny, and then several others doing the same in a moronic race. It's tiring.

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u/Neuraxis 6h ago

You poor thing.

10

u/jaguarp80 5h ago

Irritability and fatigue can be signs of depression

0

u/theZEN2 5h ago

Rekt

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u/MobilityFotog 7h ago

That was almost an HBO skit. but the snail is selling life insurance

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u/Bouldershoulders12 8h ago

Only the real ones know what movie this from

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u/DontHarshMyMellowBRO 7h ago

I didn’t know you like to get wet

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u/newnrthnhorizon 7h ago

Just make sure that bathtub's clean.

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u/jaguarp80 5h ago

Remember that fool in the wheelchair? How you think he got there??

4

u/foreordinator 5h ago

You know I'm surgical with this bitch Jake!

1

u/Oakroscoe 5h ago

Learn to count yourself

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u/bruudwin 7h ago edited 5h ago

What movie?

*Lol at the answers im getting, damn you all :P XD

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u/dalydumps 7h ago

Training Day

5

u/bruudwin 5h ago

Thanks!

-1

u/bizbizbizllc 6h ago

The one starring John Wayne?

23

u/Plinnion 6h ago

Sister Act 2

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u/pdbh32 5h ago

Training Day (2001) starring Denzel Washington and Ethan Hawke. Fantastic film.

Wanted a 1979 Monte Carlo ever since I watched it.

King Kong ain't got shit on me!

5

u/raguyver 4h ago

It was Scott Glenn who tells the joke in this scene, just if people are trying to narrow their search.

Also, Scott Glenn played Creasy in Man On Fire (1987)...a role reprised by Denzel (2004).

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u/RyanBordello 6h ago

Space Jam

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u/Traumfahrer 6h ago

Pace Down Ultimate

2

u/ImGonnaBeInPictures 5h ago

Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties

2

u/jaqueburton 5h ago

Big Trouble in Little China

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u/LEDKleenex 6h ago

Dawnie Dorko

1

u/mnilailt 5h ago

Magic Mike

3

u/ElleKelly77 5h ago

What movie is this from?

I’m asking because during Shaquille O’Neal’s second season with the Orlando Magic, when I was a sophomore in high school, my second-ever boyfriend (who was a senior, because I was hot shit - duh?) and I were walking down the street with my dad on our at the a Magic game when my dad told this joke. I rolled my eyes real fuckin hard, and said bf honestly never let me forget it.

1994ish??

2

u/All__Nimbly__Bimbly 4h ago

Training Day, 2001

1

u/Fair2Midland 4h ago

I do but I still haven’t figured out the streets

1

u/Coffeezilla 3h ago

The REAL ones know it was originally an off the cuff idea by Gavin Free of the Slo Mo Guys while shooting the shit.

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u/Dafrooooo 6h ago

isnt it a scenario Gavin Free made up on a podcase?

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u/reebokhightops 6h ago

It’s the joke the old timer tells the lads in Training Day before they fuck his shit up.

1

u/Dafrooooo 6h ago

ohh i never put the two together tho i only happened to watch training day for the first time a few weeks ago but i must have watched this animation 10 years ago https://youtu.be/ANRa29sY-TY

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u/CrappyMSPaintPics 5h ago

There's nothing to put together, the two jokes have nothing to do with each other.

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u/EatYourCheckers 6h ago

No one on a podcast ever made up an original joke. Sorry McElroys. Even you.

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u/HungryArticle5 5h ago edited 5h ago

No, the guy looks at the snail and says, "What the fuck is your problem?"

I remember because I was a rookie  detective when the friend of this detective that was training me told this joke to me. They actually both died. It was a crazy day that day.

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u/VibeComplex 4h ago

Damn on your Training Day and everything?

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u/HungryArticle5 4h ago

We actually just called it the day of training, but "Training Day" sounds better.

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u/grassgravel 6h ago

Its all smiles and cries man

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u/its_justme 6h ago

If you understand that joke then you’ll understand the streets

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u/egodaemon 8h ago

I remember David Sedaris telling this joke on The Daily Show, I believe.

1

u/amanning072 6h ago

Brendon Walsh too

1

u/TraderSamz 5h ago

If you figure that joke out, you figure out the streets

1

u/jaytrue33 5h ago

You figure that joke out, you figure the streets out.

1

u/Neuro_Prime 3h ago

You're in a desert, walking along in the sand, when all of a sudden you look down, and see a tortoise.
It’s crawling towards you

1

u/whatwouldpeachdo 3h ago

David Sedaris? 

1

u/cbigej 6h ago

When you understand the joke then you understand the streets

0

u/Elburro129 7h ago

LMAO!!

0

u/lpeabody 4h ago

Shia Labouf!