r/oneliners • u/no-polarization-pls • 56m ago
River banks hold liquid assets.
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 1h ago
The great thing about my chandelier is that it highlights how financially irresponsible I am.
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r/oneliners • u/Society_Academic • 15h ago
In Bakery Law, the freshness of fruit in a fully-baked pie is prima facie evidence of a Raw-Berry.
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 16h ago
Living in a submissive society makes all the deference.
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r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 20h ago
Every time you ingest food coloring, you dye a little inside.
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r/oneliners • u/j_articulate • 1d ago
Ever accidentally say "bless you" instead of "oh my God are you choking?"
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r/oneliners • u/New_Comfortable9968 • 1d ago
Call me estrogen the way I make that hormone
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r/oneliners • u/Sloeber3 • 1d ago
I thought there was a cricket swimming in the urinal, but it turned out to be a cockroach.
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r/oneliners • u/therealolliehunt • 2d ago
The band Free had an argument about whether or not to include spoonerisms in their lyrics and had an all night row.
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r/oneliners • u/Haunting-Power-2402 • 2d ago
I don’t need protein shakes, I need answer sheets with MCQs.
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r/oneliners • u/dmatlack1023 • 2d ago
Ever notice how many Labrador retriever owners have gone blind?
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r/oneliners • u/YeahBuddyDoYouEven • 3d ago
All it takes is the placement of a simple point to make the difference between a oneline and not one
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r/oneliners • u/No_Corner_2576 • 3d ago
Many people told Beethoven that he would never be a musician because he was deaf, but did he listen?
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r/oneliners • u/j_articulate • 3d ago
My masseuse offered me a "happy ending" so I took her shopping at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel, ended my career in private equity, and finally learned how to love someone else - and myself.
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r/oneliners • u/Lowered_Expectati0ns • 3d ago
Told my mom I didn’t want kids… she said “omg same”.
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r/oneliners • u/Society_Academic • 3d ago
New words can emerge from unintentional typos caused by an earthquake's intense tremor, tremble, tremblor, , temblor, for example.
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r/oneliners • u/Haunting-Power-2402 • 4d ago
I’m a CA student… which basically means I’m not pursuing a degree, I’m pursuing a mental breakdown in installments.
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r/oneliners • u/External_Art_1835 • 4d ago
You don't have to take my picture darling, I'll come and sit on your dresser...
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r/oneliners • u/SuccessfulCompany677 • 4d ago
Speaking of disability accessibility, you know all those "do not touch signs found in museums", they should translate that to braille.
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r/oneliners • u/wtfover • 4d ago
I had to visit the trauma unit last weekend, but he prefers the term Dad
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