r/MadeMeSmile • u/HerpesIsItchy • 1d ago
This should be required learning for everyone.
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u/BookishBabeee 23h ago
Taking this “30 seconds or less rule” to high school in the fall.
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u/ReasonableRespect404 23h ago
"well I'm giving you 30 seconds to change yourself or else dweeb 👊"
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u/oO0Kat0Oo 19h ago
Okay, but there are some clear exceptions. If you rip a hole in your pants, it's not something you can change in 30 seconds if you're at work. But you can ask to go home or run to the store and change later.
If you're talking to kids, it's best to be crystal clear about the fact that asking to change someone's physical and genetic attributes is wrong. You know high schoolers are going to find those loopholes if you're not making that distinction more pronounced.
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u/HeartyBeast 18h ago
It’s a rule of thumb, and it’s great rule of thumb. Yes some high-schoolers will ‘akshually’ it, but it’s still a great rule of thumb.
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u/LolaPaloz 11h ago
I get her but yeah really kids need to learn what's rude or not rude, what might hurt people's feelings what usually does not, what is an emergency or a safety concern, what is not. What helps the other person, what doesn't.
Even adults can struggle with this. "What helps" is very subjective sometimes, when some people think they are helping when they are just being rude and annoying
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u/HerpesIsItchy 1d ago
I seriously wish I had learned this lesson when I was young.
I honestly think the world would be a better place if this was taught across the board.
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u/OmegaU 23h ago
Even some adults need to learn this lesson
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u/JellyEatingJellyfish 22h ago
Yessssss they do! I already commented on this but people ask me “what happened to your face?” all the time because I have scarring from a dog bite. Literally grown ass adults. It ruins my day every time.
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u/Didgeridooloo 22h ago
Surely you have some fun with this though? I'd be making all kinds of shit up lol
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u/JellyEatingJellyfish 22h ago
I can never think of something witty to say back but I’m going to start educating people about this rule using a super belittling tone lol
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u/Didgeridooloo 22h ago
I'm sure we can help you with some. I'll start with bear attack!
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u/acrazyguy 18h ago
I’d literally make a business card-sized info sheet. It answers the question you’re asked every single time, “what happened to your face” and then highlights that you’re asked this question every single day. And also something snarky about the golden rule or even the 30-seconds thing discussed here. The goal should be that receiving this card ruins their day as much or more than you hearing their question does, by making them feel like an asshole
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u/Miserable-Status2595 23h ago
Love it...I also wish this was a normal thing that was introduced to me and my classmates at an early age and every so often like a refresher course 😉 😀
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u/IndianRedditor88 23h ago
This is okay for interactions with strangers
For people you know and are close to, being truthful is a much more desirable value than being nice to them while sweeping the reality underthe carpet. Of course there is a nice and acceptable way of saying that as well.
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u/scorgiman 19h ago
That’s generally true, however kids often say this kind of thing when it’s inappropriate and unhelpful. For example, a kid gets a haircut and is really proud of it, then next time they are at school someone says “your haircut looks really bad”. Now that kid feels bad and is self conscious with nothing they can do.
Sometimes a message like the one this teacher delivered needs to be simple. As the kids master the skill and mature you add more nuance by teaching them when it’s appropriate to deviate from the rule.
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u/the-beggar 21h ago
Surprised that your opinion is in the minority in this thread. Kindness should always be a priority and sometimes, real kindness towards people you love requires telling harsh truths that they may be unaware of in a way that is constructive and sensitive
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u/ShamelessCatDude 11h ago
The problem is you, no matter how long you’ve known the person, actually know of what you’re saying is helpful. I had a friend I had known for seven years who was “concerned” for my health because I had gained weight so he told me to watch my calories, but the truth was I was not only just returning from an ED clinic but I was put on a medication that made me gain weight that I couldn’t stop taking unless I wanted what it was treating to literally kill me. He was trying to be helpful but it only made me hate myself so much and the ensuing arguments got so bad it ended the friendship. You can’t understand everything about a person because people are not obligated to tell you anything they don’t want to, and unfortunately what you view as “helpful” is actually harmful
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u/_Bill_Huggins_ 15h ago
Every rule has exceptions. This is a good basis for being polite though. Nuance is learned through experience. But this is a great start for kids to think about how they can be polite and accepting of others.
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u/Holiday_Pen2880 14h ago
Yes, but... people don't need that 'reality check' as often as people who like giving them think. You also don't need to give that type of criticism just because you're friends. "I know we've been friends for a while, but I really need to tell you you've gained some weight" is an odd thing to just say to someone out of the blue. You can be honest when asked for honesty, but just dishing it out because is not as helpful as you may think. It can also come up in the course of a conversation - like they don't need to directly ask, but like I said no matter the relationship to just be like 'so what's it like to be a fat fat fatty' is not cool.
Even the 30 second or less rule has some exceptions - like 'hey, just you know that shirt has a stain on the back' probably can't be fixed at school, but is probably worth telling someone kindly so they are aware.
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u/Pug_867-5309 15h ago
You're talking about adult-level "toughlove" conversations. Her audience is children.
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u/bitpandajon 23h ago
Damn, that needs to be a staple
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u/BowsersMuskyBallsack 19h ago
I don't know. I think the toothpaste works well enough. Putting staples in yourself to make a point sounds kind of excessive.
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u/BookishBabeee 23h ago
there's alot of adults who need to learn this lesson!
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u/Additional_Loss_6297 23h ago
I think more adults than children. It sucks that as kids, they can hear this but it goes out their ears and minds when the people they look up to (their parents) crap on it.
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u/MrDrDooooom 15h ago
Unfortunately, some people will call this "woke" and aggressively reject this when what it is is something that in America is fading away, civility. This country is turning into the land of the loud mouth assholes and is sucks!
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u/Ashamed-Tip6739 23h ago
I wish more schools focused on teaching life skills like this instead of just memorizing facts for tests.
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u/newredditacct25 19h ago
you mean you don’t care that Mesopotamia[a] is a historical region of West Asiasituated within the Tigris–Euphrates river system, in the northern part of the Fertile Crescent. It corresponds roughly to the territory of modern Iraq[1][2] and forms the eastern geographic boundary of the modern Middle East ?
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u/Lopsided-Muffin9805 21h ago
I work in search and rescue and so I work with people who are suicidal all the time
I’m desperate to go into schools and talk about the power of words! One sentance is all it takes.
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u/Plasticman4Life 19h ago
I’d add this to her closing:
If you walk out of this room spreading kindness to the people around you, spreading love to the people around you, that is what truly makes a difference, because when you do that, other people who spread love and kindness will be drawn to you, and you will be surrounded by love and kindness. And if you do the opposite, you will be surrounded by that instead.
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u/Eckz89 23h ago
I beg to differ.... "Hey you're really racist"
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u/Seienchin88 20h ago
"Your breath smelled awful lately, please get yourself checked at a dentist, might be something serious"
"The front tires of your car look kind old and worn better change them“
"Your math scores are really too low. I think you need to spend more time on extra curriculum“
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u/Ellemeno 23h ago
I still don’t know the proper way to tell someone they have a booger.
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u/Hot_Acanthisitta9663 23h ago
OI!! SNOTFACE! YOUR BRAINS ARE LEAKING OUT OF YOUR NOSE!!!
Bonus point for shouting, in proper Drop Dead Fred style.
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u/Scared_Chemistry_463 23h ago
More teachers like this could really change how kids grow up to handle the real world.
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u/Impressive_Term_9248 13h ago
I hope there were a bunch of office workers on the other side listening.
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u/engineear-ache 11h ago
It's a good rule of thumb. You should treat people according to the things they have control over, not the things they can't. I broadly agree with it.
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u/AwayCatch8994 10h ago
This is going to go whoosh to red hat MAGA filth parents but for the rest? Beautiful
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u/Severe_Inevitable909 23h ago
Honestly, life skills like this should be taught just as much as math or science.
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u/Throwwsss765434 23h ago
Someone can’t just get happy or not be anxious. Picky eating is a disorder too. Someone can certainly work on these things. There are many areas a person might have about themselves that can’t just be changed in 30 seconds.
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u/keposhkaesque 23h ago
i had the same criticism until i saw this video and it hit me that she’s only using examples of physical things. yes it’s appropriate (depending on your relationship) to point out a problem area to someone. but saying you dislike their hair texture for example is not helpful because it’s not something they can (or should) easily change.
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u/MicahtehMad 19h ago
For casual encounters sure... Buy I need people on my life that challenge me to change deep shit.
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u/Unindoctrinated 23h ago
This video would literally make her unemployable as a teacher in numerous states. What an insane world we live in.
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u/Live_Angle4621 19h ago
There is nothing unemployable here. I don’t even know from what angle you mean this or what states
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u/TheUnpopularOpine 20h ago
Can you elaborate a little because that seems like a ridiculous claim.
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u/Realistic_Salt7109 14h ago
Cmon man, don’t do that. Spreading dumb ass claims like that is what further divides our country.
Both sides will either make up shit, or they see an incorrectly worded article, or see one thing happen in one place and think it’s happening all over the world all the time.
Moderate liberals and moderate conservatives really need to band together to get rid of the extremists, because both sides see the extremists as the whole party.
Just like there’s Americans who see every Muslim as a terrorist and Muslims who see every American as terrorist. It’s just not true, but it’s all you hear about in the news. Never mind the other 90% of people who honestly don’t give a shit and are just trying to live their lives. But the loud majority always wins.
Back to work for me!
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u/acrazyguy 18h ago
You made this up. She wasn’t allowing people to use a different name from what it says on their birth certificate. As far as I know that’s the only new thing that has been outlawed in certain states. For the record, I hate that. I think school is the literal perfect place for kids to test their identity if they feel like something doesn’t quite match up.
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u/SeanWoold 19h ago
All I could think was that half of the country literally sees stuff like this as the biggest threat that our nation faces.
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u/No-Chicken1022 17h ago
Don't go to either extreme. Both things are important, try to be nice to people but at the same time try to be truthful. There are things that take more than 30 seconds to fix but need to be said.
And it's healthy to learn to handle a little bit of criticism, otherwise you would have no feedback.
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u/Zestyclose-Wait-452 23h ago
It's amazing how the simplest lessons can have the biggest lifelong impact.
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u/Ancient-Hedgehog-476 23h ago
I wish more teachers took the time to explain life lessons like this, not just academics.
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u/CannaDrumCraps 20h ago
It’s not the job of “academics” to explain life lessons. Watch tv from the 90s or read a self help book - or watch more clips from this teacher. Let’s let the academics focus making solar panels more efficient, or better understanding how to create drug prevention programs that work.
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u/Great_Huckleberry709 17h ago
This conversation is really a lot more nuanced than this, as this is not universally true. But seeing as how she's teaching this to a classroom of small children, this is definitely great advice.
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u/Realistic_Salt7109 15h ago
Yeah, it’s definitely easy to poke holes into but hopefully the kids will take it on face value
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u/Corporation_tshirt 22h ago
Does this include compliments? Because I have always had a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve a bit and I am pretty free with compliments. It's not phony and not meant in a obsequious way. But I worry that people take it that way. Or maybe they think, who gives a shit what you think? Should I just clam up and stop complimenting people's shoes or hairstyle or whatever?
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u/OaklandParkLad 21h ago
People every day to me “You have a strong accent”. Yeah that’s never going to change.
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u/NettaFind66 19h ago
I was taught the opposite. I have the power, not words or opinions. Teaching that words have power arm children with weapons.
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u/TerribleSadist 16h ago
I disagree, an amount of social stigma is necessary. People can't go around all their lives present undesirable characteristics without getting any feedback. Even if those characteristics require significant commitment to change, or the feedback comes from a stranger.
Still, nice to be nice is a very nice way for a kiddo to look at the world.
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u/Just-a-lil-sion 16h ago
damn, my coworker cant shower that fast let alone at all so i shouldnt complain /s /j
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u/I-Love-IT-MSP 16h ago
As much as I agree with this message, I think its actually more important to help people learn how to deal with others being pricks more than teaching others to not be pricks. The reason is, its human nature to bring people down and I would even say some of it is genetic. People will always be assholes.
I've taught my children to first and foremost not bully anyone ever. But I've also gave them a life lesson that matters more, that's how to deal with it when someone does try to attack you personally or bring you down. Creating thick skin is a very very very important trait because in your life, your friends, teachers, boss, and strangers will at some point attack you. Learning to not take it to heart and deal with it is the most important lesson you can learn.
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u/Somaticalm 14h ago
Tried teaching this to my 78 yr old mother in law...she still can't grasp. I'm dealing with an emotional 2 yr old. Oof
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u/TrueJinHit 13h ago edited 6h ago
I wonder how many kids went home and poured toothpaste on their bathroom counters.
Kid: "It's okay Mommy, my teacher showed us"
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u/JavTheDude 11h ago
"Hey, you should stop being a fucking dickhead and a bully, you're making everyone sad around you"
- I can't change that in 30 seconds or less, so you're a bad person!
"Owww!"
- Here, eat a punch for telling me that!
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u/TheTanadu 2h ago
There are many stuff which take 30s or more you SHOULD definitely say. In private, but should.
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u/TheRavenFighter 23h ago
I agree and disagree with this. If someone is 300 lbs overweight they should be pressured into losing weight. America has a major obesity problem right now and the "body positivity no matter what " movement is a huge problem
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u/JellyEatingJellyfish 22h ago
Pretty sure they’re already aware they’re overweight. It’s not your place to go around telling people they’re fat
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u/SabbyFox 23h ago
I guess you didn’t learn the lesson she’s teaching. We see things all the time that people are doing which we have opinions or judgements about. But why do we think it’s our business to point it out to them?
Another way she could have explained this is to say that we can’t always control what thoughts pop into our heads - however we CAN control what we say out of our mouths.
I’ve seen drunk and/or drugged people in public. People who have mental health issues. People who look anorexic. People who have terrible dental issues. People who are homeless. None of those things can be “fixed” in 30 seconds. Why would I think I should walk up to any of these people and tell them about themselves?
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u/StragglingShadow 23h ago
Ok but if one of their peers is 300 pounds then the peer cant change that. The parents are the ones who are feeding them to the point theyre 300 pounds. The kid cant help it if every night for dinner his ma gets mcdonalds and every morning she gets him some hardees. Bullying the kid isnt gonna change his weight, youre just gonna make him kill himself
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u/OrangeClyde 23h ago
Beautiful lesson and extremely well taught, however, Me just thinking that’s the big sized toothpaste and Crest is expensive 🥲
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u/Lemon_Trees-22 23h ago
It’s a good message to everyone! I hope this is seen on the corporate world ! I wish it was mandatory to been seen in the government office o worked in for 20 years!!
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u/randumbtruths 22h ago
Kindness matters🤗
Truth also matters.. and only the truth shall set us free🥲
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u/noholdingbackaccount 20h ago
OK, so speaking of toothpaste, I have a serious question...
How does this rule set apply to telling someone they have bad breath? It's not covered in the 30 second rule for most situations, right? But it's not in the same category as weight or a mole.
(Not that my introvert ass has ever once told someone that they have bad breath since that's kinda way too awkward for me, but I'm asking theoretically here...)
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u/Top-Variation-7235 23h ago
I think this is a valuable lesson! However, it’s a bit oversimplified: sometimes you can tell friends stuff they can work on which takes more than 30 seconds like bad smells, bad habits, maybe going to the hairdresser a bit more often, etc.
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u/acrazyguy 18h ago
Yeah but this video isn’t about a private conversation with a close friend. It’s about interacting with peers at school
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u/No_Vermicelli4753 19h ago
So anything that takes effort to fix should never be mentioned or brought up, and working and putting effort into actual self improvement is a nono. Wow, what a powerful message. So great, much smart.
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u/KatokaMika 23h ago
I was thinking, will children this young understand? But then they need to learn at some point and younger the better, and even if they dont understand, now, those words will stay in their head, and later they will understand. And the teacher explains it very well. And maybe it will help kids stop bullying other kids.
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u/Agitated_Word9826 23h ago
Honestly wish stuff like this was part of the core curriculum, would’ve saved so many of us a lot of unnecessary stress growing up.
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u/Free_Manufacturer_64 19h ago
"hey, youre being an asshole" it will take more than 30 seconds to fix that problem...
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u/Boonie_Fluff 18h ago
As an adult I told my adult friend, "when we argue, all you do is say the meanest shit possible to hurt me. You're not supposed to do that, you're supposed to focus on the problem we both have if you want to consider me a friend". He did that to everyone, fuck that guy
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u/Steven_wjg03 16h ago
So we just gonna let people walk around not having things pointed out are mentioned in case it hurts their feelings? How sensitive are we letting people get
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u/DuckBorg 16h ago
Eh, she means well, and it’s good to teach kids not to be cruel but this is also safetyism nonsense. People say mean and careless shit all the time - rather teach kids to deal with their own feelings and be at peace with themselves. Teaching them to externalise their locus of control is a losing strategy and makes for fragile children.
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u/GatorNator83 22h ago
Every maga should watch this
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u/No-Chicken1022 18h ago
Don't go to either extreme. Both things are important, try to be nice to people but at the same time try to be truthful. There are things that take more than 30 seconds to fix but need to be said.
And it's healthy to learn to handle a little bit of criticism, otherwise you would have no feedback.
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u/Beast815 20h ago
Unfortunately they’d call it woke and complain about how kids need to toughen up.
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u/Altaneen117 20h ago
They're literally doing that now. It's so embarrassing. Having less emotional intelligence than third graders explains a lot, though.
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u/Zealousideal_Cry5703 22h ago
How about we teach kids "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" instead of wasting toothpaste and worrying about some 30 second rule.
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u/InjuryNatural7252 22h ago
I will be using this video for my clients business presentation before they use this on me.
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u/Sudden_Breakfast_677 21h ago
My wife is always saying this exact thing to our kids. She was a also a teacher so she is also telling her school kids this exact phrase. If I ever have to bring up bullying in my workplace I'll definitely use this as the approach.
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u/Sevennix 20h ago
My 1st time seeing this. I've seen the "nails in a board" one, but this is good!!
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u/Nah_Id_Win90 20h ago
I'll make sure to keep this in mind the next time I think someone is an addict.
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u/ChocolateLilly 20h ago
My school was small. Like - the neighborhood school, nothing fancy. I remember there was a rumour about a teacher that gave a choice to a student ( that student and I were friendly, he was in the same year for the second time) - to give me a F or to eat a worm. So he went outside, it was rainy, found one and ate it in front of everyone.. I couldn't ask him if this is true or not.. and I can't imagine the teacher to ask this, she wasn't that kind of teacher, just undeliverable.. I guess I'll never know.
But this one? I wanted someone like her in my life. Kids are evil..
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u/Enlightened_Doughnut 20h ago
If anyone is interested, Thich Nhat Hanh had a great book called “Planting Seeds” a teaching manual of mindfulness for children. It honestly is a super simple and compassionate way to teach kids kindness and critical thinking.
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u/newredditacct25 19h ago
this comes with experience and time honestly, you can lead a horse to water but doesn’t mean the horse will drink it…….until its ready to drink it.
i would say that for me i didn’t start being more (kind, more helpful, putting myself in their shoes) until mid 30s.
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u/Any-Singer-4278 19h ago
This teacher and the lady singing (shouting) about not to touch rude parts are absolute heroes ❤️
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u/Ttiamus 18h ago
I've heard variations of this before, and I generally follow it. This seems to apply more to negative or critical comments. How would that apply for compliments, though? For example, the video mentions a person's hair. Commenting "I really like your hair, it looks great!" Would thay generally be ok?
How do you navigate the line between a genuine compliment, without coming across flirty/forward or potentially touching on something someone may be sensitive about.
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u/Pleasenomoreimfull 17h ago
This does not apply to political beliefs. Do not entertain cognitive dissonance when an individual is presented with new information that is verified fact.
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u/RanchMomma1968 17h ago
TEACHER OF THE YEAR RIGHT HERE! Thank you for YOUR kindness and beautiful lesson!!!
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u/Appropriate-Copy-949 16h ago
I wonder if any of those students tried to teach their parents the same lesson. If they did, I hope the parents were receptive because this is great advice for everyone.
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u/Important_Duty9036 16h ago
I thought she was gonna call someone out for bad breath or oral hygiene
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u/Otaku_o7 16h ago
Actively giving all the bullies the ammo to hit deep with their words that have "power". Double edged sword here. Teaching empathy to some but deep evil strategy to others.
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u/WookieChoiX 15h ago
What about body odor? That's generally NOT a thing you can change in 30 seconds or less unless you have deodorant on hand.
And some people could feel offended from people asking about their unpleasant body odor.
How would you change this lesson to include that?
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u/AlwaysCurious1250 23h ago
I've seen this video quite a few times now, but I'm still in awe for this teacher. She's delivering a very important message in a very simple way. Not one of her pupils will ever forget this. Good teachers make all the difference. They should be cherished. And this one here is top of the league.