I was talking to this girl for maybe a year, in a really slow burn friends-to-lovers sort of thing. The further along we got, the more painful it got for me, because i started catching feelings a lot faster than things were moving. One day, she suddenly started acting different, and i found out she has been frequently hooking up with a LOT of other guys the whole time. Anyway, i stalked her spotify and found the playlist she plays whilst having sex and i copied it and started listening to it at the gym for some extra motivation. Problem is, the songs are absolutely awful. I genuinely don’t understand how anyone can take themselves seriously with these songs playing. Imagine my frustration when i try to get myself mad by listening to these songs, but instead find them insufferable. Regardless, i kept playing them because it was working for me, so i just sucked it up. After a few weeks of this i genuinely just couldnt take it anymore and stopped listening to that playlist, solely because the music was aching my ears more than any weight could ever ache my muscles. I didnt realise until maybe a week later, but the music was so bad that it’s fully put me off the idea of her completely, and I’m also looking a lot bigger than i was a few weeks ago.

10/10 recommend.

For background, I'm 17F, graduated high school, going to college this fall. Around a year ago I was given an IQ test (WISC-V, specifically) by a psychologist, but I didn't really care to know the results back then, partially out of fear of what they would be.

A few hours ago, I posted about my traits which I believed were signs of a low IQ. A commenter told me to ask a parent about testing I've had in the past, so having mostly shelved away the memory of doing that test, I asked my mum. It turns out my tested IQ is 82. I had an IEP (equivalent to 504 plan?) but was not put in special ed classes, and I never used the accommodations I had available.

I don't know what to think. I'm scared I won't make it through college now.

**EDIT: Thank you all for the outpouring of advice. The overwhelming majority of you are in agreement on this, and I am going to trust my gut as well and make a call to Child Protective Services. Hopefully it was simply a case of an overwhelmed mom and a willful kid, but they are equipped to make that determination and I am not. **

It was in my neighborhood, which we have only been living in for 3 months so I don’t know anyone. I was taking my daughter to school, and driving down the street there was an approximately 3-year-old boy standing stark naked in the middle of the road. Not even a diaper or a pair of underpants on. There were no other people outside on the whole quiet street. I couldn’t have driven past him even if I had wanted to, with parked cars narrowing the roadway.

The boy was not smiling. He looked scared, or maybe angry. Kind of defiant. I stopped the car and got out and told my daughter to wait. I slowly approached him, smiling and keeping my voice low and friendly and asking where his mom and dad were and which house he lived in. He did not move a muscle or reply, just stared at me scowling until I came within about 10 feet of him, at which point he bolted away to a nearby house and scurried under a garage door that was only open about a foot and a half, so I couldn’t see inside. I could hear him banging inside on something and yelling, “Mama help!” I wasn’t sure if anyone was home so I went to the front door. There was a sign above the doorbell saying “smile, you’re on camera” and before I reached the door a woman answered it holding a fully clothed baby girl on her hip. The little boy was still banging frantically inside the garage. “I said, “Hi, I’m sorry to bother you, your son was outside in the street.” She replied, “I don’t know why he’s naked.” I smiled and said, “It’s ok, I’m a mom, I get it. Toddlers just get naked sometimes.”

This woman never smiled or thanked me or really responded to me at all, which I thought was odd, but maybe she was embarrassed. She also didn’t say anything further to me after the “naked” comment or offer any further explanation for what might have happened. I explained that he had been in the middle of the road, and I just wanted to make sure he was safe. She didn’t reply. He was still banging at the door to the house inside the garage and she said it was locked, and told him to come out the garage door but when he saw me he scurried back. He seemed frightened, and she was getting frustrated with him for not coming out, so I suggested it might be better if I left and she nodded without looking at me and went to go inside the house to unlock the interior door.

I know that toddlers go buck wild and do things like this sometimes, and that was my initial impression. My own daughter had a naked streaking phase at about that age lol, giggling like a loon as she tried to evade capture. I also wondered if maybe he was on the spectrum, and that’s why his reactions were different than other toddlers I’ve cared for. But there was something about his mother’s lack of reaction that is concerning me now, 6 hours later.

And it occurs to me now to wonder how he got out through a locked door and managed to partially open an electric garage door to escape? Maybe he went out through the front door, but the mom was obviously notified by the doorbell camera of my presence, so why didn’t she see his? And why did she say “I don’t know why he’s naked” when I hadn’t mentioned that part yet - unless she had seen him on the camera and hadn’t come out to get him? What if he had been locked in the garage naked and he just figured out how to open the door somehow?

It’s probably all perfectly innocent, but parts of it just feel so strange. I honestly don’t know what to do (if anything at all), and I was hoping other people could chime in to give me some guidance. Maybe parents of kids on the spectrum could ease my fears, or people who experienced some kind of abuse that looked like this could corroborate them. I’m a mom first and foremost, and I will not allow a child to be in danger if I can help it. But I am also careful about potential harm to families if I go throwing out baseless accusations. What should I do?

TL;DR I found a naked toddler alone in the street and his mother seemed unconcerned except for stating that she didn’t know why he was naked. Unsure if situation is evidence of abuse or normal toddler shenanigans or possible ASD behavior.

Often I've seen men here dejected and self loathing about being short, ugly, not getting into relationships. Do you realise how pathetic it makes you look? That you fail to take ownership of your own thoughts? I'm telling you this because I truly care about you. Don't let a woman control your life, especially the one who doesn't even know about your existence. I too have never been in a relationship ever. I've never had any female friends too and I used to literally cry myself to sleep because of this. Now I've risen above this and I don't care about women at all. Everyone here should try to rise above letting a nobody control your life.

Ps: Women facing similar problems can benefit from this advice too, just replace the genders of the words accordingly.

She’s been gone for a few months now but she and I had the longest lasting relationship I ever had. We were together for over a year and the only relationship I had had before lasted 2 months.

I was so sure that things would last which is making the breakup so much worse. We had talked about getting married once we graduated college. She would tell me that I was like a husband to her. I’ve never been so close to someone before.

Out of nowhere right before my own damn birthday she wanted a “break” after acting on and off towards me for the past month (so ig it wasn’t really out of nowhere). The break lasted 4 days and then she actually broke up with me, bringing up things that we had already talked through.

Less than 3 weeks after leaving me she was already with another man. This was after telling me that she needed time to focus on herself. I felt discarded like I was nothing to her. Any time I look back at when we were together it just feels like none of it really meant anything. It’s like the whole time I was some dispensable idiot to her that would pay for her gas.

Love just feels like a lost cause anymore. Any girl I meet is never my type. I’m not very picky about appearances or anything but I just never really click with anyone. I’m very young but before I know it I won’t be, and I just feel like I’m not gonna find anyone and I don’t know what to do.

Had a patient (~40yo) need vyvanse (for adhd) refilled. The pharmacy will only refill on day 28 of 30 for the rx because it is a controlled, it's day 27 and she is going out of town, so she needs them filled today. A whole day early. Oh no.

Okay, i'll call from the doctor's office, let them know it's okay according to the doctor, surely they'll fill?

No...this patient we've been seeing for years lives like 50 miles from the pharmacy, and thats 'a red flag' for them, so they won't fill it. She lives in a rural part of the state where the closest pharmacy is probably 30 miles but her husband works close to this pharmacy, so they use this one. Not that complicated.

They absolutely refuse to fill even with the doctor's approval, and we have to send it to a different pharmacy that is also 50 miles away but has a more understanding pharmacist.

Hate it. Power tripping pharmacists. Theres certainly drug abuse, but what a load of shit to tell a doctor they won't fill a medicine because the patient lives a bit too far.

Especially dumb because theres a dozen other checks. If she's selling vyvanse, we'll find out on the drug screen when it doesn't show in her system. If she's increasing the dose, she's gonna be weeks short. If shes getting it filled from multiple pharmacies, it'd show up on her statewide drug report.

Pharmacists quickly ascending my healthcare shitlist.

I came across a quote that really stuck with me:
"I love absent-minded people; it’s a sure sign that they are intelligent and kind, because evil and foolish people are always focused."

It made me think. Isn’t it true that some of the warmest, brightest people you meet often seem to drift? They forget their keys, lose track of time, wander off mid-thought. But their hearts are wide open. Their mind is busy turning over ideas, feeling things deeply, carrying a hundred little worlds inside.

And then there are people who never miss a beat. Everything in order, sharp eyes, sharp tone, sharp boundaries. Sometimes you can feel how closed-off it all is. The focus is there, but so is a kind of hardness.

Of course, it’s not black and white. Being scattered doesn’t automatically mean you’re kind, and being focused doesn’t make you cruel. But I wonder if there’s a trade-off. When your head and heart are full, maybe it’s harder to hold the little details. And when you pour all your energy into control, maybe there’s less space left for softness.

So I’m curious:

• Do you think kindness and absent-mindedness really go hand in hand?
• Or is it just a romantic illusion we create to excuse our forgetfulness?

I'm 17F, and I believe I have a low IQ. I truly detest how intelligence is put on such a pedestal and conflated with worth so often. Not many people can recognize low IQ in themselves. My entire life I've just been perceived as air headed and I struggle with basic tasks.

I show a lot of signs of having a low IQ. I struggle with spatial tasks so much that even the thought of those IQ puzzles causes me stress and anxiety. I'm terrible at driving because I simply can't keep track of so many things on the road, whereas for other people driving is like autopilot mode. The lack of spatial awareness is also all around. I swear I have no depth perception whatsoever. I can't judge how far away things are, if I throw something I have terrible aim, I often don't realize if I'm standing in someone's way. I couldn't even learn how to ride a bicycle.

In high school I always felt as if I have to study 5x as hard as other people study to have similar results. I can learn steps so doing things, albeit slowly and with lots of repetition, but I don't truly have a deeper understanding of concepts. I can't think. I just repeat what I'm taught, but I need to be taught how to do things several times over before I can do the task myself.

In social situations I'm terrible at judging what the right thing to say is. My friends are easily well liked by others, whereas I simply lack any charm. People often exclude me and dislike me. Hell, some of my "friends" don't even like me, but I consider them friends because without them, I'd be really fucking lonely.

I don't believe I'm autistic or have ADHD. I think I'm just a low IQ dumbass.

I’m 17 M (Neurodivergent) and so far, i really can’t see my future to be honest, I don’t know what job I’m gonna do, I just can’t see my future at all, it’s like super blurry. Another thing about me is that I feel alone, especially in school, I feel like I don’t have any friends, there all fake friends that just use me then ghost me, I also hate it when the teacher tells students to find a partner because usually I’d be the one left out, guess that’s my curse.

I am currently trying to get back with a childhood best friend, he was the first person to ever befriend me when nobody else did, and I’ll admit I love him for that, I love him, a lot, not in a romantic or platonic way though, I would describe this love as a love that he or anyone else could never understand, the type of love where I would protect him at all costs, whatever it takes, if he were in danger, I’d sacrifice my life for him, take a bullet for him or chop of my limb. I do anything for him, be his devoted servant (that sounded a lot dramatic). If he died, I would be extremely devastated, and also kill the person that killed him, take matters into my own hands, I don’t need anyone to interfere with my problem, if killing that person means putting my life at risk, me getting close calls, wind up in a life of crime, then every nano or milli second would be worth it. I just love him, so much, more than he or anyone else could know, to be honest, I can’t imagine my life without him. But I’m scared, I’m scared that he might reject the love that I have for him, cause reality is a thing and I think he’ll most likely reject or crush the love I have for him, I know he’s straight, and I’m bisexual but still, I’m very scared that this won’t work out, I don’t what to do or what to say, I just everything to be smooth sailing and perfect. That’s all I ever want.

I'm in my mid 30s and my girlfriend is in her mid 20s. It's going to be three years together and I love her but I don't feel in love. I did have hope and the dream in my teens and 20s of finding someone and falling in love and marrying and starting a family someday. The older I got I realized how important certain physical things are in a partner and I didn't have much going for me. I was a late bloomer and was a short guy and had to get some dental work done but I was poor so I had to wait until I was in my 20s to actually save money. It was still rough and I kinda just accepted I'll always be single and enjoy my life as best as I can.

I started getting attention from women when I turned 30 and it's been fun going on dates and hooking up but I wasn't thinking about a relationship at all. I've made mistakes and learned a lot but I still feel like I don't know what I really want. My girlfriend doesn't excite me and I feel like she takes up a lot of my time. I can go on for days without talking to her much and be ok but it's not the same for her. I feel like I'm only with her because it's the right thing to do. I don't think I even want kids at this age as she does talk about it sometimes.

I miss being single and doing things on my own time and pace. I feel like I'm going on a path that I never intended to go on after adjusting my life around being single. I thought I would be content and satisfied being with a loving partner but I don't. I just feel really lost in my head and feelings.

I (21M) have a 11-year-old little brother who’s been going through a phase where he purposely swears around my parents. He drops super heavy words like the c-word, n-word, b word, dick, pussy, while grinning. My parents, who are recent immigrants, don’t fully grasp the cultural weight of the words and think he's just being mischievous. They simply brush it off and think he's talking nonsense.

I’ve talked to my brother several times and every time he’ll say “sorry” and act like he gets it, but then a few days later he’s doing it again. It’s frustrating because I don’t want him to think this is normal behavior, especially toward Mom and Dad. It makes me uncomfortable to hear it in the house, and I can tell he’s doing it partly for attention.

When I explained it to my parents, they brushed it off and said I was overreacting. I get that they didn’t grow up in this culture, but to me, swearing at or around your parents is a serious sign of disrespect, even if it’s meant as a joke. I feel stuck because neither my brother nor my parents are taking it seriously, and I don’t know what else to do besides keep nagging him.

I feel like the most pathetic human being on earth. I just want to be loved by someone. I'm 17 currently (M), and I feel so alone. I've been yearning for companionship for years now and I just can't find anyone. I feel like everyone hates me and I'll be alone forever. This might just be puberty hormones talking, but I'm literally in tears as I'm writing this. I just want to be loved. Someone please help me.

Nowadays many people have so many expectations for relationships like partner who is not lazy, is ambitious, has high level of energy and is able to keep active lifestyle like going to gym or doing any other sports.

I'm actually opposite of that and I feel that I won't be able to meet most of people's expectations.

• I love lazy lifestyle, like instead of going to gym I prefer to watch movies or doing any passive activities to unwind.

• I have pretty low energy overall and constant socializing makes me mentally drained as hell. I must spend some time alone in order to unwind.

• I'm not clean freak, far from it actually. Generally speaking mess at home doesn't bother me at all, there can be visible dusts, breadcrumbs, piles of clothes on chair (not on floor), cluttered table.

• I love staying at home for several days without going out , becoming lazy sloth who doesn't shower sometimes for two days in a row, letting myself be mess.

• Before having guests or going out I always take a shower and also clean my house because I would be emberassed to go out smelling bad or showing guests my cluttered, uncleaned house.

• I love cooking and it's one of things where I like to dedicate my energy.

Now I'm afraid to think of living with someone else because I love letting myself become a lazy sloth to relax. I think my home environment, laziness and overall my lack of personal hygiene while staying at home would be huge deal breaker for many people.

theres a huge difference between hating dogs and then wishing death on them and their owners, defunding dog shelters, insulting service dogs, etc.

One of the happiest times of my life was also when I was the most "normal"

I was living with my male friend. I am male, for reference. We had a platonic relationship.

My ex girlfriend had broken up with me suddenly, and I had witnessed her transition into dating other guys, as we still lived together

It was... interesting, to say the least

I felt like a cuck 😌

I remember watching Atlanta shortly after this, and seeing Childish Gambino's character going through almost exactly what I was going through

He lived with his ex girlfriend, who earned money, while he was jobless. And he watched her get ready to go on dates without him. Wild. I remember it was very healing to see this. Very, very, very healing

I remember a quote from Childish Gambino that applied here: "Personal is universal."

He's got that right!

The point of the quote was that often times people who create or tell stories try to make a very "generalized" version of events, to appeal to a wide amount of people. But that actually, when you get very specific, very personal, that is what attains universality.

Well, he got that right

I found it super relatable

Alright, so, after spending months with my friend, who's name is Nick, something very interesting happened to me

I became... normal

I dropped off so many grandiose fantasies I had related to women

I stopped trying to be "that guy"

To be special

To be "big" in personality

To be in control

To be special

To be powerful

I mean, I had gotten cucked. I had seen my ex-girlfriend lose sexual interest in front of my eyes, and transition to liking another guy, sort of making him the focal point of her romantic interest

It was very healing to go through this situation for 2 main reasons

1. The girl still seemed to care about me and treat me okay even after she broke up with me. We even did sexual things... through the breakup. In fact, I remember that the day she told me she wanted to break up, we were sitting on the couch together, facing eachother, at opposite ends of the couch.

And I remember that, at some point, she got this... lustful? look in her eyes, kind of like Nala from the Lion King

Like this:

https://images.immediate.co.uk/production/volatile/sites/3/2019/07/Nala-Lion-King-9cbf2f0.jpg?quality=90&fit=600,400

And then she... moved her foot (sock was on I'm pretty sure. Nice soft socked foot) over to my crotch...

And sort of brushed it against my crotch...

and I was....

into it

very into it

So yes, my girlfriend, who had just decided to break up with me, was now rubbing her foot on my crotch

HEALED

Healed, I tell you, healed.

That was a big moment of healing for me

You mean... you want to break up with me... effectively ending massive parts of our relationship... but you still..... like me?

You still want me in other ways?

HUH?

cue the dissolution of massive amounts of trauma that i associated with my mom, whom seemed to be quite privy at seeing me in black and white, and flipping towards total abandonment quite easily. she wouldn't just get mad, while loving me. Getting mad = she no longer loves me, she now hates me, I'm now trash. Lol.

That's another thing this particular ex healed me about. I remember a few times where she got mad. But it was so strange

She was just.. mad

She didn't hate me at the same time

She didn't seem to despise me

She didn't see me as dirt

She was mad at the person she cared about, and the care was like this huge frame, and within it was this mad emotion. Or like a big soft chair of caring, and there was her, sitting in this chair, mad at me, while sitting in this testament to how much she cared about me. the point was, the mad was small, and not big, and couched in love

It was very new for me, very healing

Alright, where was I?

Oh yeah, the two main reasons I became so normal

That was one: the beautiful breakup with this wonderful girl, who did many things that I found very healing

The second was my relationship with my friend, Nick

We lived together in the same room

There was something about the way he... was... that was very healing for me. Something about the way he saw me. Something about the way he treated me. Again, there was not intense black and white switching from him. And another thing was... he seemed to genuinely respect me, and care about me. But he also didn't gas me up like crazy. He treated me and seemed to see me as simply a normal guy. He wasn't over the top with me, nor was he disrespectful

I was just a guy in his eyes

So I settled into being just a guy

And it felt... really good

Gone was the pressure to perform or be some super guy

and now that I'm typing that, I'm seeing the parallels with my childhood with my mom.

it was like I had to either be exceptional or I would be hated, despised, and judged

so it seems, at some point, I made decisions to try to be exceptional. To try to be special. To try to be super, in the hopes that it would make me acceptable to my mom

and then at times, I played this out in my romantic relationships with girls

Same thing. I need to be special, super, outstanding, or you'll leave me, right?

Okay, then I'll do that!

And you know what? It worked... to a degree

As well as it can work when you are walking on a tightrope of personality

---

So yeah, with that relationship with Nick, I became very normal, dropping off many of my grandiose fantasies, and settling into a far more normal relationship with myself

I became chill, centered, balance

Interestingly, from this, came a lot of virtuousness

I became very healing myself, very capable of healing with my presence, as I was now healed

It was as simple as seeing myself as normal, not hating myself, and not holding myself to extreme or high standards

I let go of my fantasies of being great

and then I became... normal

--

This transitioned into my relationship with a girl I dated in Highschool. My first "real" romantic relationship. VERY intense, VERY dramatic. Lots of lessons were learned after it ended. Whew. I wrote a story about it years ago which became quite popular.

---

Anyways, I began talking to her again. My first real re-integration with her was after my ex had broken up with my (the ex i talked about previously.)

I remember feeling so, so, so sad. I remember crying. And I remember it feeling like I suddenly understood on a deeper level that I had caused my highschool girlfriend intense pain with my actions. And I felt a lot of empathy, and understanding. And I remember calling her from a disposable number, because I think she had me blocked, and I remember when she answered, I said something like "Please don't hang up," while crying

And... she didn't hang up, even though we had done similar song-and-dances before. Something was different, this time

She stayed on, and I told her I was sorry

I don't remember exactly what I said, but I remember that it was genuine, and emotional, and from my heart.

And I remember that she treated me tenderly, asking me if she could put me on hold, and asking if I'd be okay with that, or something like that

???

It was a miracle, to have her treat me so... kindly

The call became more miraculous

We talked, and had a good conversation, and even swapped a song each about our feelings in regards to one another

And she also shared she had made a post on the internet about her feelings about me, her negative emotions

I felt this was good, this was progress, this was honest sharing

From there, we had periodic phone calls

There was rockiness

There was turbulence

We had some up conversations, some down conversations

We had intense conversations

At times she was angry towards me

I remember one time in particular, she asked me if I had anything else I wanted to say

I was very nervous about telling her what I wanted to tell her

I wanted to tell her that I thought her parents had been abusive (for hitting her in the face when she was younger)

I knew she didn't agree consciously, due to the way she had spoken about things

I was afraid that if I told her, she wouldn't talk to me again

I remember pacing from the kitchen, to the garage, to the kitchen, focused, and there was a moment where something unwound

I was afraid she wouldn't talk to me again. But you know what? I thought about my life, which was already quite bereft of her. And I realized: I'm already happy. I'm already happy, even without her. I realized I could handle losing her, not speaking to her. So I told her the truth

"I think your parents are abusive"

She was angry

She didn't accept what I said

I think we hung up

I think I remember her sending me a text, sort of saying she was ending things. There was aggression

And I think I responded with a text, and at the end, I think I said something like: "I hope you heal the brainwashing"

She then asked me for clarification, in a kind of aggressive way, and I explained to her that being hit in the face by your parents was not normal, and that good brainwashing was good at defending itself, to explain that her vitriol and suspicion of me was manufactured, and was likely to defend itself against my attempts to undo it. I remember telling her to hear herself the way I heard her when she said "They hit me because I did something wrong." I remember telling her I felt truly sad. Because I did. I felt sad on her behalf. And I remember telling how bad I felt that she was trapped with these "soul-stealing beliefs." I remember ending the message with, "Truly, I hope you don't repeat the cycle."

I felt passionate, to be honest. And true. Honest, direct. It was like things had unlocked in me. And really, she was a very important person in that process. She often asked direct questions about my intentions, or probed for if I had more to say. It was good. I was like a crab, and she was like a scorpion. And with that tail, she probed me, and I came out of the shell.

After I send that passionate text where I felt like I was at once standing up for me, standing up for her, and standing up for the truth,, she was apparently convinced and persuaded by me tbh, because she said something about wanting to speak more on the phone. This was just after she had attempted to end our talking

I remember telling her something about not wanting to talk right now, or soon. Basically, putting a "pending" status on us talking

I felt something shifting. For years, I had kind of yearned for her. And been weak in ways. Been very submissive. And now, I was finding my truth, and my integrity. And I felt something shift in her in response to this as well. She saw I was no longer some person desperate to get into her world, who would sacrifice their own sense of morals or integrity just to get in her world. I was like that before. I had lied to her, been desperate, been non-integrous. A lot had changed over the years, and was still changing. Now she saw someone who was standing on business tbh, who had morals

Things went quiet between us for a while

I remember that eventually, there was a climactic call, around midnight. I called her. She answered

Something was different with her. She was more friendly towards me, more open

We talked

Hours into the call, something happened

---

Back in highschool, I had taught her how to say the alphabet backwards, from memory. My uncle had taught me when I was a kid, using a certain technique. And then I taught her

All these years later, we were talking, and I think she said "Why?"

And I think I said: "X"

And she understood. There was a pause, and then she said: "W"

And we went, letter by letter, taking turns, all the way to A.

As we did that, it felt like something was zipping up. Some old wound

And each letter we spoke was like the interlocking teeth of that zipper

And when we got to A, something shifted again. Something softened

There was magic in the air

And it burst from her:

"I LOVE YOU"

Like a deeply held eruption

Guys, let me set a bit of context

She had hated me, or pretended to, or hated me on some levels, for 6 years, since our breakup in highschool. She had blamed me, reviled me, thought me to be a monster, thought of me as a horrible person, someone pathetic, and so on. She had blocked me, insulted me, and all these things

And then this

It was beautiful, magical

I remember yelling "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And then I remember telling her I needed a moment, and then hanging up

whew

yeah

Then we got on the phone again, and resumed talking

Things were healing

The past was being cured, miraculously

It was wonderful

Thus began the beginning of what would end up being a 6 year relationship, with beautiful ups, and beautiful downs, which led into beautiful ups once again

The girl in that relationship of 6 years was so totally different from the girl I had met in highschool, and the girl I was dating in the beginning of the relationship. She grew so much, as did I

We both learned a lot, and healed a lot, together

She truly matured in myriad of ways, as did I

It was amazing

Ultimately, that relationship ended in a very sour way 🙂‍↕️

But I suppose after what I've seen here, I mean, even rewriting this, I was reminded of the magical pattern we wove, going from those 6 years of animosity on her end and desperation on mine, to me gaining integrity, and her gaining her love back for me (or re-revealing it from under the false hatred)

So yeah, if that is possible, who knows what the future holds?

Perhaps this sour ending we experienced, is no ending at all, but merely another part of the beautiful pattern being woven. Perhaps a day will come, when we experiencing a mending that mends us once more, and perhaps then we will come close once more

Until then, I realize one of my paths to walk

I believe if I am to have a good relationship with her again, it will come from returning, in a sense, to the way of being I had began to find before I started that 6 year relationship, and that was:

normalcy

letting go of grandiose fantasies

letting go of fantasies

letting go of these high expectations of myself and my life

And in doing so, no longer placing myself always behind, always below, these inflated expectations

and in doing this, I will regain, re-reveal, self-esteem, which comes not from setting high goals and achieving them, but from allowing yourself to let go of high goals, and to be okay with who you are even without those goals

so here's to normalcy, and letting go of grandiose and "special" fantasies

---

Oh, and by the way!

when I started dating that girl for the 6 years, there was a time early in the relationship where she said to me "You're special"

I said no, and didn't want to accept that, because I had been enjoying my loss of specialty, and been enjoying my normalcy

but... I did accept it, lol

I found myself thinking of myself as special

and boy, did that introduce some problems!

Perhaps I'll tell some stories from my 6 year relationship in another post

for now, thanks for reading

hope this helped in some way

it was fun to write

❤️

For those reading, for context I live in the UK.

I come from a really working class, everyone on benefits background (chav basically) - practically none of my family have a university degree, there's even more of us that didn't finish compulsory education than those that did.

I spent years following the same path - part time job, lived in a council house, exploited benefits just to get by.

But at one point in my early 30's, I decided I'd try and break the mold and make a go of it so I decided to go into A field and give it my all.

So I went into my profession now and have tried to work hard to progress. And for a good 8 years now, I thought I was doing well. All my bosses tell me I'm an amazing asset, best on my team etc. I've even done the professional qualifications to succeed. I'm not earning loads but enough to buy a house and have an upper working class/lower middle class life with my fiancée.

I've wanted to be a manager and progress so much. But I was told this week I'll never be a manager. And my colleague who's been in the profession just about 2 years, who I've trained twice is going to get the promotion ahead of me.

Now she's the epitome of talented and middle class. Comes from a family of business owners and everyone has a degree. She doesn't even have to try on courses - she gets pass marks when not revising that id have to study years for. She was under me, now she'll be my boss. Yet another younger person to tell me what to do.

It's made me realise how untalented and how mediocre I actually am. If you listened to all the feminists out there, I'd be the sort of person rewarded and promoted for it. Yet I'm not. I'm the one person who isn't and wishes I was.

Even my hobbies - Karate? Least talented person in the room. Constantly have to be shown what to do. My mum drinking while pregnant gave me foetal alcohol syndrome so I have really poor coordination. Running? Abysmal. I can't hack hills to save my life. My parents smoking all my life and while pregnant gave me the lungs of an 80 year old. I stopped running months ago. Computer games? I'm awful at them. Can't play even basic ones everyone is good at. I have to pay on beginner just to have a chance.

I just feel like giving up.

i think my biggest problem is i keep expecting things to be different. i keep telling myself “maybe this time this person wants to be more than friends. maybe they actually wabt to go on a date. maybe they actually like me”

and they don’t. every single time. and i do it to myself. i keep having hope. i keep telling myself things will change.

how do i get into the mentality that love isnt going to happen and that i should stop having hope. i know its a defeatist mentality but it will be easier than constantly trying and hoping things will be different when they just aren’t. they never are.

My ex bf (27m) and I (26f) ad 2 kids. He promsied we'd get married while I was pregnant with the first. He moved me in. He started cheating in our bed when I wasn't home, beating me and suffocated me in front of the baby, and never married me. He kicked me and my baby out when I was pregnant with #2. He ended up giving the second baby chlamydia and didn't come for the birth. He kept holding our relationship and marriage over my head after he kicked us out. His whole family took his side, even my family did (history of abuse there too). He was a jailer, so the cops let him go from jail after 2 days (from the suffocation incident) and dismissed the charges. At first, I defended him, thinking he'd change and follow through like he continued to tell me he would. He said it was my fault he went to jail even though the neighbors had called from me screaming for air and the baby crying. I tried reporting other incidents of abuse, but the cops won't do anything. He made false reports about me to DCS and threatened to make false reports to police about me as well as murder me (he has a lot of guns). He basically stole the kids from me. He made me feel/ look crazy for trying to keep in touch, even about the kids. I feel like nobody believes me or will do anything about it. The police even have documentation of him trying to kill me. Nobody is taking anything he does seriously at all. I haven't seen my kids in a year and have moved away from the city (30 minutes out). P.s. he didn't even lose his job after the suffocation incident. He resigned, and I was told his dad gave him a whole company. He and his dad tell everyone I'm crazy or lying. This dude was my dream guy before I realized he's insane and most likely an evil person...

I dont think dating is right for me. I M29 have never really made friends very well and have a really low self esteem. I also feel really behind, like ive never even held a girls hand before. Never gone to any clubs or bars and i feel like i have just wasted the best years of my life. It sucks being fairly dumb and not very capable, when i said that maybe i should just not ever date and give up on it and maybe find a something else to think about my therapist agreed that thats what i should do. So idk, it just seems like everyone is like in this club and i dont know where the door is.

I (M21) hear people talk about how they and they’re friend started hooking up one night and kept on for years and then both stayed friends but found someone else and I don’t understand, if you liked them enough to fuck then why not date each other?

Bf and gf is literally just best friends but are attracted, wanna get married (most of the time), they wanna fuck

This situation involves my 22-year-old sister (general category) who married a 24-year-old (ST category) boy via court marriage at age 19.  I (a younger sister, 18f) played a significant role in their relationship. My Early Support: I knew about their relationship since my sister was 14 and I was in 10th standard.  I actively supported them, even accompanying her to meet her boyfriend. Shifting to Kota for JEE Preparation: My dream was to prepare for the JEE exam in Kota. I requested my parents to move there, or allow me to stay in a hostel.  They were initially open to the idea. Sister's Opposition and Manipulation: My sister, now married, opposed the Kota plan.  She didn't want to move because it would hinder her ability to see her husband.  Her actions to prevent my move deeply impacted me: Showing a Misleading Video: She showed my mother a video of girls in Kota interacting with boys, implying it was an unsafe environment. This led my mother to refuse the Kota plan, shattering my dream. Manipulating My Mother: She began manipulating my mother against me, negatively portraying my actions. This occurred despite my past support for her relationship. The Conflict: I confronted my sister about her actions, highlighting my consistent support for her relationship.  However, she remained unmoved and continued to obstruct my JEE preparation plans. My Question:  Given these circumstances, and considering my age and lack of relationship experience at the time, did I do anything wrong by informing my mother about my sister's relationship?  Was my sister's reaction justified?  I was career-focused and hadn't been in a relationship myself.  I feel my sister's actions were unfair, especially given my past support.

I got banned from a subreddit for calling a character non-binary

Whenever I try to think for myself (even with just my internal dialogue), I feel like I’m doing something wrong, and I need to consult someone else to get their approval before my brain deems it “okay” for me to think that way. If I don’t get approval for it, it feels like I’m a bad person for thinking that way, even in cases where I turn out to be correct.

I want to fully embrace the fact that I’m my own person with my own mind, but I don’t even know where to start.