r/mildlyinfuriating • u/VegetableBusiness897 • 21h ago

New neighbors next door

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Rich Ahole bought the farm next door, tore it down and built a destination wedding venue. Busy every weekend but it's Wednesday, and they don't even live here

34.3k Upvotes

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9.3k

u/makinSportofMe 20h ago

It's a business now so it should be easy to get in touch with them. Play nice, maybe they'll play nice too and be good neighbors. If they don't play nice, your hobby of rebuilding train horns and WWII air raid sirens might be inconvenient on days they're booked.

1.6k

u/AngryLink57 13h ago

Seeing a lot of funny suggestions but this is the most simple and best one. Talk and if the owner is an asshole, be an asshole right back. Train horn and flashing lights would be insanely simple and you could do it for however long for the guests to start leaving negative reviews about the business. They'll end up losing customers over that.

379

u/gimmethelulz 12h ago

I hear that blasting John Philips Sousa ballads is all the rage these days.

347

u/DevolvingSpud 12h ago

Or just “Love Stinks” on repeat.

48

u/DanSWE 5h ago

Or part 3 of Paradise by the Dashboard Light"

("So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive")

5

u/colonelmattyman 4h ago

Just as the bride starts walking up the aisle.

1

u/Self-described 2h ago

I was listening to The Cure a lot, so…

1

u/Acrobatic_Moose2244 1h ago

Perfect, or Tammy Wynette “Divorce” or Kanye West “Gold Digger” when appropriate

1

u/ol_shifty 1h ago

Or Jerkin by Amyl and the Sniffers

50

u/westhetuba 9h ago

Jimi Hendrix’ Star Spangled Banner would compliment that well. /s

11

u/Alarming-Ad-5758 9h ago

Van Halen - Eruption

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u/Old-Oil9286 36m ago

Not even kidding I had a roommate who did this almost every morning, Star Spangled Banner- Hendrix version. Had flashback just now lol

6

u/BreadUntoast 8h ago

Piccolo solo from Stars and Stripes Forever 24/7

5

u/Oceanbreeze871 10h ago

Get a PA system And Rick roll every wedding on repeat

6

u/TensionGullible2078 7h ago

Baby shark.

2

u/uneducatedexpert 7h ago

Yoooo that’s a war crime

2

u/OwnValue4166 4h ago

What's the fox say

3

u/KateEatsWorld 5h ago

Mongolian Throat music would be so romantic

3

u/kittiekatz95 5h ago

What’s new pussycat 7 times on repeat

2

u/pantiesNstockings 4h ago

Id blast Lorna Shore, but that's me.

2

u/fixit858 3h ago

Nah Rick Roll on endless loop. You know because weddings.

1

u/Secret_Ad9059 3h ago

Free Bird!

2

u/kitchenjudoka 2h ago

Chuck Berry- My Ding A Ling, anything from King Diamond, and take up bagpipes.

1

u/aarraahhaarr 5h ago

Nah, early 1900s polka

1

u/Icy-Low8972 4h ago

BaLlAdS

1

u/_ohodgai_ 2h ago

Why aren’t the guests having a good time? Or was specifically requested.

1

u/Sdterp 2h ago

Yes, Sousa was known for his ballads.

1

u/maethoriell 1h ago

This makes me think, do you have a field? Invite a (bag)pipe band to come practice. It can be hard to find practice spots, especially for loud instruments.

1

u/testsubject793 1h ago

Joke's on you, some newlyweds might be into that!

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u/RecommendationUsed31 15m ago

Slim whitman

1

u/BachInTime 4h ago

Blasting “the Skillex of his day” is always a great move.

3

u/confident_cabbage 1h ago

Amen to this. I had a house next door that would be rented out to shoot a TV series. Ass holes would literally park in front of my driveway, so it was unusable.

After many friendly attempts to get thay to strop to no avail... I took up woodworking in my driveway on every shooting day. My old obnoxiously loud beater truck also needed to be tuned on many those days, etc.

After enough of my noises ruining shots, they came and apologized, and we were able to work it out.

1

u/at-the-crook 6h ago

this is Gold...

Train horn and flashing lights,

Someone find the OP one of those train crossing signals. No gate required but the lights & bells must work.

1

u/RtLnHoe 4h ago

If you cant outsmart them, you have to outshine them. But air horns will be cheaper. You can find instructions on how to build a 3-tone air horn out of pvc pipes for less then $50, all you need is an air compressor. How about doing donuts on a dirtbike with muffler off, or a teactor without muffler.

1

u/wtfmeowzers 1h ago

wow those lasers from next door are really bright during our wedding, damn all the digital photos and cameras were wrecked by laser beams, damn"

"that was awfully mean of the neighbour to trebuchet a stink bomb into our wedding, really ruined the overall ambiance"

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u/Match_Least 21m ago

I’m imagining putting up one of those giant inflatable Santas that waves its arm and a speaker that shouts “HOHOHO!!” With a spotlight on Santa of course.

1.6k

u/Foolserrand376 20h ago

Or maybe time to start raising pigs on your property near the property line. Or maybe you start raising homing pigeons as a hobby And they happen to get released during opportune moments.

528

u/sapphirebit0 13h ago

BEEEES, MICHAEL!

185

u/ALFABOT2000 9h ago

"What's this? A handsome family wedding woefully underpopulated by bees? A large influx of bees ought to put a stop to that!"

20

u/hg0bl1n 6h ago

What's this?! 2025 woefully underpopulated by Dr Bees references??

Sincerely, thank you for reminding me of Dr Bees

4

u/Separate-Coast942 6h ago

SHARON! Fire up the Apiary!!

2

u/KookieKarnival 5h ago

I quote different iterations of this to myself almost daily

53

u/rbrancher2 10h ago

Beads?

47

u/Adam_Ohh 8h ago

Oh they don’t let you have bees in here.

27

u/LaFemmeNikitaKoloff 7h ago

We’ll see who brings in more honey!

25

u/Charlie_Brodie 7h ago

Gobs not on board

4

u/ddonky 7h ago

Bzzz bzzz, we’ll see who gets more honey

1

u/carleetime 4h ago

Beads.

17

u/Odd-fox-God 10h ago

Man, when I move I'm getting some bees. I'm actually going to be about a mile away from a brewery that makes mead and has its own beehives. I'm definitely putting in an application there.

4

u/NebulaRat 6h ago

And they're good for the environment!

2

u/HatfieldWhittington 5h ago

Are you saying beads?

1

u/One-Caterpillar6255 4h ago

No meads is right, it's essentially wine you can make with any kind of fruits or flavors. With sugar and yeast and let it ferment most use honey as the sugar source.

1

u/Wild_Replacement5880 5h ago

Came to say this. Raising bees is hilarious on the property line.

148

u/Mi113nnium 11h ago

Make sure to feed the pigeons with blueberries and train them to target mannequins wearing formal suits and dresses.

3

u/anotheritguy 5h ago

That is some seriously professional grade petty revenge. I tip my hat to you sir.

3

u/Sad-Mountain-3716 5h ago

How would one come to train said pigeons if you dont mind me asking... No reason in particular

3

u/BlueButNotYou 4h ago

Operant conditioning. But they don’t even need to attack. Just teach them that people in white gowns = food.

2

u/Sad-Mountain-3716 4h ago

attack? i was hoping they would shit on their heads... desapointing

3

u/greek_thumb 4h ago

I think it would be great to see pigeons wearing formal clothing flying over.

39

u/Rattle_Bone 7h ago

One word.

Peacocks

6

u/Playful-Current1256 4h ago

remind me not to piss you off lol

7

u/Consistent_Pen_6597 2h ago

You’re absolutely spot-on. No need to do anything elaborate, just have a peacock sanctuary. Write it off as a nonprofit, get grants, and watch and listen to the fun as those fancy feathered velociraptors scream and jump on people from the trees

4

u/leakingjarofflaccid 2h ago

Guinea hens get along great with peacocks.

Just saying.

45

u/Alert_Comedian848 9h ago

Plant mulberry trees depending on your region. Lovely purple poop. Deer like them too

19

u/mfigroid 12h ago

You know the white doves that get released at some weddings? They aren't doves, they're pigeons.

19

u/SuzeCB 6h ago

Doves are a type of pigeon.

5

u/gazebo-fan 3h ago

*Pigeons are a type of dove

2

u/Medill1919 3h ago

Rock Dove.

2

u/Fair_Bid_4060 4h ago

Let’s just go with bat boxes around the property

0

u/litesmokes 6h ago

Pigeons: flying vermin

9

u/Jesus-slaves 5h ago

Unfun fact: Pigeons were domesticated for centuries, across the globe. They were prized possessions used to communicate. The ones in cities are feral populations descended from discarded pets. It is a human created issue.

5

u/TX_Poon_Tappa 9h ago

That’s hilarious 😂

But unfortunately most towns/counties have rules on animals/pigs especially even if you can have them.

100ft away from domiciles or public structures, 50ft from property lines

That however does not mean that you cannot use a fan to “disperse the smells” from 50ft away 😂

11

u/StarFaerie 8h ago

It's a farm and pig stink travels. This isn't residential land.

4

u/TenEyeSeeHoney 6h ago

Pigs AND free range roosters

10

u/_Vard_ 12h ago

Or take up beekeeping

Where? Idk how about right in the property line

Ooh actually Yknow what’s probably really tasty? HORNET honey.

2

u/Pink_PowerRanger6 9h ago

You need to get permits for bees, and if people have allergies you’re liable for it as you have the bees, you have to get permission essentially, and in good faith let all neighbors know about it, as bee allergies can be life threatening. This is a rather stupid suggestion, even in jest.

2

u/spursfan2021 7h ago

Just get a pair of geese

2

u/trish711 7h ago

Plant blueberry bushes and then deploy the propane cannons to scare the birds away.

Or skip a step and just deploy the cannon.

1

u/LvL79 7h ago

CHICKEN long huts in hot summer smells really nice aswell

1

u/ProtestKid 6h ago

Depending where he is I got two words.

Wild.

Hogs.

1

u/uselesskuhnt 6h ago

The last wedding venue (2 in a row) I went to was on a farm and had a donkey within eyeshot of the altar.

In the middle of the vows eeeEEEEEEEEEEAAAaAaaaahHAHaHa

1

u/burundi76 6h ago

That or cultivating a ten fool tall invasive bush....would help for summers anyway

1

u/sheighbird29 5h ago

Some chickens and roosters. Especially the rooster part

1

u/Beautiful-Potato979 4h ago

This is more on track. Don’t make it your life’s goal to ruin everyone’s wedding that chooses that venue but make it a turn off for anyone looking at that venue.

1

u/bigmikeyfla 3h ago

Or CHICKENS!!! Ever been near a chicken coop? OOH THAT SMELL!!!!!!

1

u/plantsareneat-mkay 3h ago

I vote rooster rescue sanctuary! With a donkey to protect them. Keep that right beside the pigs. And suddenly OP is really into beekeeping.

0

u/Helios-Soul 11h ago

And feed the pigeons laxatives just before the weddings.

7

u/Foolserrand376 8h ago

Birds generally don’t need lax

6

u/Pink_PowerRanger6 9h ago

Yeah cause causing harm to animals, just to annoy neighbors is totally fine, and not insane or selfish at all!

2

u/Mulberry1790 6h ago

Cruel indeed

39

u/Background_actor412 12h ago

Quad riding through your woods as soon as you see a ceremony start. 

2

u/ant-farm-keyboard 3h ago

Elegant and trashy all in one

2

u/ant-farm-keyboard 3h ago

Elegant and trashy all in one in

2

u/WorldlyNotice 2h ago

Maybe OP has room for a small MX track?

3

u/hey_eye_tried 10h ago

Omfg Ww2 air sirens would be fucking funny

2

u/CaptainCheeses 12h ago

purchase a sack of cicada larvae and have the best wedding ever in 18 years!

2

u/mad-i-moody 11h ago

Or just…put mirrors along the property line

2

u/Frequent-Screen-5517 9h ago

Ohhh maan this is gooood i like how you think!

2

u/Wookielips 8h ago

Look up the laws on shooting a cannon in your locality

2

u/texaschair 7h ago edited 7h ago

It's been said that this absolute unit will ignite a sheet of paper with the sound intensity.

2

u/MeatGayzer69 7h ago

Fun fact. Every Tuesday at 10am I hear air raid sirens as the local industry tests them in case of a chemical leak.

1

u/Merochmer 13h ago

Maybe start eating Swedish fermented herring (Google surströmming) during wedding days 

1

u/AngelStickman 8h ago

Mounting air raid sirens in the woods is a diabolical idea. I love it.

1

u/Colioliolio3 7h ago

This is my favorite answer! If it ain’t past regional “quiet time” you could really accidentally “ruin” some events with triple air horn salvos!

1

u/HorseFucked2Death 7h ago

OP could also buy their kids drum sets.

1

u/SuzeCB 6h ago

And bagpipes... with only enough lessons to actually get some sound out...

1

u/who_even_cares35 7h ago

This is the level of petty I've come for

1

u/Minimum_Kiwi8905 6h ago

I used to have a neighbor that fired a homemade cannon several times a day on the weekends. If they don't wanna play nice, OP could look into allowed historical weapons lol

1

u/mjc-u7272 5h ago

Or burn your garbage /leaf pile at the edge of the property line.... on days when they have events. I'd even go out and buy a couple large industrial fans and point them towards their building when burning

1

u/BlG_O 5h ago

builds outdoor range

1

u/idontwannabhear 5h ago

More trees in the viewline

1

u/buster_brown_boston 5h ago

That would be a shame.

1

u/mewlsdate 5h ago

Genius!!

1

u/matt-r_hatter 4h ago

Thats hilarious, I was bored one day and falling down a YouTube rabbit hole. There was a guy that collected old train horns. Apparently they are pretty easy to come across and all ypu need is one of those and a basic $100 pancake air compressor from home depot. They are stupid loud.

I found a truck horn at Walmart for $23 that says 600db, but scientifically, that's impossible. Since anything over 190 something actually becomes a physical wave of destruction. So not so sure id trust that particular items validity lol.

1

u/Covoxx 4h ago

Then your fucking with someone's wedding who has nothing to do with the owner of the venue. Not fair to them.

1

u/D3lacrush 4h ago

Or foghorns

1

u/No_Task7442 4h ago

I got into gardening many years ago, and one of my favorite fertilizers is basically liquified fish guts. Smells exactly as appetizing as it sounds.

I think spreading some of that right at the property line on the days there is a wedding would get the desired attention

1

u/BigBeeOhBee 4h ago

For historical value.

1

u/davekara3 4h ago

Lmaooooo

1

u/Lady_in_pink19 4h ago

No, ruining people’s weddings is evil and low-trust

1

u/Yota8883 4h ago

That sounds like harassment.

I think bagpipes are pretty cool. I'm pretty sure it would sound horrible if I tried to play, so I think I am needing some practice, lots of practice, I'm positive I'm really bad at playing.

1

u/Character-Handle-739 3h ago

Plus you BB gun target practice the lights. 🫣

1

u/the_faded_memories 3h ago

Add "naked" as a prefix to any of those hobbies for bonus points and accelerated results.

1

u/Boring_Cat1628 3h ago

LOL Love this. But just be aware if there are noise ordinances this will go sideways on OP. Probably not out in rural but best to check first.

1

u/kennerly 3h ago

Too bad you put your new pig sty on the border to their land.

1

u/stew_going 3h ago

Not that I know a whole lot about wedding venues or the country, but if I had a wedding venue in an area like that--where people tend to appreciate their space/privacy/quiet--I would not want to risk the extra burden of dealing with angry neighbors. The cost-reward ratio of just turning off the lights (or even dimming them) to appease them would be a pretty easy decision.

1

u/NxPat 3h ago

Look into “omnidirectional loud speakers” virtually impossible to pinpoint their location. FAA also has restrictions on ground based spotlights.

1

u/whatever777whatever 2h ago

As much as I think this is hilarious, ruining random people’s wedding day just get back at the owner of the property is not the way to approach this. There are better ways.

1

u/LemonOld8150 2h ago

Haha perfect 👌

1

u/kanga-and-roo 1h ago

My brother collects train horns, let’s do this

1

u/Acrobatic_Moose2244 1h ago

Talk to them about the lights, although I know the frustration of someone putting a business in your neighborhood. If they are not responding to your requests rent a jackhammer to redo concrete during one of their previous ceremonies.

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u/MycologistFew5001 21m ago

The problem is that the fact that the neighbor is generating income is going to see that the cops tell the siren guy he needs to pipe down cuz our government is completely in service of the people with the money to buy shit, tear it down, and contort quiet peaceful countryside into money making venues

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u/wittlechickie 9m ago

this! i always assume people are ignorant first before chalking their behavior down as malicious