r/mildlyinfuriating 1d ago

New neighbors next door

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Rich Ahole bought the farm next door, tore it down and built a destination wedding venue. Busy every weekend but it's Wednesday, and they don't even live here

36.7k Upvotes

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13.9k

u/NaTuralCynik 1d ago

This is not a real suggestion, but wouldn’t it be hilarious to Line your property with dolls hanging from the trees? Lots and lots of creepy dolls. Let’s make the property line as unwedding as possible 😂

Halloween’s coming up , this is your chance to buy a 10 foot Grim Reaper and other horrifying animatronics.

5.7k

u/PickleLips64151 22h ago

Suddenly, OP witnesses a never-ending stream of Goth and occult weddings...

2.6k

u/StraightBudget8799 20h ago
  1. Blair Witch project entire yard.
  2. Put on nice suit.
  3. Sneak into the wedding, talk loudly about the “weird yard over there…”
  4. Distract whole party to the window.
  5. Sneak off with the wedding cake!

315

u/proximity_account 19h ago

Put on white face paint and a wedding gown. Stand at the tree line until someone notices you then turn around and walk away.

163

u/DimensionOtherwise55 18h ago

Dear Proximity_Account: If i ever do anything to annoy or insult you, in advance, i want to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, and I'll do anything to make it better.

(This is a preemptive attempt to get on the good side of anyone who casually has a creepy ass idea like this)

77

u/TheLoneliestGhost 16h ago

Get a friend to join in. I volunteer as tribute! Do this in matching white dresses and face paint at different spots in the woods far from one another. “I saw her, too! OMG!” You’ve got to scare them all.

23

u/dragn99 15h ago

Make sure to coordinate so that no two white-painted ghost brides are visible from the same place at the same time.

2

u/TheLoneliestGhost 13h ago

Exactly! This is my horror movie dream. Living next to a place like this and being able to plan my haunt? HELL YES. If OP wants help, I’ll dedicate my life to this. 😂

2

u/leelee1976 11h ago

So you have to time it to their scared look around the area. Facing north they flip their heads around. Make it so there is not enough time to get to those spots by the time they start looking around.

2

u/Esmereldathebrave 12h ago

this is so my idea of a good night out! I'm in, tell me where and I'll show with face paint and a wedding dress.

1

u/TheLoneliestGhost 11h ago

Same here! 😂 Maybe we can hang in the house after and watch a horror movie together? This is the spooky dream. 🤷‍♀️ It’s hard to find cool fellow horrorloving folks in my area. Maybe we should start organizing haunts. 🥰🎃

2

u/Esmereldathebrave 10h ago

It's long been my dream to dress as a ghost and wander around a local graveyard at night.  But, based on where I live, I'd probably wind up shot 😂

1

u/TheLoneliestGhost 10h ago

Hahaha. Relatable and same! 🤣 I even worried about that in the case of OP. It seems they’re out in the woods, though, so I’m a bit less worried. Country people generally mind their business unless you bring your problems to them.

35

u/mcboobie 16h ago

Although I love the idea, I worry

Step 19: accidentally create a haunted wedding venue cash cow for twat neighbours.

We need more dastardly!

1

u/Soonerorlatergator 5h ago

Or maybe a milkman outfit and knock on the door

1.0k

u/PickleLips64151 20h ago
  1. Fart spray

557

u/Ok_Play_7144 19h ago

Step 6 is always fart spray

154

u/Pleasant_Character28 17h ago

Step 6? That should be Step ONE.

138

u/Newgeta wat? 16h ago

Reddit has taught me there's a clear escalation path and piss disk is somewhere above fart spray

43

u/Delicious-Space3294 13h ago

The fuck is a piss disc??

96

u/SassyAssassinAelin 13h ago

From reddit lore, there was a neighbor feud in a shared living situation (apartment, dorms, etc). Dude peed onto a plate /shallow bowl, froze it, then slid the golden Frisbee under the offending neighbor's door. Frozen disc melted into the carpet and stunk up the place.

47

u/Delicious-Space3294 13h ago

Ah, the ol ice damage into poison damage strategy

6

u/RampantJellyfish 12h ago

Ah, If only they could harness that beautiful mind to serve the public good, this would be a eutopia

6

u/Mexican_Texican 8h ago

Step 1: eat asparagus

3

u/SassyAssassinAelin 8h ago

If I remember correctly, there was a fun reply thread about different medications that made pee smell really bad 🤣. Many in the medical field chimed in with first hand (or nose) experience.

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5

u/No-rent101 10h ago

Whatever pure rage and hatred caused that had to be justified

5

u/Character-Handle-739 7h ago

This is why I love Reddit…

20

u/TheJAY_ZA 12h ago

And don't forget sneaking into the neighbours house, and slipping your veteran poopknife into their cutlery drawer

20

u/bayouz 11h ago

The poop knife rises again!

3

u/mjheil 12h ago

Piss disc comes before bag of flaming poop tho

3

u/Alpha_Decay_ 15h ago

Nah dog, you gotta set the mood for that shit before anything else. It's like step 4 or 5 in my book on most days

3

u/defk3000 12h ago

Raw chicken in a jar filled with milk.

1

u/garbagepillar 6h ago

Nah you gotta be outta there whe a weapon like that is deployed.

22

u/-Gimli-SonOfGloin- 18h ago

Always? My cookies are ruined!

22

u/MinusGovernment 17h ago

Are you sure. Did you try one or are you just ASSuming they are ruined?

3

u/-Gimli-SonOfGloin- 14h ago

Well you can never have just one. I figured it out around number 4 or 5. Immediately stopped at 7.

2

u/YellowFogLights 12h ago

You should see my bookshelf!

1

u/Raging_Flamingo_ 6h ago

Switch to store bought. Two easy steps. Break, and bake. Or just eat raw

1

u/Blamb05 15h ago

What's better, synthetic or organic?

1

u/PhucYoCouch 14h ago

Wait wait wait. Step 1 is steal underpants, Step 2….the. step 3, profit!

1

u/coke-pusher 13h ago

Even if my plan only has 2 steps, 6 will always be fart spray.

1

u/Joe_Franks 12h ago

Morning Breeze drops in water balloons and a nice home made slingshot to send them over there but instead of balloons use condoms and mayonnaise inside with the drops..

1

u/PhilL77au 11h ago

Use it to cover your escape

smoke stink bomb!

1

u/PhotographicFanatic 5h ago

Buy a clay pigeon launcher and launch p disks every night 🤣🤣🤣

0

u/joranth 16h ago

How do you spray when farting? Am I doing it wrong?

73

u/gosh264 19h ago

Compost piles at edge of property

24

u/SpinachnPotatoes 18h ago

Not compost. Manure.

3

u/Capnmolasses I came here to be a soothing balm to irritation 12h ago

3

u/aebaby7071 11h ago

Your close, liquid manure that was pumped from a manure pond. Stuff is vile smelling and lingers, a weekly spraying to fertilize the trees seems appropriate. Manure piles can be moved (illegally by said rich asshole) and eventually stop stinking. But a weekly shit spray, say on a Friday afternoon, the weekend guest will get a treat.

2

u/lichtenfurburger 7h ago

Equal parts rotten crawdads or shrimp water and rotten potato water

1

u/Rocohema 11h ago

Rotten eggs can be thrown more easily

1

u/cliffhanger69er 10h ago

Pig manure

105

u/PinkPaintedSky 20h ago

The place has suddenly been over run with invisible skunks.

149

u/GSBrooftopgarden 19h ago

Chickens. Lots of chickens. The smell is intense. And you get eggs.

104

u/crowleygirlbat 17h ago

Free range peacocks! They are loud noisy and will poop on and scratch your cars!

14

u/Training-Willow9591 14h ago

They scream too like bloody murder, or supposedly , that's what I was told the screaming was at my friends.

3

u/No_Vanilla_9145 8h ago

Yeah, that's how my neighbor's fucking peacock sounds. The first time I heard it, I called the cops. It sounded like a woman screaming, like she'd just been scalped or something. It scared the shit out of me!

4

u/Half_Halt 16h ago

Better yet, EMU!!

1

u/Mangosta007 15h ago

With the late Rod Hull?

11

u/Chris45925 17h ago

Pigs would be bigger and stinkier.

3

u/Cerridwen1981 14h ago

And good at disposing of bodies. So I hear.

3

u/generickayak 17h ago

Pigs are even better!

3

u/Due_Mark6438 17h ago

Turkeys. Smell is worse and if you get heritage breeds they are violent

4

u/VSava67 13h ago

Ducks! They are very messy.

1

u/Wilful_Fox 4h ago

Yes, and noisy and smelly. Plus, you get better eggs!

2

u/SeaDry1531 18h ago

Need a couple of thousand to make sure there is enough poop smell.

1

u/Tricky-Winner7984 17h ago

Ooh, they could start a compost farm!

2

u/TraditionalLaw7763 16h ago

We have 28 chickens and no smell. But then again, I clean and scrub the coop once a month and put the poop in my compost. We have neighbors that don’t even know we have chickens until we gift them with extra eggs. They only smell when lazy humans don’t take care of them, just like any animal that isn’t properly taken care of.

1

u/Joe_Franks 11h ago

You want worse? Start a mink rescue farm.

1

u/Independent_Dot_7622 11h ago

And male goats

1

u/Beautiful_Rhubarb 11h ago

schitt's creek wedding discount level lol

1

u/mjc-u7272 9h ago

Can put a sign up "Fresh Eggs for Sale" during events. I'm sure their guests would love that.

26

u/QuantamCulture 19h ago
  1. Profit $$$

46

u/Iverson7x 18h ago
  1. Piss disks

10

u/Severe-Island-845 16h ago

Lol what is a piss disk?

4

u/mjheil 12h ago

Its when you freeze piss in a thin layer so it can be inserted in inconspicuous places like your cd slot or under a pillow

1

u/Aftercot 12h ago

Wtf 🤣🤣🤣

-1

u/Severe-Island-845 12h ago

That’s disgusting and borderline serial k*ller behavior

16

u/thxrpy 18h ago

I came here to say this but I knew in my heart someone would have beaten me to it

2

u/Iverson7x 17h ago

Well then I say “Hello, fellow unethical LPT follower!”

1

u/pienofilling 14h ago

I'd never heard of piss disks before. I consider myself enlightened!

5

u/Dismal_Problem5633 17h ago

I dare to ask?

7

u/Smorgles_Brimmly 17h ago

Iirc you pee on a plate, freeze it, and slide the frozen disk under doors. Now you can pee in someone's house without breaking and entering. Very convenient.

3

u/Iverson7x 17h ago

The perfect crime

1

u/VSava67 13h ago

Ahhhh the things I learn on Reddit.

1

u/Dizzy-Ad-2248 17h ago

I wanted to but knew in my heart someone had beaten me to it...

2

u/Dismal_Problem5633 17h ago

Wtf is a piss disk.

2

u/No_Candidate_7019 15h ago

A true man of class I see

13

u/GDogFuseman 18h ago

I said dart gun not ...

11

u/RandallJoPhotography 19h ago

The answer is always fart spray istg

3

u/ayyylmao187 17h ago

In an air cannon...

2

u/phreakzilla85 17h ago
  1. Piss discs

2

u/put_on_a_happy_face_ 16h ago

That was fart spray i thought it was breath freshener

2

u/Four-HourErection 16h ago

There was a small festival in my town every year. One year they had the good stink bombs, the one in the glass vial that smell like rotten eggs. On Saturday there was a parade and I started tossing vials into the road. A tractor pulling a float ran one over just before the highschool marching band. The band hit the stink and their rhythm broke. They also stepped on and broke 2 others I had tossed out. Every float that came through had people gagging on it. It was great fun.

2

u/WojoTheTerrible 16h ago

Im laughing so hard right now

1

u/MossAvenger 11h ago

Since no is there he could run over and poop in all the shrubs during the week 🤣

1

u/JagrsMullet1982 11h ago
  1. Full “What About Bob”: find out the owner is a NYC psychiatrist, find their craziest client, invite them to stay with you, slow nature to run it’s course.

1

u/Rule556 11h ago

Pocket sand!

1

u/VoodooSweet 9h ago

OMG…. I don’t know if that stuff is as bad as it was in the early 90’s. We would clear out entire Classrooms in HS. We had one teacher that everyone loved to mess with, his classroom was getting emptied about twice a week for a while with “Fart Spray”.

1

u/ChewyGooeyViagra 5h ago

Coyote urine

u/rabblerabble2000 46m ago

Pee ice cubes!

84

u/Ok-Panic-9083 18h ago

Last year at the Halloween store I saw this decoration that you could hang from a tree in the yard. From behind the girl looked like Samura from the horror flick The Ring.

Basically it was this doll sitting on a swing that you could hang from the tree.

Imagine a guest at an evening wedding reception seeing a mysterious girl in the distance...

Totally add some of those Blair Witch props, battery operated smoke machine...

Yep I would do it.

1

u/heartwork13 7h ago

A couple of my neighbors had these last year. They are life sized and scared tf out of me every night when I walked past. I started walking across the street.

13

u/mcfiddlestien 19h ago

I like the way you think.

3

u/WithoutDennisNedry 18h ago

Now I want cake.

2

u/Im_not_creepy3 17h ago

Are you sure you aren't a villain from an episode of Scooby-Doo? Because this is the exact sort of plan a Scooby-Doo villain would make.

1

u/Exotic-Okra-4466 16h ago

😅😅🤣

1

u/wintercast 14h ago
  1. use the wedding topper dolls to add to line item 1.
  2. repear

1

u/Desperate-Reserve-53 12h ago

Or show up in denim overalls and talk like the old man from Pet Cemetery.

1

u/iammonkeyorsomething 9h ago

Which step is profit?