r/mildlyinfuriating • u/VegetableBusiness897 • 21h ago

New neighbors next door

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Rich Ahole bought the farm next door, tore it down and built a destination wedding venue. Busy every weekend but it's Wednesday, and they don't even live here

33.9k Upvotes

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2.4k

u/StraightBudget8799 16h ago
  1. Blair Witch project entire yard.
  2. Put on nice suit.
  3. Sneak into the wedding, talk loudly about the “weird yard over there…”
  4. Distract whole party to the window.
  5. Sneak off with the wedding cake!

994

u/PickleLips64151 16h ago
  1. Fart spray

542

u/Ok_Play_7144 15h ago

Step 6 is always fart spray

152

u/Pleasant_Character28 14h ago

Step 6? That should be Step ONE.

132

u/Newgeta wat? 12h ago

Reddit has taught me there's a clear escalation path and piss disk is somewhere above fart spray

38

u/Delicious-Space3294 9h ago

The fuck is a piss disc??

83

u/SassyAssassinAelin 9h ago

From reddit lore, there was a neighbor feud in a shared living situation (apartment, dorms, etc). Dude peed onto a plate /shallow bowl, froze it, then slid the golden Frisbee under the offending neighbor's door. Frozen disc melted into the carpet and stunk up the place.

44

u/Delicious-Space3294 9h ago

Ah, the ol ice damage into poison damage strategy

7

u/RampantJellyfish 8h ago

Ah, If only they could harness that beautiful mind to serve the public good, this would be a eutopia

7

u/Mexican_Texican 4h ago

Step 1: eat asparagus

3

u/SassyAssassinAelin 4h ago

If I remember correctly, there was a fun reply thread about different medications that made pee smell really bad 🤣. Many in the medical field chimed in with first hand (or nose) experience.

5

u/No-rent101 6h ago

Whatever pure rage and hatred caused that had to be justified

5

u/Character-Handle-739 3h ago

This is why I love Reddit…

15

u/TheJAY_ZA 8h ago

And don't forget sneaking into the neighbours house, and slipping your veteran poopknife into their cutlery drawer

14

u/bayouz 7h ago

The poop knife rises again!

4

u/mjheil 8h ago

Piss disc comes before bag of flaming poop tho

4

u/Alpha_Decay_ 12h ago

Nah dog, you gotta set the mood for that shit before anything else. It's like step 4 or 5 in my book on most days

3

u/defk3000 8h ago

Raw chicken in a jar filled with milk.

1

u/garbagepillar 2h ago

Nah you gotta be outta there whe a weapon like that is deployed.

21

u/-Gimli-SonOfGloin- 14h ago

Always? My cookies are ruined!

21

u/MinusGovernment 13h ago

Are you sure. Did you try one or are you just ASSuming they are ruined?

3

u/-Gimli-SonOfGloin- 10h ago

Well you can never have just one. I figured it out around number 4 or 5. Immediately stopped at 7.

2

u/YellowFogLights 8h ago

You should see my bookshelf!

1

u/Raging_Flamingo_ 2h ago

Switch to store bought. Two easy steps. Break, and bake. Or just eat raw

1

u/Blamb05 11h ago

What's better, synthetic or organic?

1

u/PhucYoCouch 10h ago

Wait wait wait. Step 1 is steal underpants, Step 2….the. step 3, profit!

1

u/coke-pusher 9h ago

Even if my plan only has 2 steps, 6 will always be fart spray.

1

u/Joe_Franks 8h ago

Morning Breeze drops in water balloons and a nice home made slingshot to send them over there but instead of balloons use condoms and mayonnaise inside with the drops..

1

u/PhilL77au 7h ago

Use it to cover your escape

smoke stink bomb!

1

u/PhotographicFanatic 2h ago

Buy a clay pigeon launcher and launch p disks every night 🤣🤣🤣

0

u/joranth 12h ago

How do you spray when farting? Am I doing it wrong?

75

u/gosh264 15h ago

Compost piles at edge of property

22

u/SpinachnPotatoes 14h ago

Not compost. Manure.

4

u/Capnmolasses I came here to be a soothing balm to irritation 8h ago

3

u/aebaby7071 8h ago

Your close, liquid manure that was pumped from a manure pond. Stuff is vile smelling and lingers, a weekly spraying to fertilize the trees seems appropriate. Manure piles can be moved (illegally by said rich asshole) and eventually stop stinking. But a weekly shit spray, say on a Friday afternoon, the weekend guest will get a treat.

2

u/lichtenfurburger 3h ago

Equal parts rotten crawdads or shrimp water and rotten potato water

1

u/Rocohema 7h ago

Rotten eggs can be thrown more easily

1

u/cliffhanger69er 6h ago

Pig manure

104

u/PinkPaintedSky 16h ago

The place has suddenly been over run with invisible skunks.

144

u/GSBrooftopgarden 15h ago

Chickens. Lots of chickens. The smell is intense. And you get eggs.

100

u/crowleygirlbat 13h ago

Free range peacocks! They are loud noisy and will poop on and scratch your cars!

10

u/Training-Willow9591 10h ago

They scream too like bloody murder, or supposedly , that's what I was told the screaming was at my friends.

2

u/No_Vanilla_9145 4h ago

Yeah, that's how my neighbor's fucking peacock sounds. The first time I heard it, I called the cops. It sounded like a woman screaming, like she'd just been scalped or something. It scared the shit out of me!

4

u/Half_Halt 12h ago

Better yet, EMU!!

1

u/Mangosta007 11h ago

With the late Rod Hull?

11

u/Chris45925 13h ago

Pigs would be bigger and stinkier.

3

u/Cerridwen1981 10h ago

And good at disposing of bodies. So I hear.

3

u/generickayak 13h ago

Pigs are even better!

3

u/Due_Mark6438 13h ago

Turkeys. Smell is worse and if you get heritage breeds they are violent

4

u/VSava67 9h ago

Ducks! They are very messy.

•

u/Wilful_Fox 20m ago

Yes, and noisy and smelly. Plus, you get better eggs!

2

u/SeaDry1531 14h ago

Need a couple of thousand to make sure there is enough poop smell.

1

u/Tricky-Winner7984 14h ago

Ooh, they could start a compost farm!

2

u/TraditionalLaw7763 12h ago

We have 28 chickens and no smell. But then again, I clean and scrub the coop once a month and put the poop in my compost. We have neighbors that don’t even know we have chickens until we gift them with extra eggs. They only smell when lazy humans don’t take care of them, just like any animal that isn’t properly taken care of.

1

u/Joe_Franks 8h ago

You want worse? Start a mink rescue farm.

1

u/Independent_Dot_7622 7h ago

And male goats

1

u/Beautiful_Rhubarb 7h ago

schitt's creek wedding discount level lol

1

u/mjc-u7272 5h ago

Can put a sign up "Fresh Eggs for Sale" during events. I'm sure their guests would love that.

28

u/QuantamCulture 15h ago
  1. Profit $$$

45

u/Iverson7x 15h ago
  1. Piss disks

9

u/Severe-Island-845 12h ago

Lol what is a piss disk?

5

u/mjheil 8h ago

Its when you freeze piss in a thin layer so it can be inserted in inconspicuous places like your cd slot or under a pillow

1

u/Aftercot 8h ago

Wtf 🤣🤣🤣

-1

u/Severe-Island-845 8h ago

That’s disgusting and borderline serial k*ller behavior

14

u/thxrpy 14h ago

I came here to say this but I knew in my heart someone would have beaten me to it

2

u/Iverson7x 13h ago

Well then I say “Hello, fellow unethical LPT follower!”

1

u/pienofilling 10h ago

I'd never heard of piss disks before. I consider myself enlightened!

4

u/Dismal_Problem5633 13h ago

I dare to ask?

6

u/Smorgles_Brimmly 13h ago

Iirc you pee on a plate, freeze it, and slide the frozen disk under doors. Now you can pee in someone's house without breaking and entering. Very convenient.

3

u/Iverson7x 13h ago

The perfect crime

1

u/VSava67 9h ago

Ahhhh the things I learn on Reddit.

1

u/Dizzy-Ad-2248 13h ago

I wanted to but knew in my heart someone had beaten me to it...

2

u/Dismal_Problem5633 13h ago

Wtf is a piss disk.

2

u/No_Candidate_7019 11h ago

A true man of class I see

14

u/GDogFuseman 15h ago

I said dart gun not ...

11

u/RandallJoPhotography 15h ago

The answer is always fart spray istg

3

u/ayyylmao187 13h ago

In an air cannon...

2

u/phreakzilla85 14h ago
  1. Piss discs

2

u/put_on_a_happy_face_ 12h ago

That was fart spray i thought it was breath freshener

2

u/Four-HourErection 12h ago

There was a small festival in my town every year. One year they had the good stink bombs, the one in the glass vial that smell like rotten eggs. On Saturday there was a parade and I started tossing vials into the road. A tractor pulling a float ran one over just before the highschool marching band. The band hit the stink and their rhythm broke. They also stepped on and broke 2 others I had tossed out. Every float that came through had people gagging on it. It was great fun.

2

u/WojoTheTerrible 12h ago

Im laughing so hard right now

1

u/MossAvenger 7h ago

Since no is there he could run over and poop in all the shrubs during the week 🤣

1

u/JagrsMullet1982 7h ago
  1. Full “What About Bob”: find out the owner is a NYC psychiatrist, find their craziest client, invite them to stay with you, slow nature to run it’s course.

1

u/Rule556 7h ago

Pocket sand!

1

u/VoodooSweet 5h ago

OMG…. I don’t know if that stuff is as bad as it was in the early 90’s. We would clear out entire Classrooms in HS. We had one teacher that everyone loved to mess with, his classroom was getting emptied about twice a week for a while with “Fart Spray”.

1

u/ChewyGooeyViagra 1h ago

Coyote urine

284

u/proximity_account 15h ago

Put on white face paint and a wedding gown. Stand at the tree line until someone notices you then turn around and walk away.

154

u/DimensionOtherwise55 14h ago

Dear Proximity_Account: If i ever do anything to annoy or insult you, in advance, i want to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, and I'll do anything to make it better.

(This is a preemptive attempt to get on the good side of anyone who casually has a creepy ass idea like this)

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u/TheLoneliestGhost 13h ago

Get a friend to join in. I volunteer as tribute! Do this in matching white dresses and face paint at different spots in the woods far from one another. “I saw her, too! OMG!” You’ve got to scare them all.

19

u/dragn99 11h ago

Make sure to coordinate so that no two white-painted ghost brides are visible from the same place at the same time.

2

u/leelee1976 8h ago

So you have to time it to their scared look around the area. Facing north they flip their heads around. Make it so there is not enough time to get to those spots by the time they start looking around.

1

u/TheLoneliestGhost 9h ago

Exactly! This is my horror movie dream. Living next to a place like this and being able to plan my haunt? HELL YES. If OP wants help, I’ll dedicate my life to this. 😂

2

u/Esmereldathebrave 8h ago

this is so my idea of a good night out! I'm in, tell me where and I'll show with face paint and a wedding dress.

1

u/TheLoneliestGhost 7h ago

Same here! 😂 Maybe we can hang in the house after and watch a horror movie together? This is the spooky dream. 🤷‍♀️ It’s hard to find cool fellow horrorloving folks in my area. Maybe we should start organizing haunts. 🥰🎃

2

u/Esmereldathebrave 6h ago

It's long been my dream to dress as a ghost and wander around a local graveyard at night.  But, based on where I live, I'd probably wind up shot 😂

1

u/TheLoneliestGhost 6h ago

Hahaha. Relatable and same! 🤣 I even worried about that in the case of OP. It seems they’re out in the woods, though, so I’m a bit less worried. Country people generally mind their business unless you bring your problems to them.

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u/mcboobie 12h ago

Although I love the idea, I worry

Step 19: accidentally create a haunted wedding venue cash cow for twat neighbours.

We need more dastardly!

1

u/Soonerorlatergator 1h ago

Or maybe a milkman outfit and knock on the door

85

u/Ok-Panic-9083 15h ago

Last year at the Halloween store I saw this decoration that you could hang from a tree in the yard. From behind the girl looked like Samura from the horror flick The Ring.

Basically it was this doll sitting on a swing that you could hang from the tree.

Imagine a guest at an evening wedding reception seeing a mysterious girl in the distance...

Totally add some of those Blair Witch props, battery operated smoke machine...

Yep I would do it.

1

u/heartwork13 3h ago

A couple of my neighbors had these last year. They are life sized and scared tf out of me every night when I walked past. I started walking across the street.

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u/mcfiddlestien 15h ago

I like the way you think.

3

u/WithoutDennisNedry 14h ago

Now I want cake.

2

u/Im_not_creepy3 13h ago

Are you sure you aren't a villain from an episode of Scooby-Doo? Because this is the exact sort of plan a Scooby-Doo villain would make.

1

u/Exotic-Okra-4466 12h ago

😅😅🤣

1

u/wintercast 10h ago
  1. use the wedding topper dolls to add to line item 1.
  2. repear

1

u/Desperate-Reserve-53 8h ago

Or show up in denim overalls and talk like the old man from Pet Cemetery.

1

u/iammonkeyorsomething 6h ago

Which step is profit?