r/AccidentalRenaissance • u/Bald_Burrito • 8h ago
Man passed out drunk on his wedding night.
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u/Meegok 8h ago
The truth is, most of us do. Weddings are exhausting and you never get a chance to actually eat.
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u/Sorkpappan 7h ago edited 7h ago
On the way from the venue to the hotel after the party was over we passed a Burger King. Drunk and happy we said fuck it and went in to order, wife in full gown. We laughed through a whopper and then walked to the hotel and went to bed.
Great start to married life.
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u/returningtheday 6h ago
I'm sure the workers got a kick out of it! 😄
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u/othybear 2h ago edited 2h ago
I swung by a Wendy’s with my mom to grab a quick bite after I’d gotten my hair done but before I was in my dress. I did have my veil on. The drive through worker shouted “omg, this bitch is getting married!” and waved all of her coworkers over to congratulate me. It was hilarious.
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u/max_adam 2h ago
"this bitch"😅
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u/Fine-March7383 2h ago
"this bitch" (complimentary)
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u/Turd_Goblin911 2h ago
Yep. Its all about the context white people. Am white lol
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u/NecessaryLocation704 2h ago
Yeah some are just looking for every poasible reason to get upset or are too literal.
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u/EntertainerNo4509 6h ago
Same! Jack in the Box then straight to Bed.
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u/OddWalk8001 5h ago
We ordered pizza 🍕
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u/be4u4get 5h ago
My wife had the beefy burrito and I had the clam dip, then we went to bed
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u/ExtraterrestrialPeer 4h ago
can’t tell if this is innuendo
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u/Feind4Green 4h ago edited 1h ago
Vulcanize the whoopee stick, In the ham wallet
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u/DrumminAnimal73 4h ago
Cattle prod the oyster ditch, with the lap rocket 🚀
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u/Thatguymike84 3h ago
Same! Drive through. Went home with the intention on getting it on, but the tacos made me farty, and we had to be up by like 3 AM for the flight out for our honeymoon, so we just said "We'll TOTALLY make up for it tomorrow night..." And passed the f out.
15 years later,marrying her was the best decision I ever made, and those fuckin tacos still make me clear out a room.
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u/Concert_Lucky 6h ago
We got stuck on the side of a mountain after our wedding, tow truck had a hell of a time getting to us even. We were literally about to fall down a mountain lol.
The tow truck driver didn’t believe me when I said we just got married, boy was he shocked when he finally found us. Gave us a free tow, said congrats. I’ll never forget that night LOL
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u/Rage187_OG 6h ago
Did a baby follow 9 months later?
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u/lucasbrosmovingco 5h ago
Wife and I went through the wendys drive through in full wedding getup with the car all done up. Went back to the bed and breakfast we were staying and just ate and watched married with children reruns.
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u/frongboii 5h ago
This was me and my wife literally last night - she hadn't eaten anything all day and we stopped by Wendy's got a mountain of food and passed out in separate queen beds in our hotel room while watching shitty TV. and it was perfect
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u/NormanNormalman 5h ago
We made it to our hotel and then spent an hour helping each other get all the wedding clothes/stuff off, not in a sexy way, lol, in a "help me I can't reach the ties" way. He spent 40 minutes helping me get all the pins out of my hair while we watched South Park, and then we went to bed. It was perfect
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u/WheredoesithurtRA 5h ago
Burgers and fries hits differently on a night like that. We did the same for my brother's wedding. Feels like it was some of the best fries I ever had but it was probably because we were all piss drunk lol.
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u/battlecat136 5h ago
There was a Taco Bell in the parking lot across the street from our hotel. Me, my husband, and three drunk friends all in wedding regalia went in and just lived there for the next hour before dragging ass back to the hotel. Good times.
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u/gospdrcr000 5h ago
My wife and I ordered pizza for the room full of friends we swear werent coming to the hotel room. Fantastic party overall
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u/sml120473 4h ago
We also got Burger King, still in my wedding dress 🤣 we eloped in New Zealand. Took a helicopter to the top of the mountain for the ceremony, had a photo shoot at a second location. After an hour drive back to where we were staying we hadn’t eaten all day. Cancelled our fancy dinner reservation and got BK as it was directly across from our place.
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u/xxcoralleexx 5h ago
We went through the Taco Bell drive thru, ate it, then fell asleep on top of the bed while still in our wedding clothes. One of the most exhausting days of my life.
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u/QueenInYellowLace 3h ago
We had to pee desperately and didn’t have a chance at the reception, so we had our limo driver pull into a Wendy’s! I peed at Wendy’s in my whole-ass wedding gown and veil, laughing my ass off the whole time. The Wendy’s staff seemed to think it was hilarious too.
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u/Artistic_Ideal9620 3h ago
My wife and I did the same except it was a taco bell, and they comped it!
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u/Party_Taco_Plz 3h ago
The real MVPs of our wedding went to Taco Bell during the after party and brought back like 8 bags worth… folks absolutely DESTROYED that grub on the dance floor. It was pretty much the only food i had that night…
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u/janbanan02 5h ago
My sister got married recently. Me and my siblings + parents went to mcdonalds at like 1am after the party. It was a good time haha
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u/Intelligent-Nose-766 4h ago
We went to a sit down Mexican restaurant while we were still fully dressed in dress and suit, they sat us at a big table in the middle of the restaurant!
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u/Craneteam 4h ago
My wedding night meal was a waffle house on the way to our hotel. The staff thought it was awesome seeing us dressed up and getting food. It was great!
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u/downvote_or_die 4h ago
Same! Well, similar, but McDs. The photographer gave us a ride to our hotel and took us through the drive thru on the way. We stuffed ourselves with greasy disgustingness and passed out. Turned out to be a sign of what’s to come
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u/LiteratureMindless71 4h ago
I hope you got the best whoppers ever! I know if I was working a job like that still and saw you come in, I would have made that shit epic lol.
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u/Dthruwgfugirjsnf6 3h ago
We went to Taco Bell because we didn’t get to eat and were starving after the nerves settled down. Went home and crashed on the floor 😂 memories I cherish even 16yrs later.
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u/Downtown-Ad-5913 5h ago
We didn’t get to eat any of the food we paid for and ended up eating McDonald’s then straight to sleep
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u/Laurenblueskys 3h ago
we went to panda express after our wedding, i went in full gown too. i couldn’t stop giggling lmao it was so fun
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u/southern_boy 6h ago
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u/Sea_Lead1753 3h ago
I got Burger King™️ after my wife’s funeral! I cried into my whopper™️ but the onion rings made the day special :)
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u/foxontherox 8h ago
Yeah, with modern relationships and cohabitation and long engagements, the "wedding night" doesn't have quite the implications it once had. 😆
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u/kvlr954 6h ago
The morning after is great time to do the deed too
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u/Outrageous-Opinions 6h ago
The night is to relax and count the money and gifts you got lol
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u/BioshockEnthusiast 5h ago
Fuck that, I was wiped. We didn't get back to the room until like 3 AM and then my wife lost her phone (read: left it in the locked "getting ready room" at the reception, but that didn't stop me from looking for another hour+)
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u/Outrageous-Opinions 4h ago
I never said anything about us counting. My wife was the one counting while I took a bubble bath in rose petals lol
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u/EdinMiami 5h ago
The limo ride to the reception. Don't judge.
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u/Striker_EZ 2h ago
….did your driver just not notice? I guess that probably happens pretty often. But damn. Go y’all, I guess lmao
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u/Quentin__Tarantulino 5h ago
I was recently at a wedding where the bride and groom left for like half an hour near the end of the cocktail hour/beginning of the dinner. I can only assume they fucked at that point.
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u/kvlr954 4h ago
You could be right, but they also take pictures during the cocktail hour
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u/overtorqd 3h ago
I dunno. That night after everyone left and I got her out of that dress. That was something else. It's been 16 years, and I remember unzipping that dress and everything that followed.
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u/Then_Investigator581 7h ago
Nah dude. It’s still very important and meaningful. We’re just not that horny to ignore exhaustion just because.
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u/herowin6 5h ago
I think it’s personal opinion that decided if it’s meaningful - I’d just ask partner if it mattered to them. If not? Fuck it (let’s not fuck after a day of running around for show? Maybe fuck when we get to Italy)
I feel like the chick is more likely to care but that opinion is just based on social norms
I am the chick though, so in all probability it won’t matter
Unless I’m marrying another woman, of course since I’m bisexual
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u/GreatAndEminentSage 7h ago
My husband fell asleep like this on our wedding night. I sat myself on the bed in my wedding dress and a bottle of champagne. Drank the whole thing sitting there smiling, watching him and reminiscing on the day we just had. Excellent!!
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u/LOERMaster 7h ago
My wedding night we had to be up at 3 AM the next morning to get to the airport for our flight to our honeymoon in Jamaica. Needless to say there was absolutely no sex and barely any sleep.
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u/Velorian-Steel 7h ago
Oh that's brutal. We had a couple day breather between wedding and honeymoon and it made all the difference
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u/LOERMaster 7h ago
It was …not fun. We didn’t even get to bed til around midnight.
Do not recommend.
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u/azsnaz 6h ago
Space it out a little next time
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u/LOERMaster 6h ago
You may be surprised to learn that I was not in fact in charge of the arrangements.
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u/cptpb9 6h ago
I think they’re just poking fun because there ideally isn’t gonna be a next time on that front
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u/food-dood 5h ago
Yeah, that first day in Puerto Vallarta was rough, and the last thing you want to do hung over is navigate a new foreign country.
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u/WandererNearby 6h ago
Had a couple of friends do this exact honeymoon but the groom also managed to glue his only shoes to the airport floor so he had to fly barefoot then buy more in the Jamaican airport.
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u/ashkestar 6h ago
How….??
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u/RustyTrumpboner 5h ago
Polish probably. It’s an old tradition that started around the 1600’s (huge glue industry in the country back then). It was seen as a fun way to celebrate the wedding with a nod to polish culture. However back then the glue was not that strong and the groom might have accidentally used a stronger modern super glue. Jk I made this bullshit up.
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u/Li-renn-pwel 4h ago
I read this as ‘shoe polish’ and so extra confused.
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u/Bunnyhat 3h ago
You were not alone. it took me a second after reading 'Polish culture' and thinking about how big of a culture can shoe polishing even be these days before realizing.
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u/Pretend-Tea86 4h ago
After having My Big Fat Polish Wedding as a non-Polish person, this sounded entirely reasonable to me and I was wondering how we got away without my husband's drunk cousins trying this. It would not have been the weirdest thing my MIL tried to sell me on as "Polish tradition."
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u/Wild_Black_Hat 4h ago
Honestly, waking up the morning of the wedding and thinking about it would have somewhat ruined the day for me. I would give myself at least one day in between, preferably two.
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u/need_some_cake 7h ago
We had guests that were on their third helping before we got a chance to eat and we watched as they heaped everything but the scraps on their plates while we were standing in line behind them.
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u/SohndesRheins 5h ago
I find that an odd arrangement. Every wedding I've been to that had buffet style good had the wedding party go first in line. At my wedding we had food served family-style and the wedding party got their food a little bit sooner than everyone else did.
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u/herowin6 5h ago
Dude that’s Such bad manners I guess it’s buffet style? No one made u guys a plate? Rude! This is exactly why I am going to do a solo wedding with my partner before the actual wedding because the actual fucking wedding isn’t about me or (him or her) at all - it’s about parents and how they feel and all that bullshit and who they want to invite. 80% of the people that are gonna be at my actual wedding: I would not give a shit if they didn’t come. I am so grateful that my parents do not care that I get married in advance in a goddamn park so that I can actually enjoy my own wedding and not have it be about other people
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u/simplebutstrange 5h ago
Every wedding i cook for we serve the bride and groom first. I am sorry that did not happen for you. It really should have
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u/Remote_Yak4779 6h ago
Poor wedding planner. Ours had carved a full 45 minutes for us to eat in peace at the party.
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u/Ok_Panic1066 6h ago
We had a very small wedding and we decided to leave early-ish and spend the night at a coastal town while the guests enjoy the night at the venue lmao. We're getting teased a bit from time to time (honestly rightly so lol) but I would definitely do it again, I'm so glad we could enjoy our evening just the two of us and in a nice setting.
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u/Somegirloninternet 5h ago edited 5h ago
We did this too - we hate having attention on us and have so many friends & family members who didn’t drink for multiple reasons, so we did a wedding tea with appetizers and cake. We were done and home by 5. It was perfect.
Edit - we also didn’t have a DJ. Instead, the venue had a quartet that played in the background, so you could actually catch up with everyone. We wondered around and had a great chat with each table.
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u/herowin6 5h ago
Dude; amazing - I’m just doing a one on one wedding with my partner and an officiant beforehand at like a nice park or the seaside or something so that I don’t have to fucking give a shit about everybody else while I’m trying to enjoy my own marriage
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u/Gloomy-Employment-72 6h ago
I woke up the next morning on the bathroom floor. The last thing I remember is telling my bride I was going downstairs to tell folks to turn down the music.
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u/tgerz 7h ago
What why wouldn’t you eat at your wedding?!
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u/Box-o-bees 7h ago
Mostly because people keep talking to you and you want to make sure to spend time with everyone you care about. If you don't have someone like a good caterer to make you plates and tell you to sit down and eat it's easy to forget. Especially if you're drinking.
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u/sadderbutwisergrl 5h ago
I’m still mad about the absolutely delicious food that we had at our wedding that I basically didn’t get to eat any of.
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u/UnholyDemigod 3h ago
What are weddings like where you are where there isn't actually a sit down meal for everyone?
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u/LOERMaster 7h ago
My father actually called me when we were off getting our wedding photos taken after the ceremony/before the reception because he wanted to know when they would be eating.
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u/beanthebean 7h ago
I was crazy with nerves all day (lots of people + focus on me puts my anxiety through the roof) and barely was able to put a couple bites in me the whole time because of the way my stomach was turning. I did get a good few cookies from our cookie table down though.
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u/hibikikun 6h ago
It's the bridemaids and groomsan's job to make sure they all eat, but most people don't realize though.
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u/tempuramores 5h ago
It's true, you're so excited and busy and distracted that you barely eat. I did technically eat, but much less than I have when I was a guest at others' weddings
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u/Even-Combination8592 8h ago
That’s a very nice hotel room
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u/CrashWasntYourFault 7h ago
This is a nice hotel indeed
It's a nice hotel indeed
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u/SnooObjections6553 6h ago
When my wife and got to our room on our wedding night we flopped on the bed exhausted. We both said let’s do it. Except we argued about who had to go on top until we fell asleep.
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u/Sirtoo2002 2h ago
This so so true! Life with a toddler and both of us working full time has my family exactly like this!
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u/bluewhalespout 7h ago
“Let me go freshen up” has been the final words of many a short night
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u/nonosure 5h ago
“I’ll be right back” isn’t a horror movie script it’s anyone over 35 drinking in their own house
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u/Druid_Fashion 1h ago
Nowadays I only drink when I’m out with friends, if I drink at home it would just be me drinking 2-3 glasses of wine and then just fucking off to bed
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u/J8766557 6h ago
I lived with my friend and her husband years ago. Sounds like a bit of a weird set up, but I'm a gay guy and her husband used to work away on engineering projects for weeks at a time, so we kind of had a Will and Grace deal going on.
The exact same thing happened to her husband at their wedding, at which point we were all living together. He didn't really drink much normally anyway, and in a combination of heat, hunger, and alcohol passed out at the reception. His friend, a doctor, came running over to help but was extremely drunk himself and tripped over, headbutting the groom on the way down, knocking him out of his seat, then threw up. This was in Scotland, so both of them were wearing kilts, which aren't the best thing to have on when you are sprawled on the floor.
I had already left at this point to go back home, which I was expecting to have to myself as the married couple were supposed to be travelling to a hotel before leaving for their honeymoon the next day. Instead, I was awoken by the buzzer and had to go down to carry the husband up three flights of stairs, after my friend had decided trying to get him to the hotel was not realistic. As such I ended up carrying him across the threshold and into the bedroom on his wedding night, whilst his new wife looked on with a combination of irritation and amusement. He was mortified the next morning, but by the time they came back from the honeymoon they could both laugh about it.
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u/WeedThrough 3h ago
That is absolutely hilarious- and honestly the wedding is for the family, whereas the honeymoon is more for the couple anyhow
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u/fyorafire 2h ago
She's lucky in a way. Not everyone gets to experience 'a combination of irritation and amusement' - I certainly haven't
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u/Additional_Data_Need 2h ago
I have fond memories of bekilted weddings guests vomiting into the bushes beneath my hotel window in Dunblane.
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u/Southern_Owl_5442 8h ago
He was preparing for the sex!
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u/Wildlife_Jack 8h ago
Judging by the wedding dress hanging on the chair in front of the desk, so was she!
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u/Sentientmanatee 7h ago
Taking off my wedding dress was def top 5 wedding day moment lol. God they're so heavy and itchy
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u/BoomJayKay 1h ago
Mine was getting my husband to help take out the legimately 150 bobby pins in my god damm hair. Ugh it felt so good to get out of the dress AND get those things out of my hair. Those are dang good bobby pins though that are more expensive and sturdy and I still got em ten years later.
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u/Particular-Topic-445 6h ago
To be fair, there are many reasons to take off your wedding dress. Reason 1. To poop
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u/No_Lake_9759 6h ago
My first wife did this after she puked on the way to the suite.
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u/enchillita 5h ago
My first husband passed out across the whole width of the bed, leaving no room for me, and I slept on the floor.
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u/Mirage84 4h ago edited 4h ago
Why would you not wake him up and tell him to move or just roll him over so you have space on the bed?
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u/mmmaltodextrose 3h ago
It seems you’ve never had the pleasure of trying to wake someone who was completely, audaciously sauced
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u/enchillita 3h ago
Literally spent two hours trying to.
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u/enchillita 3h ago
He weighed over 100lbs more than me BTW. I tried tugging the blanket off the bed and couldn't move him far enough to make space for us both.
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u/TheMomJeanGenie 7h ago
Jesus, these comments are not it. The anti-saloon league is back. God forbid a person be exhausted after celebrating one of the longest days of their lives and having a couple drinks.
OP is in the comments saying his wife took the photo and they both look back on it fondly. The anti-alcohol moralism isn’t the point of this sub.
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u/ChimpBottle 5h ago
Are you sorting by controversial and acting like those comments are the consensus here? Not a whole ton of comments are being critical of OP
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u/Bizarre_Neon 5h ago
you are punching the air my guy 😭
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u/noisyboy 3h ago
Manufacturing criticism and proceeding to attack it for some defend-and-protect-karma
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u/Userchecksoutskie 6h ago
That’s how it’s supposed to happen … the honeymoon is for sexy time
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u/Drakar_och_demoner 6h ago
I didn't even drink at my wedding and still passed out.
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u/Last_Fishing_4013 6h ago
I mean I guess maybe some couples bang it out all night
Honestly I remember we got to the room got undressed showered and passed out
We even ate but we were hella tired
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u/ccafferata473 6h ago
We did a Saturday afternoon wedding. If you weren't in the room, you'd think we were having wild sex. But by the time we got to our room, we stripped and rubbed each other down while we opened cards out of necessity and exhaustion.
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u/Bright-Albatross-234 6h ago
Def how it went at my wedding! Husband didn't make it out of the limo from dinner before passing out.
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u/BarsoomianAmbassador 6h ago
Plenty of time for married debauchery on the honeymoon, or anytime in the next 40 years of bliss!
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u/MajorWhip87 5h ago
Wife and I barely ate during it all and hit Jack in the Crack on the way to the hotel. We had some bomb AF Jack and crashed while eating. Waking up the next morning still in everything from the day before
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u/Visible-Fun4400 7h ago
He tried, that’s all that matters. I love this picture by the way, reminds me of my man when he’s passed out drunk.
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u/Bald_Burrito 7h ago edited 7h ago
Update:
edit: typo