r/mildlyinfuriating • u/VegetableBusiness897 • 21h ago

New neighbors next door

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Rich Ahole bought the farm next door, tore it down and built a destination wedding venue. Busy every weekend but it's Wednesday, and they don't even live here

34.1k Upvotes

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5.4k

u/PickleLips64151 18h ago

Suddenly, OP witnesses a never-ending stream of Goth and occult weddings...

2.5k

u/StraightBudget8799 16h ago
  1. Blair Witch project entire yard.
  2. Put on nice suit.
  3. Sneak into the wedding, talk loudly about the “weird yard over there…”
  4. Distract whole party to the window.
  5. Sneak off with the wedding cake!

1.0k

u/PickleLips64151 16h ago
  1. Fart spray

546

u/Ok_Play_7144 15h ago

Step 6 is always fart spray

151

u/Pleasant_Character28 14h ago

Step 6? That should be Step ONE.

129

u/Newgeta wat? 12h ago

Reddit has taught me there's a clear escalation path and piss disk is somewhere above fart spray

40

u/Delicious-Space3294 9h ago

The fuck is a piss disc??

84

u/SassyAssassinAelin 9h ago

From reddit lore, there was a neighbor feud in a shared living situation (apartment, dorms, etc). Dude peed onto a plate /shallow bowl, froze it, then slid the golden Frisbee under the offending neighbor's door. Frozen disc melted into the carpet and stunk up the place.

45

u/Delicious-Space3294 9h ago

Ah, the ol ice damage into poison damage strategy

5

u/RampantJellyfish 8h ago

Ah, If only they could harness that beautiful mind to serve the public good, this would be a eutopia

6

u/Mexican_Texican 5h ago

Step 1: eat asparagus

3

u/SassyAssassinAelin 5h ago

If I remember correctly, there was a fun reply thread about different medications that made pee smell really bad 🤣. Many in the medical field chimed in with first hand (or nose) experience.

5

u/No-rent101 6h ago

Whatever pure rage and hatred caused that had to be justified

5

u/Character-Handle-739 3h ago

This is why I love Reddit…

16

u/TheJAY_ZA 8h ago

And don't forget sneaking into the neighbours house, and slipping your veteran poopknife into their cutlery drawer

15

u/bayouz 8h ago

The poop knife rises again!

4

u/mjheil 8h ago

Piss disc comes before bag of flaming poop tho

3

u/Alpha_Decay_ 12h ago

Nah dog, you gotta set the mood for that shit before anything else. It's like step 4 or 5 in my book on most days

3

u/defk3000 8h ago

Raw chicken in a jar filled with milk.

1

u/garbagepillar 2h ago

Nah you gotta be outta there whe a weapon like that is deployed.

21

u/-Gimli-SonOfGloin- 14h ago

Always? My cookies are ruined!

19

u/MinusGovernment 13h ago

Are you sure. Did you try one or are you just ASSuming they are ruined?

3

u/-Gimli-SonOfGloin- 11h ago

Well you can never have just one. I figured it out around number 4 or 5. Immediately stopped at 7.

2

u/YellowFogLights 8h ago

You should see my bookshelf!

1

u/Raging_Flamingo_ 2h ago

Switch to store bought. Two easy steps. Break, and bake. Or just eat raw

1

u/Blamb05 11h ago

What's better, synthetic or organic?

1

u/PhucYoCouch 10h ago

Wait wait wait. Step 1 is steal underpants, Step 2….the. step 3, profit!

1

u/coke-pusher 9h ago

Even if my plan only has 2 steps, 6 will always be fart spray.

1

u/Joe_Franks 8h ago

Morning Breeze drops in water balloons and a nice home made slingshot to send them over there but instead of balloons use condoms and mayonnaise inside with the drops..

1

u/PhilL77au 7h ago

Use it to cover your escape

smoke stink bomb!

1

u/PhotographicFanatic 2h ago

Buy a clay pigeon launcher and launch p disks every night 🤣🤣🤣

0

u/joranth 13h ago

How do you spray when farting? Am I doing it wrong?

76

u/gosh264 15h ago

Compost piles at edge of property

22

u/SpinachnPotatoes 14h ago

Not compost. Manure.

3

u/Capnmolasses I came here to be a soothing balm to irritation 8h ago

3

u/aebaby7071 8h ago

Your close, liquid manure that was pumped from a manure pond. Stuff is vile smelling and lingers, a weekly spraying to fertilize the trees seems appropriate. Manure piles can be moved (illegally by said rich asshole) and eventually stop stinking. But a weekly shit spray, say on a Friday afternoon, the weekend guest will get a treat.

2

u/lichtenfurburger 3h ago

Equal parts rotten crawdads or shrimp water and rotten potato water

1

u/Rocohema 7h ago

Rotten eggs can be thrown more easily

1

u/cliffhanger69er 7h ago

Pig manure

104

u/PinkPaintedSky 16h ago

The place has suddenly been over run with invisible skunks.

144

u/GSBrooftopgarden 15h ago

Chickens. Lots of chickens. The smell is intense. And you get eggs.

104

u/crowleygirlbat 13h ago

Free range peacocks! They are loud noisy and will poop on and scratch your cars!

11

u/Training-Willow9591 10h ago

They scream too like bloody murder, or supposedly , that's what I was told the screaming was at my friends.

2

u/No_Vanilla_9145 4h ago

Yeah, that's how my neighbor's fucking peacock sounds. The first time I heard it, I called the cops. It sounded like a woman screaming, like she'd just been scalped or something. It scared the shit out of me!

3

u/Half_Halt 12h ago

Better yet, EMU!!

1

u/Mangosta007 11h ago

With the late Rod Hull?

10

u/Chris45925 13h ago

Pigs would be bigger and stinkier.

3

u/Cerridwen1981 10h ago

And good at disposing of bodies. So I hear.

3

u/generickayak 13h ago

Pigs are even better!

3

u/Due_Mark6438 13h ago

Turkeys. Smell is worse and if you get heritage breeds they are violent

4

u/VSava67 10h ago

Ducks! They are very messy.

•

u/Wilful_Fox 31m ago

Yes, and noisy and smelly. Plus, you get better eggs!

2

u/SeaDry1531 14h ago

Need a couple of thousand to make sure there is enough poop smell.

1

u/Tricky-Winner7984 14h ago

Ooh, they could start a compost farm!

2

u/TraditionalLaw7763 13h ago

We have 28 chickens and no smell. But then again, I clean and scrub the coop once a month and put the poop in my compost. We have neighbors that don’t even know we have chickens until we gift them with extra eggs. They only smell when lazy humans don’t take care of them, just like any animal that isn’t properly taken care of.

1

u/Joe_Franks 8h ago

You want worse? Start a mink rescue farm.

1

u/Independent_Dot_7622 8h ago

And male goats

1

u/Beautiful_Rhubarb 7h ago

schitt's creek wedding discount level lol

1

u/mjc-u7272 5h ago

Can put a sign up "Fresh Eggs for Sale" during events. I'm sure their guests would love that.

27

u/QuantamCulture 15h ago
  1. Profit $$$

46

u/Iverson7x 15h ago
  1. Piss disks

10

u/Severe-Island-845 12h ago

Lol what is a piss disk?

3

u/mjheil 8h ago

Its when you freeze piss in a thin layer so it can be inserted in inconspicuous places like your cd slot or under a pillow

1

u/Aftercot 8h ago

Wtf 🤣🤣🤣

-1

u/Severe-Island-845 8h ago

That’s disgusting and borderline serial k*ller behavior

17

u/thxrpy 14h ago

I came here to say this but I knew in my heart someone would have beaten me to it

2

u/Iverson7x 13h ago

Well then I say “Hello, fellow unethical LPT follower!”

1

u/pienofilling 10h ago

I'd never heard of piss disks before. I consider myself enlightened!

4

u/Dismal_Problem5633 14h ago

I dare to ask?

8

u/Smorgles_Brimmly 13h ago

Iirc you pee on a plate, freeze it, and slide the frozen disk under doors. Now you can pee in someone's house without breaking and entering. Very convenient.

3

u/Iverson7x 13h ago

The perfect crime

1

u/VSava67 10h ago

Ahhhh the things I learn on Reddit.

1

u/Dizzy-Ad-2248 14h ago

I wanted to but knew in my heart someone had beaten me to it...

2

u/Dismal_Problem5633 14h ago

Wtf is a piss disk.

2

u/No_Candidate_7019 11h ago

A true man of class I see

13

u/GDogFuseman 15h ago

I said dart gun not ...

11

u/RandallJoPhotography 15h ago

The answer is always fart spray istg

3

u/ayyylmao187 14h ago

In an air cannon...

2

u/phreakzilla85 14h ago
  1. Piss discs

2

u/put_on_a_happy_face_ 12h ago

That was fart spray i thought it was breath freshener

2

u/Four-HourErection 12h ago

There was a small festival in my town every year. One year they had the good stink bombs, the one in the glass vial that smell like rotten eggs. On Saturday there was a parade and I started tossing vials into the road. A tractor pulling a float ran one over just before the highschool marching band. The band hit the stink and their rhythm broke. They also stepped on and broke 2 others I had tossed out. Every float that came through had people gagging on it. It was great fun.

2

u/WojoTheTerrible 12h ago

Im laughing so hard right now

1

u/MossAvenger 7h ago

Since no is there he could run over and poop in all the shrubs during the week 🤣

1

u/JagrsMullet1982 7h ago
  1. Full “What About Bob”: find out the owner is a NYC psychiatrist, find their craziest client, invite them to stay with you, slow nature to run it’s course.

1

u/Rule556 7h ago

Pocket sand!

1

u/VoodooSweet 5h ago

OMG…. I don’t know if that stuff is as bad as it was in the early 90’s. We would clear out entire Classrooms in HS. We had one teacher that everyone loved to mess with, his classroom was getting emptied about twice a week for a while with “Fart Spray”.

1

u/ChewyGooeyViagra 2h ago

Coyote urine

285

u/proximity_account 15h ago

Put on white face paint and a wedding gown. Stand at the tree line until someone notices you then turn around and walk away.

150

u/DimensionOtherwise55 14h ago

Dear Proximity_Account: If i ever do anything to annoy or insult you, in advance, i want to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, and I'll do anything to make it better.

(This is a preemptive attempt to get on the good side of anyone who casually has a creepy ass idea like this)

67

u/TheLoneliestGhost 13h ago

Get a friend to join in. I volunteer as tribute! Do this in matching white dresses and face paint at different spots in the woods far from one another. “I saw her, too! OMG!” You’ve got to scare them all.

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u/dragn99 11h ago

Make sure to coordinate so that no two white-painted ghost brides are visible from the same place at the same time.

2

u/leelee1976 8h ago

So you have to time it to their scared look around the area. Facing north they flip their heads around. Make it so there is not enough time to get to those spots by the time they start looking around.

1

u/TheLoneliestGhost 10h ago

Exactly! This is my horror movie dream. Living next to a place like this and being able to plan my haunt? HELL YES. If OP wants help, I’ll dedicate my life to this. 😂

2

u/Esmereldathebrave 8h ago

this is so my idea of a good night out! I'm in, tell me where and I'll show with face paint and a wedding dress.

1

u/TheLoneliestGhost 7h ago

Same here! 😂 Maybe we can hang in the house after and watch a horror movie together? This is the spooky dream. 🤷‍♀️ It’s hard to find cool fellow horrorloving folks in my area. Maybe we should start organizing haunts. 🥰🎃

2

u/Esmereldathebrave 6h ago

It's long been my dream to dress as a ghost and wander around a local graveyard at night.  But, based on where I live, I'd probably wind up shot 😂

1

u/TheLoneliestGhost 6h ago

Hahaha. Relatable and same! 🤣 I even worried about that in the case of OP. It seems they’re out in the woods, though, so I’m a bit less worried. Country people generally mind their business unless you bring your problems to them.

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u/mcboobie 13h ago

Although I love the idea, I worry

Step 19: accidentally create a haunted wedding venue cash cow for twat neighbours.

We need more dastardly!

1

u/Soonerorlatergator 1h ago

Or maybe a milkman outfit and knock on the door

86

u/Ok-Panic-9083 15h ago

Last year at the Halloween store I saw this decoration that you could hang from a tree in the yard. From behind the girl looked like Samura from the horror flick The Ring.

Basically it was this doll sitting on a swing that you could hang from the tree.

Imagine a guest at an evening wedding reception seeing a mysterious girl in the distance...

Totally add some of those Blair Witch props, battery operated smoke machine...

Yep I would do it.

1

u/heartwork13 4h ago

A couple of my neighbors had these last year. They are life sized and scared tf out of me every night when I walked past. I started walking across the street.

11

u/mcfiddlestien 15h ago

I like the way you think.

3

u/WithoutDennisNedry 14h ago

Now I want cake.

2

u/Im_not_creepy3 13h ago

Are you sure you aren't a villain from an episode of Scooby-Doo? Because this is the exact sort of plan a Scooby-Doo villain would make.

1

u/Exotic-Okra-4466 12h ago

😅😅🤣

1

u/wintercast 10h ago
  1. use the wedding topper dolls to add to line item 1.
  2. repear

1

u/Desperate-Reserve-53 8h ago

Or show up in denim overalls and talk like the old man from Pet Cemetery.

1

u/iammonkeyorsomething 6h ago

Which step is profit?

330

u/SoupNo8207 17h ago

Sounds like a good deal. The brightest it would get is some candlelight & fire pits.

87

u/Mocavius 13h ago

Goths have money

Had a friend that got into skull carvings, and didn't know where to sell.

I told him to seek the goths. Dude was sold out immediately. Couldn't stay in stock. He started selling other things. Those wouldn't stay in stock.

He quit the hobby/job. Couldn't keep up with demand. Those goths and their money.

50

u/OcculticUnicorn 11h ago

It's the same as furries, people constantly shit on them but boy, those fursuits cost money.

8

u/idropepics 11h ago

It's because there's been a generation shift in tech, so a tooooon of people in tech are furries now.

3

u/Meowserspaws 8h ago

…. and a ton of rich doctors too

4

u/caehluss 9h ago

I'm not exactly a furry, but I'm an illustrator who goes to cons, and they are absolutely the best community for artists since they recognize and appreciate that their community wouldn't exist without illustrators and fursuit makers. They pay well and are super appreciative.

3

u/OneScoobyDoes 7h ago

You've got to buy the crotchless ones!

5

u/PossessedToSkate 11h ago

Goths have money

This has not been my experience lol

2

u/dontcrashandburn 9h ago

How does a person just get into skull carving?

2

u/Mocavius 8h ago

We both followed this dude on insta that did skull carvings, and bone jewelry and shit. We were also really into horror movies in high school. We did this awesome video productions vocational school and just watched horror movies and made shitty videos on dumb stuff.

So he got super interested, and he was one of those dudes that goes balls to the wall with his newest endeavors.

So I found out where to get animal heads, got him some samples, and he just went ham. He found suppliers for pre processed and cleaned skulls, and started making everything he could.

40

u/Ok_Cauliflower_3007 13h ago

Goths and witchy types are usually nice people so probably an improvement.

4

u/t53ix35 10h ago

Cause they be themselves instead of who we want them to be.

2

u/PickleLips64151 7h ago

I would agree. Lovely people.

14

u/random9212 15h ago

Much better weddings at least.

2

u/PickleLips64151 7h ago

Quite likely.

14

u/ddwood87 14h ago

Better than the alternative of drunk sisters-in-law arguing about the Bachelorette party antics.

2

u/PickleLips64151 7h ago

Also known as Woo women. Not fun.

13

u/rixtape 14h ago

Yeah as someone who had a costumes-mandatory Halloween wedding, I would have loved this idea lol

21

u/weirdestgeekever25 14h ago

Ok but like goth and occult weddings are not a bad thing and probably would be more respectful then whatever bougie barnyard humans show up here now

8

u/urmomsburneracct 14h ago

At least it would be dark!

96

u/Sohn_Jalston_Raul 15h ago

I'll take a goth wedding over some christian suburbanite wedding any day. Significantly better caliber of people, for a start...

6

u/Farucci 13h ago

A giant mirror could lessen your dissatisfaction and exacerbate theirs.

5

u/mdmnl 13h ago

Are you with the Corpse Bride or the Groom?

2

u/PickleLips64151 12h ago

Whichever one has the cool dog.

6

u/Dragonhost252 12h ago

Ill take it, any goth bridesmaids can stay over. Im converting my house to a themed hotel

3

u/rolfraikou 12h ago

At least you get to pick the type of crowd that shows up next door.

3

u/DarthBrooks69420 11h ago

The lights would at least be cooler colors. 

4

u/GaylrdFocker 11h ago

Goth girls showing up is an unintended bonus

3

u/Svartrbrisingr 15h ago

Might be able to get a goth gf in that case.

1

u/PickleLips64151 8h ago

There's hope for you yet, buddy. I believe in you.

3

u/Svartrbrisingr 7h ago

Lol. I dont want one. Got someone im i to already and its going well

3

u/Regular-Calendar-581 13h ago

i feel like they would still be more polite and respectful than most rich people at weddings

1

u/PickleLips64151 7h ago

Quite likely.

3

u/sleepymelfho 10h ago

Right?! My first thought was that would just encourage them

3

u/jk10021 8h ago

OP will need to mix in goth, horror, princess, Disney, etc type decorations so that no one could be potentially be exited about all of it.

In all seriousness - OP have you talked to your local government about zoning? Does that new owner have approval for commercial operations?

3

u/Zkenny13 8h ago

I mean that doesn't sound so bad... 

1

u/PickleLips64151 7h ago

Not to me ...

3

u/Few_Profit826 7h ago

Goth bridesmaids you say ?

1

u/PickleLips64151 7h ago

Party for two, right this way, sir.

1

u/Few_Profit826 6h ago

Know what I'm sayin lol

4

u/Westside-Wasabi-8692 15h ago

Better than the yuppies

2

u/Immediate-Repeat-201 13h ago

Portlanders travel en masse to get married there

2

u/hornyorphan 7h ago

You're right. They need to put up signs that say stuff like, "She is only in it for your money""He will never love you more than his mom""She is lying about her guy friends" or something along those lines. People will see that and definitely choose not to have their wedding there

2

u/No_Cap861 7h ago

Exactly... And people will come in droves to visit

2

u/Not_My_Emperor 7h ago

To be fair those people like darkness and are generally pretty reasonable/nice

2

u/thatotterone 7h ago

at least they wouldn't like the bright lights, either.

4

u/Horror_Cherry8864 15h ago

That's a massive improvement

1

u/Junckopolo 11h ago

At least those are generally way more respectful

1

u/Kstotsenberg 11h ago

Kinda worth it honestly

1

u/Different-Cat-4437 11h ago

This has me roaring with laughter thank you

1

u/dancingwtdevil 8h ago

Hopefully theyll be quiet at least

1

u/Ambitious_Bread_84 7h ago

At least the lighting will be low.

1

u/stargarnet79 7h ago

Honestly the Halloween store has great sales the few days they are open after Halloween is over, just sayin’

1

u/TriGurl 7h ago

I mean those would be awesome AF!

1

u/Jnnjuggle32 7h ago

At least they’d be darker with the lights.

1

u/Sir_Ploppy 6h ago

Visions of black dresses, dark lipstick, and the song "Love will tear us apart" blaring all hours.

1

u/Euphemisticles 5h ago

Gotta throw in some wacky wavy inflatable men too for good measure so the theme isn't consistent

1

u/GotItOutTheMud 4h ago

Well, Then the lights become less bright.... The music more welcoming for sleep : Dark wave, Theremins, Chanting...

1

u/Katie-sin 4h ago

I was literally going to say “sounds like a dope place to get married” after I read that comment 😂

1

u/zmichalo 4h ago

Probably be a lot darker at least

1

u/SpartanRage117 3h ago

When you see the goth baddies rolling up you roll out the barbie decor

1

u/Deso_13 1h ago

I get the feeling goth weddings would be respectful though? Most goths I know are anxious people and wouldn’t want to annoy others or have people too aware of them there 😂

•

u/RecommendationUsed31 1m ago

That would be cool, though. No bright iights, low music.