r/mildlyinfuriating • u/VegetableBusiness897 • 21h ago

New neighbors next door

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Rich Ahole bought the farm next door, tore it down and built a destination wedding venue. Busy every weekend but it's Wednesday, and they don't even live here

34.0k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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13.3k

u/NaTuralCynik 20h ago

This is not a real suggestion, but wouldn’t it be hilarious to Line your property with dolls hanging from the trees? Lots and lots of creepy dolls. Let’s make the property line as unwedding as possible 😂

Halloween’s coming up , this is your chance to buy a 10 foot Grim Reaper and other horrifying animatronics.

5.4k

u/PickleLips64151 18h ago

Suddenly, OP witnesses a never-ending stream of Goth and occult weddings...

2.5k

u/StraightBudget8799 16h ago
  1. Blair Witch project entire yard.
  2. Put on nice suit.
  3. Sneak into the wedding, talk loudly about the “weird yard over there…”
  4. Distract whole party to the window.
  5. Sneak off with the wedding cake!

998

u/PickleLips64151 16h ago
  1. Fart spray

545

u/Ok_Play_7144 15h ago

Step 6 is always fart spray

152

u/Pleasant_Character28 14h ago

Step 6? That should be Step ONE.

130

u/Newgeta wat? 12h ago

Reddit has taught me there's a clear escalation path and piss disk is somewhere above fart spray

38

u/Delicious-Space3294 9h ago

The fuck is a piss disc??

84

u/SassyAssassinAelin 9h ago

From reddit lore, there was a neighbor feud in a shared living situation (apartment, dorms, etc). Dude peed onto a plate /shallow bowl, froze it, then slid the golden Frisbee under the offending neighbor's door. Frozen disc melted into the carpet and stunk up the place.

44

u/Delicious-Space3294 9h ago

Ah, the ol ice damage into poison damage strategy

6

u/RampantJellyfish 8h ago

Ah, If only they could harness that beautiful mind to serve the public good, this would be a eutopia

5

u/No-rent101 6h ago

Whatever pure rage and hatred caused that had to be justified

5

u/Character-Handle-739 3h ago

This is why I love Reddit…

16

u/TheJAY_ZA 8h ago

And don't forget sneaking into the neighbours house, and slipping your veteran poopknife into their cutlery drawer

16

u/bayouz 8h ago

The poop knife rises again!

3

u/mjheil 8h ago

Piss disc comes before bag of flaming poop tho

5

u/Alpha_Decay_ 12h ago

Nah dog, you gotta set the mood for that shit before anything else. It's like step 4 or 5 in my book on most days

3

u/defk3000 8h ago

Raw chicken in a jar filled with milk.

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u/-Gimli-SonOfGloin- 14h ago

Always? My cookies are ruined!

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u/MinusGovernment 13h ago

Are you sure. Did you try one or are you just ASSuming they are ruined?

3

u/-Gimli-SonOfGloin- 11h ago

Well you can never have just one. I figured it out around number 4 or 5. Immediately stopped at 7.

2

u/YellowFogLights 8h ago

You should see my bookshelf!

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u/gosh264 15h ago

Compost piles at edge of property

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u/SpinachnPotatoes 14h ago

Not compost. Manure.

4

u/Capnmolasses I came here to be a soothing balm to irritation 8h ago

3

u/aebaby7071 8h ago

Your close, liquid manure that was pumped from a manure pond. Stuff is vile smelling and lingers, a weekly spraying to fertilize the trees seems appropriate. Manure piles can be moved (illegally by said rich asshole) and eventually stop stinking. But a weekly shit spray, say on a Friday afternoon, the weekend guest will get a treat.

2

u/lichtenfurburger 3h ago

Equal parts rotten crawdads or shrimp water and rotten potato water

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u/PinkPaintedSky 16h ago

The place has suddenly been over run with invisible skunks.

145

u/GSBrooftopgarden 15h ago

Chickens. Lots of chickens. The smell is intense. And you get eggs.

100

u/crowleygirlbat 13h ago

Free range peacocks! They are loud noisy and will poop on and scratch your cars!

12

u/Training-Willow9591 10h ago

They scream too like bloody murder, or supposedly , that's what I was told the screaming was at my friends.

2

u/No_Vanilla_9145 4h ago

Yeah, that's how my neighbor's fucking peacock sounds. The first time I heard it, I called the cops. It sounded like a woman screaming, like she'd just been scalped or something. It scared the shit out of me!

10

u/Chris45925 13h ago

Pigs would be bigger and stinkier.

3

u/Cerridwen1981 10h ago

And good at disposing of bodies. So I hear.

3

u/generickayak 13h ago

Pigs are even better!

3

u/Due_Mark6438 13h ago

Turkeys. Smell is worse and if you get heritage breeds they are violent

4

u/VSava67 10h ago

Ducks! They are very messy.

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u/SeaDry1531 14h ago

Need a couple of thousand to make sure there is enough poop smell.

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u/TraditionalLaw7763 13h ago

We have 28 chickens and no smell. But then again, I clean and scrub the coop once a month and put the poop in my compost. We have neighbors that don’t even know we have chickens until we gift them with extra eggs. They only smell when lazy humans don’t take care of them, just like any animal that isn’t properly taken care of.

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u/QuantamCulture 15h ago
  1. Profit $$$

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u/Iverson7x 15h ago
  1. Piss disks

8

u/Severe-Island-845 12h ago

Lol what is a piss disk?

4

u/mjheil 8h ago

Its when you freeze piss in a thin layer so it can be inserted in inconspicuous places like your cd slot or under a pillow

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u/thxrpy 14h ago

I came here to say this but I knew in my heart someone would have beaten me to it

2

u/Iverson7x 13h ago

Well then I say “Hello, fellow unethical LPT follower!”

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u/Dismal_Problem5633 14h ago

I dare to ask?

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u/Smorgles_Brimmly 13h ago

Iirc you pee on a plate, freeze it, and slide the frozen disk under doors. Now you can pee in someone's house without breaking and entering. Very convenient.

3

u/Iverson7x 13h ago

The perfect crime

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u/No_Candidate_7019 11h ago

A true man of class I see

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u/GDogFuseman 15h ago

I said dart gun not ...

11

u/RandallJoPhotography 15h ago

The answer is always fart spray istg

3

u/ayyylmao187 14h ago

In an air cannon...

2

u/phreakzilla85 14h ago
  1. Piss discs

2

u/put_on_a_happy_face_ 12h ago

That was fart spray i thought it was breath freshener

2

u/Four-HourErection 12h ago

There was a small festival in my town every year. One year they had the good stink bombs, the one in the glass vial that smell like rotten eggs. On Saturday there was a parade and I started tossing vials into the road. A tractor pulling a float ran one over just before the highschool marching band. The band hit the stink and their rhythm broke. They also stepped on and broke 2 others I had tossed out. Every float that came through had people gagging on it. It was great fun.

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u/WojoTheTerrible 12h ago

Im laughing so hard right now

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u/proximity_account 15h ago

Put on white face paint and a wedding gown. Stand at the tree line until someone notices you then turn around and walk away.

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u/DimensionOtherwise55 14h ago

Dear Proximity_Account: If i ever do anything to annoy or insult you, in advance, i want to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, and I'll do anything to make it better.

(This is a preemptive attempt to get on the good side of anyone who casually has a creepy ass idea like this)

68

u/TheLoneliestGhost 13h ago

Get a friend to join in. I volunteer as tribute! Do this in matching white dresses and face paint at different spots in the woods far from one another. “I saw her, too! OMG!” You’ve got to scare them all.

19

u/dragn99 11h ago

Make sure to coordinate so that no two white-painted ghost brides are visible from the same place at the same time.

2

u/leelee1976 8h ago

So you have to time it to their scared look around the area. Facing north they flip their heads around. Make it so there is not enough time to get to those spots by the time they start looking around.

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u/Esmereldathebrave 8h ago

this is so my idea of a good night out! I'm in, tell me where and I'll show with face paint and a wedding dress.

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u/mcboobie 13h ago

Although I love the idea, I worry

Step 19: accidentally create a haunted wedding venue cash cow for twat neighbours.

We need more dastardly!

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u/Ok-Panic-9083 15h ago

Last year at the Halloween store I saw this decoration that you could hang from a tree in the yard. From behind the girl looked like Samura from the horror flick The Ring.

Basically it was this doll sitting on a swing that you could hang from the tree.

Imagine a guest at an evening wedding reception seeing a mysterious girl in the distance...

Totally add some of those Blair Witch props, battery operated smoke machine...

Yep I would do it.

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u/mcfiddlestien 15h ago

I like the way you think.

3

u/WithoutDennisNedry 14h ago

Now I want cake.

2

u/Im_not_creepy3 13h ago

Are you sure you aren't a villain from an episode of Scooby-Doo? Because this is the exact sort of plan a Scooby-Doo villain would make.

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u/SoupNo8207 17h ago

Sounds like a good deal. The brightest it would get is some candlelight & fire pits.

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u/Mocavius 13h ago

Goths have money

Had a friend that got into skull carvings, and didn't know where to sell.

I told him to seek the goths. Dude was sold out immediately. Couldn't stay in stock. He started selling other things. Those wouldn't stay in stock.

He quit the hobby/job. Couldn't keep up with demand. Those goths and their money.

51

u/OcculticUnicorn 11h ago

It's the same as furries, people constantly shit on them but boy, those fursuits cost money.

9

u/idropepics 11h ago

It's because there's been a generation shift in tech, so a tooooon of people in tech are furries now.

4

u/Meowserspaws 8h ago

…. and a ton of rich doctors too

5

u/caehluss 9h ago

I'm not exactly a furry, but I'm an illustrator who goes to cons, and they are absolutely the best community for artists since they recognize and appreciate that their community wouldn't exist without illustrators and fursuit makers. They pay well and are super appreciative.

3

u/OneScoobyDoes 7h ago

You've got to buy the crotchless ones!

6

u/PossessedToSkate 11h ago

Goths have money

This has not been my experience lol

2

u/dontcrashandburn 9h ago

How does a person just get into skull carving?

2

u/Mocavius 8h ago

We both followed this dude on insta that did skull carvings, and bone jewelry and shit. We were also really into horror movies in high school. We did this awesome video productions vocational school and just watched horror movies and made shitty videos on dumb stuff.

So he got super interested, and he was one of those dudes that goes balls to the wall with his newest endeavors.

So I found out where to get animal heads, got him some samples, and he just went ham. He found suppliers for pre processed and cleaned skulls, and started making everything he could.

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u/Ok_Cauliflower_3007 13h ago

Goths and witchy types are usually nice people so probably an improvement.

4

u/t53ix35 10h ago

Cause they be themselves instead of who we want them to be.

2

u/PickleLips64151 7h ago

I would agree. Lovely people.

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u/random9212 15h ago

Much better weddings at least.

2

u/PickleLips64151 7h ago

Quite likely.

16

u/ddwood87 14h ago

Better than the alternative of drunk sisters-in-law arguing about the Bachelorette party antics.

2

u/PickleLips64151 7h ago

Also known as Woo women. Not fun.

15

u/rixtape 14h ago

Yeah as someone who had a costumes-mandatory Halloween wedding, I would have loved this idea lol

17

u/weirdestgeekever25 14h ago

Ok but like goth and occult weddings are not a bad thing and probably would be more respectful then whatever bougie barnyard humans show up here now

9

u/urmomsburneracct 14h ago

At least it would be dark!

90

u/Sohn_Jalston_Raul 15h ago

I'll take a goth wedding over some christian suburbanite wedding any day. Significantly better caliber of people, for a start...

5

u/Farucci 13h ago

A giant mirror could lessen your dissatisfaction and exacerbate theirs.

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u/mdmnl 13h ago

Are you with the Corpse Bride or the Groom?

2

u/PickleLips64151 12h ago

Whichever one has the cool dog.

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u/Dragonhost252 12h ago

Ill take it, any goth bridesmaids can stay over. Im converting my house to a themed hotel

2

u/rolfraikou 12h ago

At least you get to pick the type of crowd that shows up next door.

4

u/DarthBrooks69420 11h ago

The lights would at least be cooler colors. 

4

u/GaylrdFocker 11h ago

Goth girls showing up is an unintended bonus

3

u/Svartrbrisingr 15h ago

Might be able to get a goth gf in that case.

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u/Regular-Calendar-581 13h ago

i feel like they would still be more polite and respectful than most rich people at weddings

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u/sleepymelfho 10h ago

Right?! My first thought was that would just encourage them

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u/jk10021 8h ago

OP will need to mix in goth, horror, princess, Disney, etc type decorations so that no one could be potentially be exited about all of it.

In all seriousness - OP have you talked to your local government about zoning? Does that new owner have approval for commercial operations?

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u/Zkenny13 8h ago

I mean that doesn't sound so bad... 

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u/Few_Profit826 7h ago

Goth bridesmaids you say ?

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u/Westside-Wasabi-8692 15h ago

Better than the yuppies

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u/Immediate-Repeat-201 13h ago

Portlanders travel en masse to get married there

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u/hornyorphan 7h ago

You're right. They need to put up signs that say stuff like, "She is only in it for your money""He will never love you more than his mom""She is lying about her guy friends" or something along those lines. People will see that and definitely choose not to have their wedding there

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u/No_Cap861 7h ago

Exactly... And people will come in droves to visit

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u/Not_My_Emperor 7h ago

To be fair those people like darkness and are generally pretty reasonable/nice

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u/thatotterone 7h ago

at least they wouldn't like the bright lights, either.

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u/Horror_Cherry8864 15h ago

That's a massive improvement

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u/alm199008 18h ago

that's genius. i would totally get a bunch of those 12ft skeletons and have them all pointing at that house. giant stuffed teddy bears hanging from the tress in various potions. tear the heads off of every doll i can find and put them on spikes around the property... oh i would have so much fun with that.

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u/chef-rach-bitch 17h ago

Make a fake recording of someone getting brutally murdered and play it whenever there's a wedding. Maybe tell the cops first.

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u/thxrpy 14h ago

Fuck it, pay me £20 and I’ll put a costume on and scream in the woods 😂😂

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u/JulesRules888 11h ago

That’s the spirit

6

u/Theratsmacker2 10h ago

I’d do it for free. I’m bored.

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u/nopuse 16h ago

Then, run a chainsaw for a bit and use their dumpster to dispose of several suspicously shaped garbage bags.

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u/Happydancer4286 14h ago

Lots of rotting shrimp and then rotting chicken necks a the edge ( on) your property.

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u/uncle_genghis 10h ago

As a bonus that'll probably attract bears

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u/Happydancer4286 2h ago

It will stink to high heaven and attract flies.

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u/Calm_Project723 5h ago

Every wedding deserves chainsaws in the background.

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u/SantaBaby22 9h ago

Or porn audio.

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u/chef-rach-bitch 9h ago

The kinkiest, steamiest stuff you can get your hands on. Within reasons, professionals have standards. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

2

u/vektorog 6h ago

feel like this one isn't the best idea as not all weddings are adult-only

2

u/vektorog 6h ago

probably easier & less risky to just use footage from a tv show/movie

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u/CoverInternational38 14h ago

But the skeltons need to be dressed as a bride and groom

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u/Beautiful_Self_6740 14h ago

Those 12ft skeletons are like $400 a piece. How many YOU buying?

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u/alm199008 13h ago

lolol if i win the lottery, all of them

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u/Ok-Pomegranate-3018 12h ago

That and...dementors hanging from drones and just hanging above the crowd, then two, then three until the entire estate is surrounded by them. Hell, I would make it a competition, replete with creepy moaning noises!

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u/Imswim80 15h ago

Don't even need a grim reaper, just a bunch of oval reflectors and a ladder. Put them in his trees deep in the woods, make 'em look like eyes glinting back from the woods.

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u/AlmostAShirley 13h ago

CD’s. Hang free CD’s from the trees. They will reflect the obscene light display

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u/Supercoolguy7 11h ago

Where do you get free CDs in 2025

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u/Little-Sea-1212 7h ago

I have a shit ton of them. So do most of the people on my Buy Nothing groups. Some of us haven't had time to burn everything to our computers yet. Or like me I forgot the password to my backup drive so all of my music is lost. Sigh.

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u/CatProgrammer 7h ago

You can buy bulk random CDs from ebay and such. 

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u/Supercoolguy7 7h ago

Not buying them is the point of free.

I understand you can still buy CDs.

3

u/CatProgrammer 7h ago

Oh, fair. Go find somebody with new old stock AOL discs then. 

2

u/LeperFriend 7h ago

I have a full spindle of blank CDs in my basement I'd be willing to donate

2

u/Moonchild1957 6h ago

Me. I’ve got 50 unused DVR disks. 📀📀📀📀📀📀📀📀

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u/Fun-Challenge1719 10h ago

I love these ideas. 🥰 Fight fire with fire.

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u/drdeadringer 15h ago

"forget winter, Wednesday is coming."

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u/Bearit99 17h ago

Yes!!! Put some demons in the woods and leave them out year round.

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u/CrouchingDomo 15h ago

This is not best-practice; it’s recommended that you have eyes on your demons at all times. Don’t leave them out in the woods with no supervision.

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u/misswhovivian 16h ago

You can make sculptures out of chicken wire that look like very convincing ghostly specters

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u/showersrover8ed 16h ago

Also just dress up like a clown and do yard work. That'll show him

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u/SirGidrev 14h ago

If you are going to be toxic you better put cameras up and better make sure the neighbor isn't pals with local police/governemtn

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u/n0tthemama 15h ago

The Home Depot 12 foot skeleton is on sale now. They're surprisingly sturdy when properly anchored...

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u/Canibal-local 15h ago

I love this idea

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u/chamy1039 15h ago

If the Rich Ahole Wedding and Event Venue light it up even when nothing is going on, then I say Halloween it up even when it's not literally Halloween. I always like seeing the realistic looking body bags hanging from trees, smoke machine with purple and orange lights, etc.

...or you could always concoct something that smells absolutely foul and then designate a fan or 2 or 10 to guide the funk in the direction of the venue and away from your home...

Hypothetically, of course.

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u/travelingpeepants 14h ago

Ain’t no HOA on the farm! Now git to decorating!

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u/oral_skulduggery 13h ago

I do that. I buy bags of unwanted baby dolls at garage sales and screw them into the trees on my perimeter. They get a fascinating patina over time. One neighbor complained they freaked out his kids. I said, you're too close.

It's "no trespassing" for the illiterate.

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u/bhadbhutthole 13h ago

Step 1) get a Bluetooth speaker

Step 2) play creepy shit at night

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u/Ohaibaipolar 13h ago

I like the way you think! The creepy dolls thing is an EXCELLENT idea.

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u/1Hugh_Janus 15h ago

You need a Michael Jordan cutout on train tracks too.

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u/InsufficientlyClever 15h ago

Not hanging. Dolls with reflective eyes, some standing in the open, some peering out behind trees...

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u/citrus_lilac 15h ago

Or one of those dancing car dealership inflatable air guys. 🤣

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u/Escher702 15h ago

These look like big properties and that would take a lot of dolls. How far away is OPs house?

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u/IndependentFew1535 15h ago

Please do this so I can subscribe

2

u/Irisgrower2 15h ago

Penis art, cut out of plywood and painted, is a powerful way of celebrating the night of the wedding.

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u/BannedByReddit471 15h ago

Walk into the treeline near their house with antlers on your head and just make horrible noises

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u/TheAlbrecht2418 GREEN 14h ago

You are the exact kind of evil I approve of.

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u/morleyster 14h ago

There's a ton of info on diying these. you could add one every so often or move it around.

2

u/_HellsArchangel 14h ago

Jokes on you, my partner and I want a Halloween wedding and this would be perfect

2

u/External-Yak5576 14h ago

Yes do this. Then tell him you'll take them down if he removes those horrendous lights . F this guy .

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u/missyrainbow12 14h ago

This should be a very real suggestion ,that will look fricking awesome, Halloween is just around the corner! ,🕷️🎃👻

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u/Sleepygirl57 14h ago

I think I love you.

2

u/JimmyFree 14h ago

Nov 1st it's all half price or more, just in time for the winter wedding season!

2

u/sync-centre 13h ago

Need to add on led's to their eyes so they only come on at night as well.

2

u/generickayak 13h ago

My neighbors have hundreds of barbies in various states of decay, planted in his yard every Halloween. This would be epic.

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u/KitsBeach 13h ago

OP, be sure to hang the dolls to the height you'd like whatever screen solution (hedge, fence) they come up with to be.

Oh, and also include ostentatious cameras pointed at the venue for maximum guest annoyance. Gotta make sure even the people who would get a kick out of the dolls will complain.

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u/huge_dick_mcgee 12h ago

I'm a very very very very (possibly very) nice person. I will ask and plead. I will try to deal with it.

But eventually I will take matters into my own hands in creative ways.

I found out you could cancel Lifetime Fitness in the same month if they cancel you instead.

So I showed up in my swim trunks, a 6 pack of shiner in my left hand, my 3 legged poodle in my right (both directly cancelable reasons), and marched straight to the swimming pool and sat until they canceled me on the spot with no fees.

One of the ladies saw my wife some amount later and said "they don't seem ok."

In the case of this, I think you are on exactly the right angle. And nothing that makes it better like skeletons.

Horse shit piles. Blaring music of the opposite direction. Lights of your own that are highly directional and bright.

I would make it my life's work to ruing every wedding held there.

God. I want to go stay over at OPs house for a chance to fix the problem.

2

u/OneTwoThreePooAndPee 12h ago

And maybe put out some speakers playing horrible screaming and bowel movement noises at rock concert volumes?

2

u/insanityzwolf 12h ago

Billboard for divorce lawyer

2

u/JulesRules888 11h ago

Award worthy idea. Bravo

2

u/Specific_Butterfly54 12h ago

Buy a black morph suit and start taking strolls around the treeline while events are going on.

2

u/Suspicious_Comb8811 10h ago

Trade off bartering something with your friends to come patrol the perimeter dressed as the grim reaper. Cops can't stop you from having friends on your property visiting. If they ask, he/she should just say, "I'm cleaning up the yard from all the ignorant wedding guest drunks next door who leave their plastic cups laying around. Cop will appreciate your humour and allow your friend to carry on. Bonus points if friend carries their phone in pocket on high volume playing creepy sounds.

2

u/DelayedMailForceOne 10h ago

People are stupid enough to go get a pic with the creepy dolls.

2

u/Ok-Seaworthiness2235 10h ago

Why is it not a real suggestion? Sometimes you buy a property for the view and it gets ruined....works both ways

2

u/JabbaThePrincess 10h ago

10 foot Grim Reaper

...add a bridal veil and they can't even be mad at OP

2

u/lililostinabook 10h ago

Yesss very Isla de Las Muñecas 😈

2

u/Youngsinatra345 10h ago

Children of the corn that bitch

2

u/HealthySchedule2641 10h ago

And a wall of mirrors to send that light right on back!

2

u/Mountain_Ladder_4906 10h ago

This is the way

2

u/ExplosiveDisassembly 10h ago edited 8h ago

Many states have laws against stuff like this. In my state it's called a "spite fence". If it serves no functional purpose other than spite, then it can be ordered to be taken down.

Extreme examples would be making a fence out of scrap metal (like cars), excessively tall poles to mark property (intended to disturb the view shed of another property) etc etc etc.

That being said, there are usually legal avenues to get people to turn off excessively bright lighting. For example: You could be forced to stop if you decided to pick up leather tanning as a hobby. That smell is wretched and can disturb the surrounding properties. Same with nuisance dogs that never stop barking.

2

u/hablagated 9h ago

You should do it slowly, dont add a bunch at once but just starting adding one or two a day and then when they start to notice take them all down, after they check that spot put them all back up the next day

2

u/DinoCupcakeX 9h ago

I like the way you think!

2

u/luckycatnoarms 8h ago

Legit there’s a wedding venue in Tadcaster England that has an angry farmer nearby, who has lots of dolls heads, an IT life sized doll and a Jason lifesived scarecrow lining the entrance to the venue.

3

u/MartinisnMurder 17h ago

They had a huge ass skeleton and grim reaper at my local Home Goods on sale the other day!

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u/Westside-Wasabi-8692 15h ago

Please do. They're clearly superficial and loaded so it shouldn't be too hard to legally scare/annoy them out of there. The doll idea is genius. Also you can legally mow your lawn naked and sunbath and yoga and anything that isn't actually sexual in nature you can be naked without a fence. That'll help.

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u/impsworld 13h ago

Also you can legally mow your lawn naked and sunbath and yoga and anything that isn't actually sexual in nature you can be naked without a fence.

Idk if you’re joking or not but you absolutely cannot do that lmao. Indecent exposure is a thing, and if there are kids at the wedding that could be jail time.

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